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Domestic Violence - Tips for Children - Australia

2009-12-16T19:03:00.000-08:00

If you live in a home where there is a lot of violence, it can be very upsetting and frightening. Violence in the home is always wrong and it's never your fault. These tips might help you learn more about how to stay safe, what to do, types of violence and how to get help if you are being hurt.

Violence at Home Can Make You Feel Bad

The violence at home may be directed at your mother and you may see this happening. The violence may also be towards you. This is called child abuse. It can make you feel really sad and awful. Often children think they have something to cause the violence in their family. This is not true, but sometimes you might:

Blame yourself for the violence
Feel frightened, sad, ashamed, confused or unhappy
Feel sick, have stomach pains or headaches
Stop eating or not feel like eating
Cry a lot
Sleep badly or have nightmares or wet the bed
Find school difficult
Lose interest in your school work or your friends
Take drugs or alcohol to cope
Feel like running away
Feel angry and want to hurt yourself or somebody else or to smash something
Have trouble talking - for example, you might stutter
Worry about your mother's safety

Types of Violence

Family violence can mean lots of different things - it's not just being hit. There are different kinds of violence that can happen in the home. The violence may be directed at your mother, at the children only, or at the children and mother. Some examples of violence that may affect you are:

Physical Violence-someone hurting you by hitting, slapping, shoving, pushing, biting, kicking or burning you. Someone throwing or breaking things in your home. Seeing your mother or brother or sister hurt or threatened in any of these ways. Someone hurting your pets.
Verbal Violence - someone hurting you by telling mean and nasty things at you, calling you rude names, or shouting or talking to you in a scary or threatening way. Hearing someone speak to your mother like this.
Sexual Violence - someone hurting you by touching private parts of your body when you do not want them to, touching you in a sexual way or forcing you to have sex.
Neglect - someone hurting you by not giving you care, food, clean things, safety, clothing and love.

If You Think You are Being Abused or See Your Mother Being Abused

There are important things you should remember if you think that you, your mother or anyone in your family is being abused. These include:

Someone may try to make you feel ashamed or guilty about what is happening. You are not to blame for something they have done wrong. It is not your fault and it's not a special secret.
Don't believe them if they say something bad will happen to you if you tell; there are people who can help you.
It is an unsafe secret to keep: it's okay to tell someone and it will help you or your mother to be safe
Nothing is so awful that it can't be talked about
Help is available

Tell Someone About Family Violence and Abuse at Home

You can report family violence at home and get help in many ways:

Find someone who you trust to tell (perhaps a neighbour, a teacher or a friend's mother).
Tell a trusted adult who can keep you safe and help stop the abuse at home.
Take your time and try to explain how you or your mother has been hurt. It may be very difficult or scary for you to tell and it may be hard for you to find the right words to explain. Just do the best you can to explain.
Try using the phone, writing things down, drawing a picture or sending an email - lots of people find talking face-to-face very difficult, not just kids.
If the person hurting you or your mother is someone in your family, you may feel safer if you tell someone outside your family - like your teacher or a Kids Help Line counsellor (see Where to get help below).

Staying Safe

There are ways that you can stay safe including:

Talk to people - find someone you can trust and who will listen to you. It might be someone in your family, your friends' parents, a cousellor, your teacher, the police or another trusted adult. They will help protect you.
Keep on telling different people - if your problem is not being fixed, keep telling people until you feel safe.
Remember that your body belongs to you - no one should touch any part of your body in a way that makes you feel scared or confused or hurt. This includes your private parts. It is okay to tell someone to stop if they are touching you in a way that hurts or makes you uncomfortable.
Know the difference between safe and unsafe touching - some touching is friendly and helpful such as hugging, holding hands with a friend, play wrestling with your brother or giving your sister a shoulder massage.

Where to Get Help

Kids Help Line counsellors Tel. 1800 551 800 or get help via the Internet www.kidshelp.com.au
Police Tel. 000
Child Protection CrisisLine: Department of Human Services. 24 hour service Tel. 131 278
Trusted family member or friend
Teacher, school counsellor or trusted adult

Things to Remember

Family violence is never your fault
Learn how to stay safe
Get help by telling someone about the problem

Original Article

There are various types of domestic violence tactics and abuses.

2009-12-16T18:25:00.000-08:00

In an domestic violence abusive relationship, the abuser may use a number of tactics to maintain power and control over his or her partner: Domestic Violence using Verbal Abuse:

Name Calling
Threatening
Intimidating

Domestic Violence using Emotional Abuse:

Criticizing
Displaying jealousy
Using public humiliation
Putting down the partner
Isolating
Dominating
Using the Children

Domestic Violence using Financial Abuse:

Controlling the money
Concealing joint assets or shared money
Keeping their partner impoverished
Blowing money

Domestic Violence using Physical Abuse:

Pushing
Slapping
Hitting
Kicking
Choking
Pulling hair
Biting
Using Weapons
Tying their partner up
Locking their partner in a room

Domestic Violence using Sexual Abuse:

Raping
Physically attacking sexual parts
Forcing their partner to perform sexual acts

Domestic Violence using System Abuse:

Violating restraining orders
Violating child custody agreements
Telling lies about their partner to police, courts

Isolation:

The man will strongly discourage contact with friends and family. He will insist upon a move to an area far from these people, possibly rural or remote if they are city dwellers.

Limiting involvement with others:

He will deny the woman access to a car, not allow her to go to school. If she is employed, he will harass her on the telephone or turn up at her workplace and cause trouble so that she loses her job.

Control of finances:

He will take her money, give her an allowance or make her ask for money. She will have to account for all her expenditures and will have no knowledge of the family finances.

Putting her down:

The man will call her names, ridicule her, imitate her, tell her she is 'stupid', yell at her, downplay her accomplishments, degrade her dignity and self-worth, make her feel useless and inferior.

Playing mind games:

He will deny the abuse ever happened, say 'she caused it', or make light of the abuse telling her 'she has no sense of humor'.

Using the children:

He will threaten to take the children away from her.

Anger and jealousy:

The man will get angry and jealous and accuse her of having affairs if she even speaks to another man.

Statistics About Domestic Abuse

2009-12-16T18:22:00.000-08:00

DID YOU KNOW THAT: Approximately 95% of the victims of domestic violence are women.
(Department of Justice figures)

Every 9 seconds in the United States a woman is assaulted and beaten.

4,000,000 women a year are assaulted by their partners.

In the United States, a woman is more likely to be assaulted, injured, raped, or killed by a male partner than by any other type of assailant.

Every day, 4 women are murdered by boyfriends or husbands.

Prison terms for killing husbands are twice as long as for killing wives.

93% of women who killed their mates had been battered by them. 67% killed them to protect themselves and their children at the moment of murder.

25% of all crime is wife assault.

70% of men who batter their partners either sexually or physically abuse their children.

Domestic violence is the number one cause of emergency room visits by women.

73% of the battered women seeking emergency medical services have already separated from the abuser.

Women are most likely to be killed when attempting to leave the abuser. In fact, they're at a 75% higher risk than those who stay.

The number-one cause of women's injuries is abuse at home. This abuse happens more often than car accidents, mugging, and rape combined.

Up to 37% of all women experience battering. This is an estimated 566,000 women in Minnesota alone.

Battering often occurs during pregnancy. One study found that 37% of pregnant women, across all class, race, and educational lines, were physically abused during pregnancy.

60% of all battered women are beaten while they are pregnant.

34% of the female homicide victims over age 15 are killed by their husbands, ex-husbands, or boyfriends.

2/3 of all marriages will experience domestic violence at least once.

Weapons are used in 30% of domestic violence incidents.

Approximately 1,155,600 adult American women have been victims of one or more forcible rapes by their husbands.

Over 90% of murder-suicides involving couples are perpetrated by the man. 19-26% of male spouse-murderers committed suicide.

When only spouse abuse was considered, divorced or separated men committed 79% of the assaults and husbands committed 21%.

Abusive husbands and lovers harass 74% of employed battered women at work, either in person or over the telephone, causing 20% to lose their jobs.

Physical violence in dating relationships ranges from 20-35%.

It is estimated that between 20% to 52% of high school and college age dating couples have engaged in physical abuse.

More than 50% of child abductions result from domestic violence.

Injuries that battered women receive are at least as serious as injuries suffered in 90% of violent felony crimes.

In 1991, only 17 states kept data on reported domestic violence offenses. These reports were limited to murder, rape, robbery, and serious bodily injury.

More than half of battered women stay with their batterer because they do not feel that they can support themselves and their children alone.

In homes where domestic violence occurs, children are abused at a rate 1,500% higher than the national average.

Up to 64% of hospitalized female psychiatric patients have histories of being physically abused as adults.

50% of the homeless women and children in the U.S. are fleeing abuse.

The amount spent to shelter animals is three times the amount spent to provide emergency shelter to women from domestic abuse situations.

Family violence kills as many women every 5 years as the total number of Americans who died in the Vietnam War.

Are you in an abusive relationship?

2009-12-16T18:19:00.001-08:00

Has any of the following ever happened to you?
Does your partner:

1) Blame you for his or her mistakes?
YES or NO

2) Prevent you from seeing your family or friends?
YES or NO

3) Curse you, humiliate you, mock you or say mean things?
YES or NO

4) Force you to have sex or force you to engage in sex that makes you feel uncomfortable?
YES or NO

5) Restrain, hit, punch, slap, bite or kick you?
YES or NO

6) Intimidate or threaten you?
YES or NO

7) Ever prevent you from leaving the house, getting a job, or continuing your education?
YES or NO

8) Destroy personal property?
YES or NO

9) Behave in an overprotective way or become extremely jealous?
YES or NO

10) Threaten to hurt you, your children, pets, family members, friends, or himself?
YES or NO

If you answered YES to any of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship.

Domestic violence and children

2009-12-16T18:13:00.000-08:00

Domestic violence (often called ‘family violence’) can include physical, verbal, sexual or emotional abuse. Children who witness regular acts of violence have greater emotional and behavioral problems than other children. Even very young children can be profoundly frightened and affected.

Contrary to popular belief, witnessing episodes of violence between people they love can affect young children as much as if they were the victims of the violence.

Short-term effects of domestic violence
A child’s response to repeated domestic violence depends on a number of factors, including their age, gender, personality and family role. Some of the immediate effects can include:

Blaming themselves for the violence
Experiencing sleeping difficulties, such as nightmares
Regression to an earlier stage of development, such as thumb sucking and bedwetting
Becoming increasingly anxious or fearful
Displaying aggressive or destructive behaviour
Starting to withdraw from people and events
Becoming a victim or perpetrator of bullying
Starting to show cruelty to animals
Experiencing stress-related illnesses, such as headache or stomach pain
Displaying speech difficulties, such as stuttering
Misusing drugs and alcohol (in young adults).

Long-term effects of domestic violence A child growing up in an abusive household learns to solve their problems using violence, rather than through more peaceful means. Some of the long-term effects may include copying their parental role models and behaving in similarly destructive ways in their adult relationships. Children may learn that it is acceptable to behave in a degrading way to other people, as they have seen this occur in the violent episodes they witnessed. Appropriate support and counselling will help children grow up learning not to abuse others.

Drug and alcohol misuse
Some parents who are dependent on alcohol or other drugs are unable to care for their children appropriately and may hurt or neglect their children. For some, the addiction is so overwhelming that it takes priority over everything else, including looking after their children’s needs.

Children need consistency in their routine if they are to develop trust and a sense of security, which parents who misuse alcohol or drugs may be unable to give them. Some of the effects of parental drug and alcohol misuse on the child may include:

Not getting all their nutritional needs met
Experiencing school and learning problems
Developing emotional problems related to anxiety or stress
Loss of trust in adults
Having an increased risk of mental illness or suicide in later life
Developing an increased risk of substance misuse.

Seek support to stop the violence Domestic violence does not resolve itself. If you seek support to take action against violence, it shows your child that abuse is not acceptable and should be stopped. There are professional organisations that can help both partners to confront and change their destructive behaviours. If the abused partner fears for their safety, or for the safety of their children, it is important to take time away from home as soon as possible.

See your doctor for advice and referral, or call a parenting or domestic violence helpline. A parent with a substance addiction needs professional treatment, including counselling or medical treatment. In the meantime, keep all harmful substances out of the reach of children.

How to help your child
You can help your child emotionally recover from domestic violence in many ways, including:

Get support to take action against the violence.
Protect children from violence by taking them to a safe place.
Tell the child that abusive behaviour is wrong and be a role model for other ways of managing anger and solving problems.
Reassure the child that none of the violent episodes were their fault in any way.
Tell them how much you love them and cuddle them often.
Encourage them to talk openly about their feelings.
Get extra help for your child with their schooling.
Enlist a trusted adult to provide your child with emotional support.
Seek professional help, such as counselling, for all family members.

Where to get help

In an emergency, dial triple zero (000) to call police or ambulance
Women’s Domestic Violence Crisis Service of Victoria (24 hour) Tel. (03) 9373 0123 or 1800 015 188
Parentline Tel. 132 289
Kids Helpline Tel. 1800 551 800
Relationships Australia Tel. (03) 9835 7570 – for support groups and counselling on relationships, and for abusive and abused partners
Mensline Australia Tel. 1300 789 978
Domestic Violence Crisis Centre (national number) Tel. 1800 633 937
National Association for Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect (NAPCAN) Tel. (03) 9654 9552
Your doctor

Things to remember

Children who witness regular acts of violence have greater emotional and behavioural problems than other children.
Some of the immediate effects may include nightmares, anxiety, withdrawal and bedwetting.
Seeking support to take action against domestic violence shows your child that abuse is not acceptable and can be stopped.

Original Article

Children of Abused Parents Have More Behavior Problems

2009-12-16T18:10:00.000-08:00

Judith M. McFarlane, DrPH; Janet Y. Groff, MD, PhD;

Jennifer A. O'Brien, MA, Kathy Watson, MS

Pediatrics, September 2003

Children who witness their mothers being abused can experience a variety of behavior problems, including anxiety, withdrawal, depression, and aggression, say researchers from the University of Texas-Houston Medical School in Houston, Texas.

Researchers surveyed 258 mothers who had been abused and 72 nonabused mothers as part of a study on treatment of abused women. All of the moms had kids between the ages of 18 months and 18 years old. Mothers noted the types of assaults that had occurred within the past 12 months, and they completed a comprehensive survey of their children's behavior. The child behavior survey asked questions about internalizing behaviors, such as anxiety and depression, withdrawal, and physical complaints like headaches or stomachaches. Mothers also reported whether their children showed externalizing behaviors, such as aggression, attention problems, or rule breaking.

Children of abused moms had more internalizing problems, more externalizing problems, and more behavior problems overall than children of nonabused moms. These behaviors, especially depression, withdrawal, and anxiety, place a child at higher risk for suicide.

What This Means to You: A child who is exposed to domestic violence is at risk for behavioral problems, even if he or she isn't directly being abused. Both children and parents in abusive families need help. If you are being abused, call (800) 799-7233 to reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline or talk to your doctor or your child's doctor about what to do.

Original Article

Children, Community Violence and Post-Traumatic Stress

2009-12-16T18:05:00.000-08:00

Deborah Wasserman

Department of Human Development & Family Science

The Ohio State University

Carol Ford Arkin, Ph.D.

Columbus Children's Hospital

Quick to anger, trouble paying attention, disinterested--these behaviors in children demand adult intervention. Problem behaviors in children derive from many sources. One potential factor affecting too many children today is the physiological and psychological aftereffects of witnessing or being a victim of a traumatic event.

Traumatic stress comes in many forms and a full range of intensities, as do children's responses to it. Not all children who have experienced or witnessed trauma will exhibit behavior problems. Increasing adults understanding of the effects of trauma hopefully will enable them to better help children who experience problems.

RESPONSE TO TRAUMA

Children's responses to trauma may vary according to the source and circumstances of the trauma and the circumstances of the child. Generally speaking, children who experience or witness extreme threat respond with symptoms that fit into four general categories (Terr, 1991; Pynoos and Nader, 1988):

They may have strong memories that repeatedly intrude on their normal functioning.
They may engage in endlessly repeated behaviors.
They may develop trauma-specific fears.
They may change their attitudes about friends, family, life in general, and the future. They also may desire to be unaware of their feelings.

Although these responses tend to be fairly consistent among children who have experienced traumatic stress, the way they manifest can differ substantially. Repetitive behaviors in one child, for example, may be highly aggressive, whereas in another they may be withdrawn or self-injurious. Some children exhibit few, if any, of these symptoms; others become almost completely debilitated, experiencing all of them persistently. In the latter case, children may be diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Most children who have experienced trauma will not develop PTSD, although many may demonstrate transitory symptoms. If disturbances persist for longer than one month, parents or caregivers should consult with a mental health professional or pediatrician experienced in working with traumatized children.

WHAT INFLUENCES CHILDREN'S RESPONSES TO TRAUMA?

Many factors, often interrelated, contribute to the type and severity of a child's response to traumatic stress. These factors include the persistence of the trauma, the relationship of the child to the perpetrator, the proximity of the child to the experience, the child's support system, and the basic beliefs the child brings to the task of understanding and coping with the trauma. To understand children's possible responses, it is helpful to consider:

the child's age,
whether the trauma was ongoing or one-time,
the child's relationship to the perpetrator,
whether the child was a victim, a witness, or connected in some way to the victim,
adult support,
other stress factors affecting the child.

THE CHILD'S AGE: Children's responses to traumatic stress tend to be consistent with their developmental age. Toddlers may manifest stress in changes in their relationship to their caregivers, either demanding more attention, showing signs of indifference, or both. Their motor activity may change, and they may become more aggressive (hitting, biting, pinching).

In addition to the behaviors exhibited by toddlers, preschoolers may have physical symptoms, such as headaches, stomachaches, or difficulty using a particular body part. They may engage in endlessly repetitive play; may physically and emotionally avoid any reminders of the incident; or may demonstrate fear, sadness, clingingness, regressive behaviors, and feelings of shame regarding their vulnerability. Children also may enter a dissociative state, which observers often describe as "being in a world of their own" or "being out of touch."

School-aged children typically are more susceptible to traumatic events outside the family and their effects on their caregivers, friends, and their community. They may also be more adult-like in exhibiting their sadness and other mood-oriented symptoms, such as anxiety, depression, guilt, increased inhibition, and hypervigilance. These states can result in changes in play, loss or change in interests, return of old or onset of new fears, sleep disorders, difficulty concentrating, and lack of initiative. School performance and learning may suffer. Often symptoms may mirror those of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and may respond to ADHD treatment (Schwarz and Perry, 1994).

In addition to the symptoms experienced by younger children, adolescents may exhibit identity, eating, and personality (including multiple personality) disorders and seizure-like states. Suicide attempts, substance abuse, self- mutilation, delinquency, truancy, and destructive sexual behaviors also may occur.

WHETHER THE TRAUMA WAS ONGOING OR ONE-TIME: If the trauma was acute and unanticipated, as might be the case with a drive-by shooting, the child may experience acute and disturbing disruptions of thought patterns. If the trauma was chronic and anticipated, as is most often the case with sexual or physical abuse, researchers and clinicians report a more chronic absence of feeling, sense of rage, and generalized sadness along with fear (Terr, 1991). The two types of trauma can also overlap, resulting in a mixture of symptoms.

THE CHILD'S RELATIONSHIP TO THE PERPETRATOR: Traumas perpetrated by individuals whom a child has learned to trust or depend on create different effects than those perpetrated by strangers. Generally speaking, the more personal the relationship between perpetrator and victim, the more severe the symptoms of the victim.

WHETHER THE CHILD WAS A VICTIM, A WITNESS, OR CONNECTED IN SOME WAY TO THE VICTIM: Studies of one-time, acute events reveal that those physically and emotionally closest to the event's epicenter will have the most severe and longest-lasting symptoms. That is, victims who are emotionally, cognitively, and physically involved with the event and the perpetrator can be expected to respond more strongly than those who are physically, emotionally, or cognitively more distant (Pynoos and Nader, 1988; Schwarz and Perry, 1994; Terr, 1990). Relationship to the event may involve the victim's sense of control over the event; victims with less control may have a stronger symptomatic response (McCormack, Burgess, and Hartman, 1988).

ADULT SUPPORT: At the time of a traumatic event, attention and energy may be focused on the victim, perhaps making it difficult for children who are distressed by witnessing the event to receive the support they need. Moreover, adults who have close relationships with a child victimized by violence may be hampered by their own distress about the occurrence.

Difficulty receiving the support they need may be compounded for children who manifest their grief differently than adults. Children's sadness may be less apparent and less sustained. Some researchers have found that many children have never spoken to anyone about their grief reactions. These researchers surmise that because children's sadness tends to be more hidden, parents and teachers may have more difficulty appreciating the nature and intensity of children's grief reactions (Pynoos and Nader, 1988).

OTHER STRESS FACTORS AFFECTING THE CHILD. Although children have a wide range of response to various traumatic stresses, one fact seems to be well-established: rather than building children's resilience by giving them more expertise, recurrent or multiple traumas multiply the difficulty children experience (Fitzpatrick and Boldizar, 1993; Pynoos and Nader, 1988).

PROVIDING SUPPORT

In addition to providing "first aid" (see section at the end of this article) at the time of the trauma, parents and caregivers can provide ongoing support to children in the ways outlined in the remainder of this article.

HELPING CHILDREN REGAIN A SENSE OF CONTROL: Traumatized children have experienced themselves as helpless and not in control. Healing includes recognizing that those feelings occurred at the time of the trauma, but need not continue into the present. Barbara Oehlberg, in her discussion of "reempowerment" in Making It Better: Activities for Children Living in a Stressful World (1996), suggests asking children open questions, such "Then what happened?" or "I wonder what makes the daddy say that?" to help them process a story and gain a sense of mastery. Oehlberg's book also provides a number of open-ended activities intended to help children draw from their own resources to make sense of their world.

HANDLING DISRUPTIVE BEHAVIOR:Although adults may encounter difficulties when faced with agitated, defiant, or aggressive children, remembering that they are struggling and need adult help is extremely important. Behavior problems are unlikely to decrease through scoldings or appeals to "common sense," and harsh discipline is harmful and inappropriate. On the other hand, overly permissive parenting is not likely to help a child who needs guidance and help with coping. Children need consistent, loving support with clear limits and positive discipline to enforce them.

UNDERSTANDING REPETITIVE PLAY: The play of traumatized children may include acting out aspects of the event or themes from it. Some children may engage in endless, unvaried, repetition of the same play. Although self-expression may be constructive, caregivers need to balance between excessively encouraging or discouraging these activities (Schwarz and Perry, 1994). Caregivers should supervise play, for example, and be attuned to the possibility that it can become too disturbing for the child or for the child's playmates.

TUNING INTO THE CHILD'S NEEDS AND PACE FOR DEALING WITH STRESS: While providing opportunities for children to express themselves, parents and caregivers need to be careful not to push too hard to extract a story or otherwise pressure the child. Allow children to feel safe, accepted, and ready to talk at their own pace. On the other hand, putting the burden solely on children to bring up their feelings, or avoiding the subject altogether and assuming children will "work things out on their own" does not give children the support they need. If adults never broach a subject, children may think that it is somehow taboo or that their feelings are abnormal or bad and should not be discussed.

GOING BEYOND THE NUCLEAR FAMILY: Families that have experienced trauma may find it helpful to reach outside the family for supportive relationships for themselves and their children. An adult mentor, for example, can make an enormous difference in a child's life.

COPING OVER TIME: As children mature, gaining more sophisticated emotional and cognitive abilities, they may reprocess an earlier trauma. Caring adults should be aware of this possibility, and be ready to listen and possibly make referrals to appropriate professionals, whenever the need arises.

SPECIAL SECTION

FIRST AID AT THE TIME OF STRESS

Coping with the traumatic stress of a child at the time of the stress is critical; unaddressed traumatic stress increases the likelihood of the child developing PTSD. The following suggestions by Pynoos and Nader (1988) include a list of "first aid" for trauma victims:

Provide support, rest, comfort, food, and the opportunity to play or draw.
Reassure children that they are safe and that you will help them.
Reassure children that the event was not their fault.
Help children understand what has happened by giving them opportunity to talk about the event. Clarify, then reclarify any existing confusions.
Give children the opportunity to talk about their feelings. Providing emotional labels for common reactions is helpful. Reassure children that it is okay for them to be upset.
Do not insist that children talk before they are ready or more than is comfortable for them.
Help children understand that the event is over, especially in the presence of physical reminders of the incident.
Encourage children to let their parents, teachers, or other adults they trust know about what happened.
Provide consistent and reassuring caretaking, such as picking children up from school or letting children know the whereabouts and availability of a significant adult.
Understand that children may exhibit behaviors they have already grown out of (for example, bedwetting) and tolerate those behaviors for a limited amount of time.
Help children dealing with death understand its finality. Do not talk about death with euphemisms, such as "He went away" or "She is sleeping."

REFERENCES

Fitzpatrick, K. M. & Boldizar, J. P. (1993). The prevalence and consequences of exposure to violence among African-American youth. JOURNAL OF THE AMERICAN ACADEMY OF CHILD AND ADOLESCENT PSYCHIATRY, 32, 424-430.

Garbarino, J. (1995). RAISING CHILDREN IN A SOCIALLY TOXIC ENVIRONMENT. Jossey-Bass; San Francisco.

Heergaard, M. (1991) WHEN SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENS: CHILDREN CAN LEARN TO COPE WITH GRIEF. Woodland Press, Minneapolis.

Oehlberg, B. (1996). MAKING IT BETTER: ACTIVITIES FOR CHILDREN LIVING IN A STRESSFUL WORLD. St. Paul: Red Leaf Press.

Pynoos, R. S. & Nader, K. (1988). Psychological first aid and treatment approach to children exposed to community violence: research implications. JOURNAL OF TRAUMATIC STRESS, 1(4), 445-473.

Schwarz, E. D., & Perry, B. D. (1994). The post-traumatic response in children and adolescents. PSYCHIATRIC CLINICS OF NORTH AMERICA, 17 (2), 311-327.

Terr, L. C. (1991). Childhood Traumas: An outline and overview. AMERICAN JOURNAL OF PSYCHIATRY, 148, 10-20.

Original Article

Child Protection in Families Experiencing Domestic Violence

2009-12-13T10:16:00.000-08:00

Child Abuse and Neglect User Manual Series

Author(s): Office on Child Abuse and Neglect., Caliber Associates.
Bragg

Year Published: 2003

Chapter 2
The Overlap Between Child Maltreatment and Domestic Violence

Over the past few decades, there has been a growing awareness of the co-occurrence of domestic violence and child maltreatment. Studies report that there are approximately between 750,000 and 2.3 million victims of domestic violence each year. Many of these victims are abused several times, so the number of domestic violence incidents is even greater. According to a national study by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, approximately 903,000 children were identified by child protective services (CPS) as victims of abuse or neglect in 2001. Increasingly, service providers and researchers have recognized that some of these adult and child victims are from the same families. Research suggests that in an estimated 30 to 60 percent of the families where either domestic violence or child maltreatment is identified, it is likely that both forms of abuse exist. Studies show that for victims who experience severe forms of domestic violence, their children also are in danger of suffering serious physical harm. In a national survey of over 6,000 American families, researchers found that 50 percent of men who frequently assaulted their wives also abused their children. Other studies demonstrate that perpetrators of domestic violence who were abused as children are more likely to physically harm their children.

Rates of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence measured by the National Crime Victimization Survey (NCVS) includes rape or sexual assault, robbery, and aggravated and simple assault committed by a current or former spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend. In 2000, about 1 in every 200 households acknowledged that someone in the household experienced some form of domestic violence. There is no statistically significant difference in this rate over the prior 6 years. As with other crimes measured using the NCVS, a household counted as experiencing domestic violence was counted only once, regardless of the number of times that a victim experienced violence and regardless of the number of victims in the household during the year. The following statistics represent reported cases.

Characteristic of the household	Percent of households that experienced domestic violence
Caucasian . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .	. . . . . . . . . . . 0.4%
African-American . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .	. . . . . . . . . . . 0.5%
Hispanic . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .	. . . . . . . . . . . 0.5%
Other . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .	. . . . . . . . . . . 0.5%
blank cell
Urban . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .	. . . . . . . . . . . 0.5%
Suburban . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .	. . . . . . . . . . . 0.4%
Rural . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .	. . . . . . . . . . . 0.4%
blank cell
Northeast . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .	. . . . . . . . . . . 0.3%
Midwest . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .	. . . . . . . . . . . 0.7%
South . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .	. . . . . . . . . . . 0.4%
West . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .	. . . . . . . . . . . 0.5%

Household Size	blank cell
1 person . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .	. . . . . . . . . . . 0.4%
2 to 3 persons . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .	. . . . . . . . . . . 0.4%
4 to 5 persons . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .	. . . . . . . . . . . 0.5%
6 or more persons . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .	. . . . . . . . . . . 1.0%

Domestic Violence by Type of Crime and Gender in 2001
blankcell	Female	Male	Total
Rape or sexual assault	41,740	blank cell	41,740
Robbery	44,060	16,570	60,630
Aggravated assault	81,140	36,350	117,480
Simple assault	421,550	50,310	471,860
blank cell
Overall violent crime	588,490	103,230	691,710

The Co-occurence of Child Maltreatment and Domestic Violence

An estimated 3.3 to 10 million children a year are at risk for witnessing or being exposed to domestic violence, which can produce a range of emotional, psychological, and behavioral problems for children. This estimate is derived from an earlier landmark study that found approximately 3 million American households experienced at least one incident of serious violence each year. The broad range of this estimate highlights the fact that the exact number of domestic violence incidents is unknown, and there sometimes is incongruence or a lack of agreement about exactly what constitutes "domestic violence."
One study estimates that as many as 10 million teenagers are exposed to parental violence each year. This estimate comes from a survey in which adults were asked "whether, during their teenage years, their father had hit their mother and how often" and vice versa for the mother. The survey found that about one in eight, 12.6 percent of the sample, recalled such an incident. In these cases, 50 percent remembered their father hitting the mother, 19 percent recalled their mother hitting the father, and 31 percent recalled the parents hitting each other.

These estimates are based on research that identified maltreated children who accompanied victims of domestic violence to shelters and identified adult victims via CPS caseloads. Additionally, research examining the relationship between victims and their own use of violence indicate that they are more likely to perpetrate physical violence against their children than caretakers who are not abused by a partner or spouse. Children who witness domestic violence and are victimized by abuse exhibit more emotional and psychological problems than children who only witness domestic violence.

Current data regarding the co-occurrence between domestic violence and child maltreatment compel child welfare and programs that address domestic violence to re-evaluate their existing philosophies, policies, and practice approaches towards families experiencing both forms of violence. The overlap of these issues may be particularly critical in identifying cases with a high risk of violence, such as the relationship between domestic violence and child fatalities in CPS cases. A review of CPS cases in two States identified domestic violence in approximately 41 to 43 percent of cases resulting in the critical injury or death of a child. A number of protocols and practice guidelines have surfaced over the past decade to provide child welfare and service providers with specific assessment and intervention procedures aimed at enhancing the safety of children and victims of domestic violence.

Children's Exposure to Domestic Violence

Children who live in homes where a parent or caretaker is experiencing abuse are commonly referred to as "child witnesses" or "children who are witnessing" domestic violence. The term "children's exposure" to domestic violence, however, provides a more inclusive definition because it encompasses the multiple ways children experience domestic abuse. Although caretakers frequently believe they are protecting their children from witnessing their abuse, children living in these homes report differently. Researchers have found that 80 to 90 percent of children in homes where domestic violence occurs can provide detailed accounts of the violence in their homes. Research studies have proliferated regarding children's exposure to domestic violence, the problems associated with witnessing, and the protective factors that influence their responses to the violence. Children's exposure to domestic violence typically falls into three primary categories:

Hearing a violent event;
Being directly involved as an eyewitness, intervening, or being used as a part of a violent event (e.g., being used as a shield against abusive actions);
Experiencing the aftermath of a violent event.

Children's exposure to domestic violence also may include being used as a spy to interrogate the adult victim, being forced to watch or participate in the abuse of the victim, and being used as a pawn by the abuser to coerce the victim into returning to the violent relationship. Some children are physically injured as a direct result of the domestic violence. Some perpetrators intentionally physically, emotionally, or sexually abuse their children in an effort to intimidate and control their partner. While this is clearly child maltreatment, other cases may not be so clear. Children often are harmed accidentally during violent attacks on the adult victim. An object thrown or weapon used against the battered partner can hit the child. Assaults on younger children can occur while the adult victim is holding the child, and injury or harm to older children can happen when they intervene in violent episodes. In addition to being exposed to the abusive behavior, many children are further victimized by coercion to remain silent about the abuse, maintaining the "family secret."

The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children

Children who live with domestic violence face numerous risks, such as the risk of exposure to traumatic events, the risk of neglect, the risk of being directly abused, and the risk of losing one or both of their parents. All of these can lead to negative outcomes for children and clearly have an impact on them. Research studies consistently have found the presence of three categories of childhood problems associated with exposure to domestic violence:

Behavioral, social, and emotional problems—higher levels of aggression, anger, hostility, oppositional behavior, and disobedience; fear, anxiety, withdrawal, and depression; poor peer, sibling, and social relationships; low self-esteem.
Cognitive and attitudinal problems—lower cognitive functioning, poor school performance, lack of conflict resolution skills, limited problem-solving skills, acceptance of violent behaviors and attitudes, belief in rigid gender stereotypes and male privilege.
Long-term problems—higher levels of adult depression and trauma symptoms, increased tolerance for and use of violence in adult relationships.

Children also display specific problems unique to their physical, psychological, and social development. For example, infants exposed to violence may have difficulty developing attachments with their caregivers and in extreme cases suffer from "failure to thrive." It should be noted that there also are limitations and uncertainties to the research since some of the children in such studies do not show elevated problem levels even under similar circumstances. Preschool children may regress developmentally or suffer from eating and sleep disturbances. School-aged children may struggle with peer relationships, academic performance, and emotional stability. Adolescents are at a higher risk for either perpetrating or becoming victims of teen dating violence. Reports from adults who repeatedly witnessed domestic violence as children show that many suffer from trauma-related symptoms, depression, and low self-esteem.

Possible Symptoms in Children Exposed to Domestic Violence

Sleeplessness, fears of going to sleep, nightmares, dreams of danger;
Physical symptoms such as headaches or stomachaches;
Hypervigilance to danger or being hurt;
Fighting with others, hurting other children or animals;
Temper tantrums or defiant behavior;
Withdrawal from people or typical activities;
Listlessness, depression, low energy;
Feelings of loneliness and isolation;
Current or subsequent substance abuse;
Suicide attempts or engaging in dangerous behavior;
Poor school performance;
Difficulties concentrating and paying attention;
Fears of being separated from the nonabusing parent;
Feeling that his or her best is not good enough;
Taking on adult or parental responsibilities;
Excessive worrying;
Bed-wetting or regression to earlier developmental stages;
Dissociation;
Identifying with or mirroring behaviors of the abuser.

Children's Protective Factors in Response to Domestic Violence

Studies documenting the types of problems associated with children who are exposed to domestic violence reveal a wide variation in their responses to the violence. Children's risk levels and reactions to domestic violence exist on a continuum where some children demonstrate enormous resiliency while others show signs of significant maladaptive adjustment. Protective factors such as social competence, intelligence, high self-esteem, outgoing temperament, strong sibling and peer relationships, and a supportive relationship with an adult, are thought to be important variables that help protect children from the adverse effects of exposure to domestic violence. In addition, research shows that the impact of domestic violence on children can be moderated by certain factors, including:

The nature of the violence. Children, who witness frequent and severe forms of violence, perceive the violence as their fault. Because they fail to observe their caretakers resolving conflict, these children may undergo more distress than children who witness fewer incidences of physical violence. The frequency with which they witness positive interactions between their caregivers also affects them.
Coping strategies and skills. Children with poor coping skills are more likely to experience problems than children with strong coping skills and supportive social networks. Children who utilize problem-solving strategies targeted directly at the source of disagreement demonstrate fewer maladaptive symptoms. Emotion-focused strategies, however, are less desirable because they often target internal responses to a stressful situation, which can result in less effective coping methods (e.g., children fantasizing that their parent's are "getting along").
The age of the child. Younger children appear to exhibit higher levels of emotional and psychological distress than older children. Age-related differences might result from older children's more fully developed cognitive abilities to understand the violence and select various coping strategies to alleviate upsetting emotions.
The time since exposure. Children are observed to have heightened levels of anxiety and fear immediately after a recent violent event. Fewer observable effects are seen in children the longer time has past after they have witnessed the violence.
Gender. In general, boys exhibit more "externalized" behaviors (e.g., aggression or acting out) while girls exhibit more "internalized" behaviors (e.g., withdrawal or depression). In addition, boys identify more with the male abuser and girls identify more with the female victim; both may continue these roles throughout life if the issues are not addressed.
The presence of child abuse. Children who witness domestic abuse and are physically abused demonstrate increased levels of emotional and psychological maladjustment than children who only witness violence and are not abused.

Professionals Responding to Child Maltreatment and Domestic Violence: In Search of Common Ground

Although adult and child victims often are found in the same families, child protection and domestic violence programs have historically responded separately to victims. The divergent responses are largely due to the differences in each system's historical development, philosophy, mandate, policies, and practices. As a result, these differences have led to variations in desired outcomes and practice methods for child welfare caseworkers and service providers who lack a mutual understanding of one another's mission and approach when addressing the co-occurrence of child maltreatment and domestic violence.
Several key debates stemming from these differences have limited collaboration between the two fields. For CPS caseworkers, whose legal mandate is the protection of the abused child, responding to domestic violence has been widely regarded as a peripheral issue. Alternatively, service providers have primarily focused on pursuing safety and empowerment for adult victims. The differing opinion about whose safety is paramount has led to misconceptions and critical accusations by both systems. Child welfare advocates have charged service providers with discounting the safety needs of children by focusing primarily on the adult victim who also may be neglectful or abusive towards the children. Conversely, some service providers accuse child welfare caseworkers of "revictimizing" victims of domestic violence by placing responsibility and blame on adult victims for the violent behaviors of perpetrators or charging the adult victim with "failing to protect" the child. Furthermore, interactions with the perpetrator are markedly distinct for each system. CPS's growing emphasis on a family-centered approach may sometimes compel caseworkers to engage perpetrators, who are either biological parents or caretakers of the children, in efforts aimed at creating healthy and stable families. In contrast, service providers often view separation from perpetrators as a desirable intervention until the safety of all family members is assured.

Despite their differences, child welfare advocates and service providers share areas of common ground that can bridge the gap between them, including:

Both want to end domestic violence and child maltreatment;
Both want children to be safe;
Both want adult victims to be protected—for their own safety and so their children are not harmed by the violence;
Both believe in supporting a parent's strengths;
Both prefer that children not be involved in CPS, if avoidable.

Additionally, men historically have not been actively involved with CPS or domestic violence agencies in working to make the necessary behavior modifications that will facilitate change on these issues.

The Different Responses to Families Experiencing Domestic Violence

As previously discussed, children respond in varying degrees to domestic violence, and researchers caution against holding a unilateral position that children witnessing domestic abuse constitutes child maltreatment or warrants CPS involvement. However, the complexity of the research regarding the intersection between domestic violence and child maltreatment has led various social service providers and policy-makers to believe that every child exposed to domestic violence is at severe risk for harm and warrants formal or mandatory intervention. Some States are considering legislation that broadens the definition of child neglect to include children who witness domestic violence. Expanding the legal definitions of child maltreatment, however, may not always be the most effective method to address the needs of these children in an already overburdened CPS system. It is an unrealistic expectation that CPS investigate every report of children living in a home where domestic violence occurs. However, CPS should screen every report for domestic violence and refer to specific criteria or agency protocol when determining if the referral warrants further investigation. Furthermore, a CPS investigation is typically labor intensive and invasive in the lives of families.

Communities can better serve families by allocating new as well as existing resources that build partnerships between CPS, service providers, and the wide network of informal and formal systems that offer a continuum of services based upon the level of risk present. In fact, a number of national, State, and local initiatives throughout the country are demonstrating that a collective ownership and intolerance for abuse against adults and children can form the foundation of a solid, coordinated, and comprehensive approach to ending child maltreatment and domestic violence in their communities. Chapter 6, "Building a Collaborative Response for Families Experiencing Domestic Violence," provides specific examples of promising practices and programs that have implemented community-wide collaborations to address co-occurring child maltreatment and domestic violence.

There are families experiencing domestic violence where CPS involvement is necessary. CPS agencies are required to intervene in cases where child exposure to domestic violence meets the State or local legal definition of child abuse and neglect and in instances where children, in addition to adult victims, are physically or sexually abused. Presenting risk factors associated with potentially dangerous and lethal forms of domestic violence also will require intervention by CPS. Parental substance abuse and mental illness are two examples of risk factors that can increase the threat of harm to children who witness domestic violence. In cases where there are several risks to children's safety, CPS caseworkers should address the multiple needs of these families. Relevant services are discussed later in this manual.

There are some situations, however, where child protection efforts to secure the safety of children can and should occur without a formal determination of abuse or neglect. After completing a comprehensive assessment of the nature and severity of the domestic violence and its impact on child safety, CPS may elect to refer a family to community-based services rather than substantiating a CPS case. CPS agencies who adopt this alternative response to domestic violence and child maltreatment may find it to be a more manageable and effective approach in assisting victims of domestic violence who have not maltreated their children, but who need help in securing safety and protection for them. Additionally, both the children and the victim are often better served by voluntary, and therefore less stigmatizing, community-based services.

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare Information Gateway.

Updated on July 24, 2006

Caught in the Crossfire: Children and Domestic Violence

2009-12-13T10:07:00.000-08:00

By Tracy Burt, Support Network for Battered Women

Domestic Violence: Through the Eyes of a Child

The domestic violence movement has become increasingly aware of the devastating impact of domestic violence on children’s lives. Over three million children in the United States are exposed to parental violence each year. Whether or not children actually witness the violence, they are now considered to be victims of this epidemic.

As they grow and develop, children form assumptions about the world in which they live. Is their world consistent and predictable or chaotic and unsafe? Will their parents be able to keep them safe and protected? Exposure to domestic violence creates inordinate stresses in a child’s life.

In addition to the trauma of knowing that one parent hurts another “on purpose,” children in homes where domestic violence occurs are 15 times more likely to experience child abuse than children in non-violent homes. Instead of becoming used to regular routines in a safe environment, children enter an environment filled with stress and tension.

The Early Years

From the time children are conceived, they become intimately connected with and affected by domestic violence directed at their mothers. Violence tends to increase during pregnancy, which in turn contributes to an increased rate of miscarriage. Infants often develop an intense fear of adults, lose their appetite and scream incessantly. Unfortunately, these behaviors create more strain for families that are already over-stressed.

Acting Out

Sharon is four years old. She has trouble focusing at school and often hits other children in her class...
Every child responds differently to witnessing or directly experiencing domestic violence, depending on his or her temperament, usual coping mechanisms, developmental stage and support systems. Some children may respond with internalized symptoms such as regression and social isolation. Others may develop externalized negative behaviors that includes nightmares, hyperactivity, aggression and delinquency.

Research about children of various ages has found that from 50 to 70 per cent of children exposed to domestic violence suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder at a higher rate than either Vietnam Veterans or rape victims. Violence puts them at significantly higher risk for behaviors ranging from extreme withdrawal to hyperactivity and for consequences ranging from school failure to suicide and criminal behavior.

Anger

Jeff is thirteen. He has lived with his mother and father his entire life. He loves both his parents but feels angry with his Dad for hitting his Mom and angry at his Mom for not protecting herself. Over the last few years, Jeff has begun to take the situation into his own hands, vowing to stop his Dad from ever hurting his Mom again.

Mothers in violent relationships are often unable to protect their children from their batterers, who may threaten children’s physical safety in order to control her behavior. The violence takes a mother away from her children, both physically and emotionally. Ironically, mothers often stay in violent relationships so that their children can maintain their relationship with the second parent (father/partner). Children are often literally “caught in the crossfire” and may be injured when an object is thrown or when they try to protect their mother.

Shame

Nina is nine. She is well-behaved and performs well in school, but has made up elaborate lies about her happy family. Her shame prevents her from ever having friends over.

As children age, they feel increasingly responsible for the violence in their homes. A school-aged child often feels caught between love for the father and desire to protect the mother. Shame becomes a dominant theme. Children become increasingly isolated from their peers as they act out in school and cease to invite friends home. As children grow into teens they develop higher levels of delinquency and violent behavior than those in non-violent homes.

The Perfectionist

“If only I did better in school...”

On the other hand, a child may become intensely perfectionist, believing that he will be able to make things better between his parents if only he is “good enough.” Children who follow this path tend to do well in school and consequently are not identified by teachers as needing help or support. Without outside support children continue these patterns and are at a higher risk for suicide and other self-destructive behaviors.

Dating

Joshua is fifteen. He hates his father and vowed that he would never treat women the way that his father treats his mother. He recently began dating a girl in his class. He has found himself becoming increasingly jealous of time she spends with her friends and last week he hit her ...

As teens explore romantic relationships, the relational patterns they have learned at home, based on control and dominance rather than respect and equality, often affect their expectations of romantic partners. But with intervention, the cycle of violence can be interrupted.

Breaking the Cycle

While the picture for children exposed to domestic violence may at first appear dismal, Support Network staff and volunteers bear witness daily to the incredible resilience of children. The most critical factor in determining whether a child will be able to overcome the devastating impact of growing up exposed to domestic violence is the existence of a consistent and supportive relationship in their lives, often with a teacher, counselor, or extended family member.

When we work with children at the Support Network we help them identify and build upon their strengths, while at the same time developing supportive relationships. We provide both individual and group counseling, including psycho-educational groups for 5 to 8- year-olds and 9 to 12-year-olds. Being a part of these groups is often the first opportunity children have to share their experiences with children their own age. The children learn to support each other and themselves. We hear again and again how participation in our groups transforms children’s lives.

Finally, our consistent support of mothers constitutes an essential intervention in the lives of children. Empowering mothers to be able to make positive changes in their lives and supporting their healing process is one of the most important keys to helping children heal and to break the intergenerational cycle of violence. As children begin to express their feelings and to understand the causes and effects of their behavior, they are able to begin changing the patterns in their lives.

Every member of our community has opportunities to support children living in violent homes. Reaching out to a neighbor’s child, volunteering time to work on our crisis line or with children, and talking to others about the effects of domestic violence on children all help to interrupt the cycle of violence and promote prevention and healing.

Children and Domestic Violence: The Facts

Children in homes where domestic violence occurs are 15 times more likely to experience child abuse than children in non-violent homes.

50 to 70 per cent of children exposed to domestic violence suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, a higher rate than either Vietnam Veterans or rape victims.

Violence tends to increase during pregnancy, resulting in an increased rate of miscarriage.

As children grow into teens they exhibit higher levels of delinquency and violent behavior than those in non-violent homes

Battering: The Facts

2009-12-13T10:00:00.000-08:00

There are some commonly held beliefs about battering which we feel are actually myths...that is, the facts of battering indicate that these beliefs are false. Yet people continue to believe and act on these beliefs. In a sense, they become more powerful than the facts because they influence the ways battered women, their friends and family, the professional personnel they encounter, and the general public react to specific instances of battering.

MYTH 1: "Battering" overstates the case. Few women are actually beaten.

FACTS: Once violence has begun in a relationship it will continue and will increase in frequency and severity. Battering can involve severe beatings or threats, rape, weapons, and mental or physical torture.

Battering should not be considered only as isolated incidents resulting from a family dispute, but is a pattern of repeated abuse from which the battered woman does not see an escape. All too often, battering results in murder. A study in one police department in the Midwest indicated that in 85% of the cases of domestic homicide in that city in a given time period, the police had been called at least once before. According to a survey of women in Texas, 19% of the women who were abused during the previous year and 25% of the women who had been abused during their lifetime have been battered at least once a week.

MYTH 2: Battering is a family matter.

FACTS: Assault is a crime in all states. Battering is not simply a family problem but is a far-reaching social problem affecting as many as 50% of all U.S. women. Violence against wives will occur at least once in 2/3 of all marriages and at least 25% of wives in the U.S. are severely beaten during their marriage.

Assault is a costly crime in terms of injuries and dollars. More than one million abused women seek medical help for injuries caused by battering each year. 20% of visits by women to emergency medical services are caused by battering -- in fact, it's the number one cause of emergency room visits by women. In Minnesota, 12% of the injuries sustained in reported incidences of battering required hospitalization.

MYTH 3: It is only low income, working class families who experience violence.

FACTS: Battering affects all racial, social, ethnic, economic, and religious groups and affects each group with equal frequency. The police departments in Norwalk, Connecticut, a city with a wide socioeconomic range receives the same number of domestic assault calls as the police department in Harlem, New York, a city of comparable size.

Battered women with few resources are more visible because they seek help from public agencies. However, middle and upper-class women also seek refuge and assistance, only because of their resources it is more often in hotels and from private agencies.

MYTH 4: Battered women are a particular and easily definable group of women.

FACTS: In reality, a battered woman can be any one of us. Battered women are as diverse as women are. There is no particular kind of woman who is likely to be battered any more than there is a kind of woman who is likely to be raped. The "kind" of woman who is battered is the woman who finds herself with a man who batters.

People would like to be able to identify the characteristics of a battered woman because it makes them feel less responsible. Women would like to be able to identify the characteristics of a battered woman because it makes them feel safer. In essence, it is a way of saying, "If I am not like these women, I will not be battered."

MYTH 5: Battered women ask for it, provoke it, want it, and sometimes even deserve it.

FACTS: This victim-blaming statement suggests that the battered woman should look for the reasons for his violence in her behavior. It suggests that all a battered woman has to do is change her behavior. It also ignores the criminal nature of assault. We know that no one, including a battered woman, can change another person's behavior. We also know that this myth encourages battered women to stay, in an effort to discover what they do to provoke an assault. Responsibility for violence belongs with the person who is behaving violently.

MYTH 6: It can't be that bad or she wouldn't stay.

FACTS: In the U.S. today, on the average, a woman earns slightly more than half of what a man earns. For this reason many women, including battered women, do not feel that they can support themselves and their children. Statistics show that the vast majority of court-ordered child support payments are never made to the custodial parent. Economic dependence is often the reality that traps a battered woman in a dangerous, violent marriage.

Fear of retaliation for leaving, harassment, and further violence from the abuser are also traps for battered women. In 73% of reported incidents, the woman was divorced or separated from the abuser at the time of the assault. Statistically, the most dangerous time for a battered woman is when she is leaving or he believes she is leaving. According to the Bureau of Justice, divorced or separated men committed 79% of spouse abuse.

Battered women are frequently isolated from family, friends, and co-workers, and do not have the support they need to leave or find help. The best assistance one can give a battered woman is to give her support and information.

It is important to recognize and respect that the only person who can determine the safest time to leave is the battered woman herself. She has developed a finely-tuned sense of danger and survival techniques.
For more details, go to Why We Stay?

MYTH 7: Domestic assault is caused by excessive drinking or by abuse of other drugs.

FACTS: Alcohol and other chemical use occur frequently when there is violence directed at a family member; however, it is dangerous to assume that chemical abuse causes battering. It does not. There are almost as many incidents of battering without chemical use as there are involving it. Battering is caused by a batterer who has chosen to use his violence as a means to exert power over, and maintain control of, his victim.

When chemical abuse and violence are both present it is important to deal with each as separate issues. Chemical dependency treatment will not stop violent behavior. In fact, often chemical dependency treatment for the batterer becomes a danger to the victim because of the demand that she be involved in his treatment program.

MYTH 8: Battered women hate men. Battered women need to learn that not all men are bad.

FACTS: Battered women do not hate men. They hate being battered. After being battered, they are afraid of being hurt again by another man.

MYTH 9: It's not all one-sided. Men get battered too.

FACTS: Yes, but according to the FBI, in over 95% of all domestic abuse violence, the man is the batterer. The injuries that battered women receive are at least as serious as 90% of all violent felony crimes, yet under state laws, domestic violence is almost always a misdemeanor.

Are You Being Stalked? Tips For Protection

2009-12-13T09:55:00.000-08:00

Being stalked is a life changing process. Stalking victims are in a state of constant fear 24 hours a day. The ongoing nature of stalking can cause traumatic psychological damage to the victim.

According to 1994 statistics, one million people in the United States have been stalked. High-profile cases of celebrities being stalked have raised the public's awareness to this crime. But the majority of stalking victims are ordinary people, mostly women, who are being pursued and threatened by someone with whom they have had a prior relationship. Approximately 80% of stalking cases involve women stalked by ex- boyfriends and former husbands. Some stalking cases involve ex- employees who are obsessed with the rejection of having lost a job.

Are there any laws against stalking?

California was the first state to pass an anti-stalking law in 1990 in response to the stalking and murder of actress Rebecca Schaeffer. Since then, all other states have enacted anti-stalking laws.

California Law

In California, both criminal and civil laws address stalking. According to the criminal laws, a stalker is someone who willfully, maliciously and repeatedly follows or harasses another (victim) and who makes a credible threat with the intent to place the victim or victim's immediate family in fear for their safety. The victim does not have to prove that the stalker had the intent to carry out the threat. (California Penal Code 646.9)

The criminal penalty for stalking is imprisonment up to a year and/or a fine of up to $1,000. There are more severe penalties when the stalker pursues the same person in violation of a court restraining order, with a sentencing range of two to four years imprisonment. Persons convicted of felony stalking also face stricter penalties if they continue to stalk their victim(s). Courts may issue restraining orders to prohibit stalking. (California Family Code 6320)

A victim, family member or witness may request that the California Department of Corrections, county sheriff or the director of the local department of corrections notify them by phone or mail 15 days before a convicted stalker is released from jail or prison. The victim, family member or witness must keep these departments notified of their most current mailing address and telephone number. The information relating to persons who receive notice must be kept confidential and not released to the convicted stalker. (California Penal Code 646.92) The court may order a person convicted of felony stalking to register with local law enforcement officials within 14 days of moving to a city and/or county. (California Penal Code 646.9)

A victim of stalking may bring a civil lawsuit against the stalker and recover money damages. (See Civil Code 1708.7 for the elements and remedies of the tort of stalking.) Victims may also request that the California Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) suppress their automobile registration and driver's license records from being released to persons other than court and law enforcement officials, other governmental agencies or specified financial institutions, insurers and attorneys. (California Vehicle Code 1808.21, 1808.22) When stalking occurs in the workplace, an employer can request a temporary restraining order or an injunction on behalf of the employee who is a victim of stalking. (California Code of Civil Procedure 527.8)

Federal law

Currently, there are few federal laws that deal directly with stalking.

The Interstate Stalking Punishment and Prevention Act of 1996 punishes persons with a fine and/or imprisonment for crossing state lines "with the intent to injure or harass another person...or place that person in reasonable fear of death or serious bodily injury..." (18 USC § 2261A, 2261, 2262).
Two laws authorize grants for law enforcement agencies to develop programs addressing stalking and for states to improve the process for entering stalking-related data into local, state and national crime information databases such as the National Crime Information Center. (42 USC §§ 3796gg, 14031)
Another law requires a training program for judges to ensure that when they issue orders in stalking cases, they have all the available criminal history and other information from state and federal sources. (42 USC § 14036)
As of September 1996, the Attorney General must compile and report data regarding stalking as part of the National Incident-Based Reporting System. (42 USC § 14038)
The National Center for Victims of Crime has additional information on federal and state laws at its web site: http://www.ncvc.org/law/issues/Stalking/stalking_frames.htm

Tips for Stalking Victims

These tips will help you guard your personal information and lessen the chance that it will get into the hands of a stalker or harasser. However, some of these tips are extreme and should only be used if you are indeed being stalked. Harassment can take many forms, so this information may not be appropriate in every situation and may not resolve serious stalking problems.

(See also the Supplement to this fact sheet, "Security Recommendations for Stalking Victims," provided by the Los Angeles Police Department's Threat Management Unit.)

1. Use a private post office box. Residential addresses of post office box holders are generally confidential. However, the U.S. Postal Service will release a residential address to any government agency, or to persons serving court papers. The Post Office only requires verification from an attorney that a case is pending. This information is easily counterfeited. Private companies, such as Mail Boxes Etc., are more strict and will require that the person making the request have an original copy of a subpoena. Use your private post office box address for all of your correspondence. Print it on your checks instead of your residential address. Instead of recording the address as "Box 123," use "Apartment 123."

2. File a change-of-address card with the U.S. Postal Service giving the private mail box address. Send personal letters to friends, relatives and businesses giving them the new private mailbox address. Give true residential address only to the most trusted friends. Ask that they do not store this address in rolodexes or address books which could be stolen.

3. Sign up for your state's address confidentiality program . 18 states offer a program that enables victims of domestic violence and stalking to protect their residential address. For a list, visit: www.sos.state.ok.us/acp/acp_welcome.htm (Click on "Other States with ACP.")

4. Obtain an unpublished and unlisted phone number. The phone company lists names and numbers in directory assistance (411) and publishes them in the phone book. Make sure you delete your information from both places. Don't print your phone number on your checks. Give out a work number when asked.

5. If your state has Caller ID, order Complete Blocking (called "Per Line" Blocking in other states). This ensures that your phone number is not disclosed when you make calls from your home. (California phone companies have offered Caller ID June 1996. See PRC fact sheet 19 on Caller ID.)

6. Avoid calling 800, 888 and 900 number services. Your phone number could be "captured" by a service called Automatic Number Identification. It will also appear on the called party's bill at the end of the month. If you do call 800 numbers, use a pay phone.

7. Have your name removed from any "reverse directories." The entries in these directories are in numerical order by phone number or by address. These books allow anyone who has just one piece of information, such as a phone number, to find where you live. Reverse direct-ories are published by phone companies and direct marketers. (See PRC fact sheet no. 4 on "junk mail.")

8. Let people know that information about you should be held in confidence. Tell your employer, co-workers, friends, family and neighbors of your situation. Alert them to be suspicious of people inquiring about your whereabouts or schedule.

9. Do not use your home address when you subscribe to magazines. In general, don't use your residential address for anything that is mailed or shipped to you.

10. Avoid using your middle initial. Middle initials are often used to differentiate people with common names. For example, someone searching public records or credit report files might find several people with the name, Jane Doe. If you have a common name and want to blend in with the crowd, don't add a middle initial.

11. When conducting business with a government agency, only fill in the required pieces of information. Certain government agency records are public record. Anyone can access the information you disclose to the agency within that record. Public records such as county assessor, county recorder, DMV and business licenses are especially valuable finding tools. Ask the agency if it allows address information to be confidential in certain situations. If possible, use a post office box and do not provide your middle initial, phone number or your Social Security number. If you own property or a car, you may want to consider alternative forms of ownership, such as a trust. This would shield your personal address from the public record. (For more information on "government records and privacy," see PRC fact sheet number 11.)

12. Put your post office box on your driver's license. Don't show your license to just anyone. Your license has a lot of valuable information to a stalker.

13. Don't put your name on the list of tenants on the front of your apartment building. Use a variation of your name that only your friends and family would recognize.

14. Be very protective of your Social Security number. It is the key to much of your personal information. Don't pre-print the SSN on anything such as your checks. Only give it out if required to do so and ask why the requester needs it. The Social Security Administration may be willing to change your SSN. Contact the SSA for details. (See PRC fact sheet number 10 on "SSNs.")

15. Alert the three credit bureaus--Experian, Equifax and Trans Union--to your situation. Ask them to "flag" your record to avoid fraudulent access. (See PRC fact sheet number 6 on "credit reporting" for addresses and phone numbers. See also fact sheet number 17 on "identity theft.")

16. If you are having a problem with harassing phone calls, put a beep tone on your line so callers think you are taping your calls. Use an answering machine to screen your calls, and put a "bluff message" on your machine to warn callers of possible taping or monitoring. Be aware of the legal restrictions on taping of conversations.
(See PRC fact sheet number 3 on "harassing phone calls." See also fact sheet number 9 on "wiretapping and eavesdropping.")

17. If you use electronic mail and other online computer services, change your e-mail address if necessary. Do not enter any personal information into online directories. For a list of state cyber-stalking laws, see National Conference of State Legislatures, www.ncsl.org/programs/lis/CIP/stalk99.htm. See also cyber-stalking resources below and the PRC's online privacy fact sheet, www.privacyrights.org/fs/fs18-cyb.htm.

18. Keep a log of every stalking incident, plus names, dates and times of your contacts with law enforcement and others. Save phone message tapes and items sent in the mail.

19. Consider getting professional counseling and/or seeking help from a victims support group. They can help you deal with fear, anxiety and depression associated with being stalked.

20. Make a police report. Consider getting a restraining order if you have been physically threatened or feel that you are in danger. When filed with the court, a restraining order legally compels the harasser to stay away from you, or he/she can be arrested. Be aware that papers filed for a restraining order or police report may become public record. Put minimal amounts of information and only provide a post office box address. You should contact an attorney or legal aid office if a restraining order becomes necessary. (Note: Some security experts warn that restraining orders sometimes lead to violence. Before obtaining a restraining order, consider your options carefully.)

21. And these final tips from someone who was stalked for over three years: For your own protection, carry pepper spray. Get a car phone and/or a beeper. Carry a digital or video camera. Never verify anything, like your home address, over the phone.

For More Information

To obtain a guide for stalking victims, write or call the National Center for Victims of Crime
2111 Wilson Blvd.
Ste. 300, Arlington, VA 22201
Phone: (800) FYI-CALL or (703) 276-2880
Web: www.ncvc.org
www.ncvc.org/src/
National Domestic Violence Hotline -- (NDVH helps victims find safe houses.)
(800) 799-SAFE, (512) 453-8117
Web: www.ndvh.org
E-mail: ndvh@ndvh.org

Cyber-stalking Resources:

Working to Halt Online Abuse, www.haltabuse.org
Wired Safety, www.wiredsafety.org/cyberstalking_harassment/index.html

Other web sites:

Nat'l Coalition Against Domestic Violence, state resources, www.ncadv.org/resources/StateCoalitionList_73.html
End Stalking in America, www.esia.net
Stalking Behavior, by D. T. Coon www.stalkingbehavior.com
Feel Safe Again (Sandy's Law, Massachusetts) www.feelsafeagain.org
Los Angeles Co. District Attorney www.lovemenot.org
AXIS Intervention & Training Institute www.stalkingrescue.org
Stalking Victims' Sanctuary, by Linden Gross www.stalkingvictims.com
Privacy Rights Clearinghouse www.privacyrights.org
AntiStalking website, by Doreen Orion, MD www.antistalking.com
Gavin de Becker, Inc. threat assessment & protection services www.gdbinc.com
"Stalking through the Courts," by Janet Normalvanbreucher www.gate.net/~liz/liz/FRtactic.html
The Stalking Assistance Site, Kim Kelly & Joann Ugolini www.stalkingassistance.com
Safety Ed International www.safetyed.org

Original Article

Are You Abusing?

2009-12-04T12:51:00.001-08:00

Not all men are abusive, how do you measure up?

Abuse Is:

Calling bad names or putting someone down
Shouting and cursing
Hitting, slapping and/or pushing
Making threats of any kind
Jealousy and suspicion
Keeping someone away from family and friends
Throwing things around the house

Domestic violence is a crime.

It destroys relationships and families.
It passes from generation to generation.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
If you abuse, you can choose to stop.
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3223.

Friends & Family

Yes, it is your business

Maybe he’s your friend, your brother-in-law, your cousin, co-worker, gym partner or fishing buddy. You’ve noticed that he interrupts her, criticizes her family, yells at her or scares her. You hope that when they’re alone, it isn’t worse.
The way he treats her makes you uncomfortable, but you don’t want to make him mad or lose his friendship. You surely don’t want to see him wreck his marriage or have to call the police. What can you do?
Say something. If you don’t, your silence is the same as saying abuse is ok. He could hurt someone, or end up in jail. Because you care, you need to do something… before it is too late.

What Can You Say or Do?

Draw attention to it.

“Do you see the effect your bad words have on her?”
“When you do that, it makes her feel bad.”
“Did you mean to be so rough? That’s not cool.”

Tell him what you think.

“I’m really worried about her safety.”
“I’m surprised to see you act that way. You’re better than that.”
“I care about you, but I won’t tolerate it if you abuse her.”
“This makes me really uncomfortable. It’s not right.”

Express ideas about loving behavior.

“Loving her doesn’t mean abusing her.”
“Good husbands and partners don’t say or do those kinds of things.”

Offer suggestions or solutions.

“Men should never hit or threaten the women they love.”
“Kids learn from their parents. Is this how you want your son to treat women?”
“How would you feel if your daughter chose someone who acted like this?”
“Call me if you feel like you’re losing control.”
“Maybe you should try counseling.”
“You should talk to your faith leader and see what he/she suggests.”

If his behavior is criminal, tell him so.

“Domestic violence is a crime. You could be arrested for this.”
“You could end up in jail if you don’t find a way to deal with your problems. Then what would happen to you and your family?”

He May Not Like It

He may not listen. He may get enraged, deny it, ignore you or make excuses. He may want to talk about what she did to him. He may even laugh it off or make fun of you. Still, you need to say something. Your silence is the same as saying you approve.

Or He May Take You Seriously and Decide to Change

If men learn to put down and abuse women from other men, they can also learn from other men how to respect women. When you decide that violence against women is unacceptable and choose to lead, other men will begin to think twice before they strike with their words or fists.
It isn’t easy or comfortable, but men must step up to the plate because next time, it could be your sister, mother, friend or co-worker. It’s the right thing to do.
Listen. Teach. Lead.

Help Stop Domestic Violence
If you are concerned about the safety of your friend’s partner or spouse, or to learn about services in your area, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or
TTY 1-800-787-3224.
Do The Right Thing
Tell Him There Is A Better Way
Original Article

Alcohol /Drug Abuse and Domestic Violence

2009-12-04T12:49:00.000-08:00

Many studies show a high rate of alcohol and drug abuse among men who batter their female partners. Yet is there really a link between alcohol/drug abuse and domestic violence? No evidence supports a cause-and-effect relationship between the two problems. The relatively high incidence of alcohol abuse among men who batter must be viewed as the overlap of two widespread social problems.

Efforts to link alcohol abuse and domestic violence reflect society's tendency to view battering as an individual deviant behavior. Moreover, there is a reluctance to believe that domestic violence is a pervasive social problem that happens among all kinds of American families. For these reasons, it is essential to emphasize what is known about the relationship between alcohol/drug abuse and domestic violence.

Battering is a socially learned behavior, and is not the result of substance abuse or mental illness. Men who batter frequently use alcohol/drug abuse as an excuse for their violence. They attempt to rid themselves of responsibility for the problem by blaming it on the effects of alcohol.
Many men who batter do not drink heavily and many alcoholics do not beat their wives. Some abusers with alcohol problems batter when drunk, and others when they are sober. For example, Walker's (1984) study of 400 battered women found that 67% of batterers frequently abused alcohol; however, only one-fifth had abused alcohol during all battering incidents on which data was collected. The study also revealed a high rate of alcohol abuse among non-batterers.
In one batterers' program, 80% of the men had abused alcohol at the time of the latest battering incident. The vast majority of men, however, also reportedly battered their partners when not under the influence of alcohol.
Data on the concurrence of domestic violence and alcohol abuse vary widely, from as low as 25% to as high as 80% of cases.
Alcoholism and battering do share some similar characteristics, including:
- both may be passed from generation to generation
- both involve denial or minimization of the problem
- both involve isolation of the family
A battering incident that is coupled with alcohol abuse may be more severe and result in greater injury.
Alcoholism treatment does not "cure" battering behavior; both problems must be addressed separately. However, provisions for the woman's safety must take precedence.
A small percent (7% to 14%) of battered women have alcohol abuse problems, which is no more than that found in the general female population. A woman's substance abuse problems do not relate to the cause of her abuse, although some women may turn to alcohol and other drugs in response to the abuse. To become independent and live free from violence, women should receive assistance for substance abuse problems in addition to other supportive services.
Men living with women who have alcohol abuse problems often try to justify their violence as a way to control them when they're drunk. A woman's failure to remain substance-free is never an excuse for the abuser's violence.

Abusive Relationships

2009-12-04T12:46:00.001-08:00

Abusive Relationships

Nemours Foundation

When Brian and Sarah began dating, all of her friends were jealous. Brian seemed like the perfect guy: smart, sensitive, funny, athletic, and good-looking. For the first couple of months, Sarah thought she had never been happier. She started to miss her friends and family, though, because she was spending more time with Brian and less time with everyone else. That seemed easier than dealing with Brian's endless questions. He worried about what she was doing at every moment of the day.

Sarah's friends became concerned when her behavior started to change. She lost interest in the things she once enjoyed, like swimming and music. She became secretive and moody. When her friends asked Sarah if she was having trouble with Brian, she forcefully denied that anything was wrong. What was going on? Read this article to find out how to tell if you or a friend is being abused and what you can do about it.

What Is Abuse?
Everyone has heard the songs about how much love can hurt. But that doesn't mean physical harm: Someone who loves you should never abuse you. Healthy relationships involve respect, trust, and consideration for the other person.

Abuse can sometimes be mistaken for intense feelings of caring or concern. Sometimes abuse can even seem flattering; think of a friend whose boyfriend or girlfriend is insanely jealous. Maybe you've thought your friend's partner really cares about him or her. But actually excessive jealousy and controlling behavior are not signs of affection at all. Love involves respect and trust; it doesn't mean constantly worrying about the possible end of the relationship.

Abuse can be physical, emotional, or sexual. Slapping, hitting, and kicking are forms of physical abuse that can occur in both romances and friendships.

Emotional abuse, like teasing, bullying, and humiliating others, can be difficult to recognize because it doesn't leave any visible scars. Threats, intimidation, put-downs, and betrayal are all harmful forms of emotional abuse that can really hurt - not just during the time it's happening, but long after, too.

It's never right to be forced into any type of sexual experience that you don't want. This type of abuse can happen to anyone, anytime.

The first step is to realize that you have the right to be treated with respect and not be physically or emotionally harmed by another person. But how can you prevent becoming involved in this type of relationship? How can you help a friend who is in an abusive relationship?

Signs That You Are Being Abused
Any type of unwanted sexual advances that make you uncomfortable are red flags that the relationship needs to focus more on respect. Phrases like "If you loved me, you would . . . " also should warn you of possible abuse. A statement like this is emotional blackmail from a person concerned about getting what they want. Trust your intuition. If it doesn't feel right, it isn't.

There are important warning signs that you may be involved in an abusive relationship. Abusive behaviors include:

harming you physically in any way, including slapping, pushing, grabbing, shaking, smacking, kicking, and punching
trying to control different aspects of your life, such as how you dress, who you hang out with, and what you say
frequently humiliating you or making you feel unworthy; for example, if a partner puts you down but tells you that he or she loves you
coercing or threatening to harm you if you leave the relationship
twisting the truth to make you feel you are to blame for your partner's actions
demanding to know where you are at all times
constantly becoming jealous or angry when you want to spend time with your friends

Signs That a Friend Is Being Abused
In addition to the signs listed above, here are some signs of abuse to look for in a friend:

unexplained bruises, broken bones, sprains, or marks
excessive guilt or shame for no apparent reason
secrecy or withdrawal from friends and family
avoidance of school or social events with excuses that don't seem to make any sense

If a friend is being abused, the one thing your friend needs most is someone to hear and believe him or her. Maybe your friend is afraid to tell his or her parents because they'll make him or her end the relationship. People who are abused often feel like it's their fault - that they "asked for it" or that they don't deserve any better. But abuse is never deserved. Your friend needs you to help him or her understand that it is not his or her fault. Your friend is not a bad person. The person who abused him or her is at fault and needs professional help.

If you have a friend who is being abused, he or she needs your patience, love, and understanding. Your friend also needs you to encourage him or her to get help immediately from an adult, such as a parent or guidance counselor. Most of all, your friend needs you to listen to him or her without judging. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you have been abused; let your friend know that he or she has your full support.

How You Can Help Yourself
What should you do if you are suffering from any type of abuse? If you can't love someone without feeling afraid, it's time to get out of the relationship fast. You're worth being treated with respect and you can get help.

First, make sure you're safe. A trusted adult can help you. If the person has physically attacked you, don't wait to get medical attention or call the police. Assault is illegal, and so is rape - even if it's done by someone you are dating.

Avoid the tendency to isolate yourself from your friends and family. You might feel like you have nowhere to turn, or you might be embarrassed about what's been going on, but this is the time when you need support most. People like counselors, doctors, teachers, coaches, and friends will want to help you, so let them.

Don't rely on yourself alone to get out of the situation; the people who love and care about you can help you break away. It's important to know that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness - it actually shows that you have a lot of courage and are willing to stand up for yourself.

Where to Get Help
There are many resources available to help you. Your local phone book will list hundreds of crisis centers, teen help lines, and abuse hotlines. These organizations have professionally trained staff to listen, understand, and help.

Ending abuse and violence in teen relationships is a community effort with plenty of people ready to help. Don't forget about those in your neighborhood who will be willing and able to help: religious leaders, school nurses, teachers, school counselors, doctors, and other health professionals are all sources of support and information.

Original Article

Abuse

2009-12-04T12:44:00.001-08:00

Abuse

D'Arcy Lyness, Ph.D.
Nemours Foundation

Amy's finger was so swollen that she couldn't get her ring off. She didn't think her finger was broken because she could still bend it. It had been a week since her dad had grabbed her hand and then shoved her into the wall, but her finger still hurt a lot. She was so embarrassed that she didn't tell anyone. Amy hated the way her dad called her lots of names - and accused her of all sorts of things she didn't do - especially after he had been drinking. It made her feel awful. She wished he would stop, but didn't feel very hopeful that anything would change.

What Is Abuse?
Abuse in families can take many forms. It may be physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, or a combination of any or all of those. Neglect - when parents don't take care of the basic needs of the children who depend on them - can be a form of abuse.

Family violence can affect anyone, regardless of religion, color, or social standing. It happens in both wealthy and poor families and in single-parent or two-parent households. Sometimes parents abuse each other, which can be hard for a child to witness. Some parents abuse their children by using physical or verbal cruelty as a way of discipline. Both girls and guys can experience abusive physical punishment by a parent - but male children are beaten more often than female children.

Physical abuse is often the most obvious form of abuse. It may be any kind of hitting, shaking, burning, pinching, biting, choking, throwing, whipping, paddling, beating, and other actions that cause physical injury, leave marks, or produce significant physical pain.

Sexual abuse is any type of sexual contact between an adult and child or between a significantly older child and a younger child. If a person is abused by a member of his or her immediate family, this is called incest.

Emotional abuse can be difficult to pin down because there are no physical signs to look for. Sure, people yell at each other, express anger, and call each other names sometimes, and expressing anger can sometimes be healthy. But emotional abuse generally occurs when the yelling and anger go too far or when a parent constantly belittles, threatens, or dismisses a child until the child's self-esteem and feelings of self-worth are damaged. And just like physical abuse can cause physical scars, emotional abuse can bring about emotional damage.

Neglect is probably the hardest type of abuse to define. Neglect occurs when a child doesn't have adequate food, housing, clothes, medical care, or supervision. Emotional neglect happens when a parent doesn't provide enough emotional support or deliberately and consistently pays very little or no attention to a child. But it's not neglect if a parent doesn't give a kid something he or she wants, like a new computer or a cell phone.

Abuse doesn't just happen in families, of course. Bullying is a form of abusive behavior that may happen in a peer group - among people of any age. Bullying someone by intimidation, threats, or humiliation can be just as abusive as beating someone up. People who bully others have often been abused themselves. This is also true of people who abuse someone they're dating. But being abused is still no excuse for abusing someone else.

Abuse can also take the form of hate crimes directed at people just because of their race, religion, abilities, gender, or sexual orientation.

Recognizing Abuse
It may sound strange, but people sometimes have trouble recognizing that they are being abused. For example, Amy has been abused but she doesn't think of it that way. Recognizing abuse may be especially difficult for someone who has lived with it for many years. A person might think that it's just the way things are and that there's nothing that can be done about it. People who are abused might mistakenly think they bring it on themselves by misbehaving or by not living up to someone's expectations.

Someone growing up in a violent or abusive family may not know that there are other ways for family members to treat each other. A person who has only known an abusive relationship may mistakenly think that hitting, beating, pushing, shoving, or angry name-calling are perfectly normal ways to treat someone when you're mad. Seeing parents treat each other in abusive ways may lead a child to think that's a normal relationship. It's important for people who grow up with abuse to know that it is not a normal, or healthy, or acceptable way to treat people.

Why Does It Happen?
There is no one reason why people abuse others, although there are some factors that seem to make it more likely that a person may become abusive. Growing up in an abusive family, for example, can teach someone that abuse is a way of life. Fortunately, though, many people who grow up in abusive families realize that abuse is not acceptable and are able to break patterns of abuse.

Some people become abusive because they are not able to manage their feelings properly. For example, people who are unable to control their anger or people who can't cope with stressful personal situations (like the loss of a job or marital problems) may lash out at others inappropriately. Certain types of personality disorders or mental illness can also interfere with a person's ability to relate to others in healthy ways or cause people to have problems with aggression or self-control. Of course, not everyone with a personality disorder or mental illness becomes abusive.

Substance abuse, such as alcoholism or drug use, can also play a role in abuse by making it difficult for the abuser to control his or her actions.

Of course, just because someone may have a problem, it doesn't automatically mean that person will become abusive. If you're one of the thousands of people living in an abusive situation, though, it can help to understand why some people abuse - and to realize that violence is all about the person doing it, not the fault of the person being abused.

Even if someone close to you has behavioral or other problems that cause him or her to abuse others, these don't make the abuse acceptable, normal, or excusable. Abuse can always be corrected, and everyone can learn how to stop.

What Are the Effects of Abuse?
If someone is abused, it can affect every aspect of that person's life, especially self-esteem. How much abuse damages a person depends on the circumstances surrounding the abuse, how often and how long the abuse occurs, the age of the person who was abused, and lots of other factors.

Of course, every family has arguments. In fact, it's rare when a family doesn't have some rough times, disagreements, and anger. Punishments and discipline - like removing privileges, grounding, or being sent to your room - are normal in most families. It becomes a problem, though, when the punishment is physically or emotionally damaging. That's called abuse.

Abused teens often have trouble sleeping, eating, and concentrating. They may perform poorly at school because they are angry or frightened or because they don't care or can't concentrate.

Many people who are abused distrust others. They may feel a lot of anger toward other people and themselves, and it can be hard to make friends. Some abused teens become depressed. Some may engage in self-destructive behavior, such as cutting or abusing drugs or alcohol. They may even attempt suicide.

It's normal for people who have been abused by the people they love to not only feel upset but also confused about what happened to them. They may feel guilty and embarrassed and blame themselves, especially if the abuse is sexual. But abuse is never the fault of the person who is being abused, no matter how much the abuser tries to blame it on them.

Abusers often try to manipulate the people they're abusing into either thinking the abuse is their fault or to keep the abuse quiet. An abuser might say things like: "This is a secret between you and me," or "If you ever tell anybody, I'll hurt you or your mom," or "You're going to get in trouble if you tell. No one will believe you and you'll go to jail for lying." This is the abuser's way of making a person feel like nothing can be done so that he or she won't take any action to stop or report the abuse.

People who are abused may have trouble getting help because it means they'd be reporting on someone they love - someone who may be wonderful much of the time and awful to them only some of the time. So abuse often goes unreported.

What Should Someone Who's Being Abused Do?
People who are being abused need to get help. Keeping the abuse a secret doesn't protect a person from being abused - it only makes it more likely that the abuse will continue.

If you or anyone you know is being abused, talk to someone you or your friend can trust - a family member, a friend, a trusted teacher, a doctor, or an adult who works with youth at school or in a place of worship. Many teachers and counselors, for instance, have training in how to recognize and report abuse.

Telephone directories list local child abuse and family violence hotline numbers that you can call for help. There's also Childhelp USA at (800) 4-A-CHILD ([800] 422-4453).

Sometimes people who are being abused by someone in their own home need to find a safe place to live temporarily. It is never easy to have to leave home, but it's sometimes necessary to be protected from further abuse. People who need to leave home to stay safe can find local shelters listed in the phone book or they can contact an abuse helpline. Sometimes a person can stay with a relative or friend.

People who are experiencing abuse often feel weird or alone. But they're not. No one deserves to be abused. Getting help and support is an important first step to change the situation. Many teens who have experienced abuse find that painful emotions may linger even after the abuse stops. Working with a therapist is one way for a person to sort through the complicated feelings and reactions that being abused creates, and the process can help to rebuild feelings of safety, confidence, and self-esteem.

Original Article

12 Ways To Tell Whether Your Man May Turn Into An Abuser

2009-12-04T12:41:00.000-08:00

Heavy drinking or drug abuse (especially if he uses substances as an excuse for what he does: "The alcohol made me do it.")
Abuse during the courtship period is a guarantee of further abuse that will become more frequent and severe. Don't marry him with the belief that "I can change him." You won't.
Morbid jealousy. This may be a bit flattering at first, but will be a curse later on. You will never convince him that you are innocent of his accusations.
Past child abuse and/or witness of marital violence. This happens in some cases. Children learn what they live. Boys tend to copy their fathers. Abused children discipline their own children as they were taught. He may be a "violence carrier".
Inability to handle frustration. If he blows up and explodes at small things, and reacts with a tantrum over minor things, he may act out frustration with violence in a marriage. How he deals with anger is the key.
A violent temper. This speaks for itself. If you feel fear when he acts out his anger, that fear is a warning signal. Listen to it!
Cruelty to animals, abuse and mistreatment of pets, great enjoyment of hunting for the sake of killing animals could help you to face this question: What makes you know he will treat you any differently?
Preoccupation with weapons. They are an extension of self. A person is what she/he lives. If he ever "playfully" points a gun at you or ever gestures at you with another weapon, what could happen if he became very angry with you?
Mental illness. A person with an unsound mind or without any sense of moral responsibility or guilt may not be in control of his actions. Does he act in ways that you feel are abnormal or strange?
A poor self-image; insecurity about his own masculinity. If he feels compulsive about always being "one up" and dominating and he lives out a macho role at all times, you will be subject to his control and possibly treated like one of his possessions. He may feel he has the right to treat you like his property, to do as he pleases.
A pattern of blaming others, particularly his wife, for his problems. If he never accepts his faults and responsibilities when things go wrong, be ready to be blamed for everything.
Acceptance of violence as an appropriate problem-solving method. Do you want a man who talks out or acts out his anger?

Knight in Tarnished Armor

2009-12-04T12:24:00.000-08:00

One of our members shared the link to a story written by a Domestic Violence Survivor, and I've since talked to her and gotten permission to share with you the below. Not many Survivors are able to put in book form what they went through for many various reasons, and it's always amazing when yet another Survivor is able to do so. I not only thank Erin for writing this book, but for reaching out to others that are in need of her courage!

Knight in Tarnished Armor by Erin Donovan

I often have said that if domestic violence was going to happen to anyone, it was a good thing it happened to me. I was raised in a very loving, kind, stable household. My parents are the best, and there was hardly ever a voice raised in our house, let alone people beating on others. I grew up with a strong sense of self, fierce independence and a lot of self esteem. I had supported myself for years before I got married and really wasn't all that interested in getting married, until my "knight" came along. So when it came time to get out - I did - after almost three years of abuse. But I couldn't get off my mind the women who have gone through similar circumstances and didn't have the fortitude or the support group that I did. I didn't have children, didn't have to go to a shelter, didn't have to go find a job or place to live. I had it easy - and still almost ended up dead. I just kept thinking of the thousands and thousands of women who go to bed at night praying they will wake up in the morning and almost wishing they wouldn't because they will have to go through another day of abuse. So, this book kept writing itself in my head. Heck, I'm not an author, but I wrote a book about what I know, and I know domestic violence. I'm stronger for it and my goal is to help anyone, woman, man, child, whomever, make it out and live life the way it should be lived - without fear of being abused, beaten or killed.

In addition to my book, I've taken classes and courses and attended seminars and have read countless books on abuse. I co-founded a support group for women which meets once a month. This group isn't just for abuse victims, it's for anyone woman who needs the support of other women. Then I have "Sit and Sip" - which I call comfort sessions. These are conversations - either e-mail, phone or in person - with domestic violence victims where basically I let them talk. I have found that I'm a very good listener and have the knack to ask questions that draws out what a victim needs to get out without making them feel pressured. One woman, a stranger, called me out of the blue and talked for 4 hours. At the end, she said, "You know, I've never told anyone my story from beginning to end before. My life really sucks!" And she left her abuser right after that and is a very successful real estate agent now. All she needed was to see her life in perspective, for someone to listen, and that's what I do.

The Knight has been out since September 8, 2009 and the feed back I have been getting is exciting and humbling at the same time. I wrote this book for one reason - to help other victims - and I'm glad to say what I have been hearing is that it's doing just that. There is a safety plan (compliments of Focus Ministries - a WONDERFUL organization for victims) and encouragement after my story. One woman ordered one for herself and after she read it she ordered four more to send to each of her granddaughters. I've have done a few radio interviews, but I do have to be careful with where I do what because my ex is still out there and if knows I've revealed his dirty secrets for all the world to see...I'm dead...he WILL kill me, no doubt in my mind.

I guess the best way to sum it up is to read what I have written on my website and I'll include it here:

Welcome to my World

During the years of marriage to the man I thought was my knight in shining armor, the violence that quickly escalated took me by surprise. I had no idea the man he truly was, was not the man I married; sweet, considerate, loving and gentle. There were reasons for the abuse, I was told, so I waited, hoping it would stop. As the violence increased, I started a journal to document what was happening. I would document our latest "encounter", make a copy and give it to my mother to hold in a large manilla envelope - just in case he killed me, there would be enough proof to put him away forever. Sounds a bit sad, but when you are a victim, you think like a victim.

What you will read in my book are those actual journal entries, as well as letters I had written to my husband and his doctors. I have filled in with facts between the entries to flesh out my story and give you a glimpse into the world of a domestic violence victim.

But the important part of Knight in Tarnished Armor is not my story. The important part is the advice at the end, the safety plan, the encouragement, and hopefully the realization that if you are a victim, you are just one step away to being a survivor - that one step out the door that will lead to your freedom. I'm not saying it's easy, but believe me, it's worth it.

I have my life back. I've never been happier and I'm stronger for having walked through the fire. You can do it too and become the woman you want to be. Take that step, we are here to help.

Out of the Chaos of DV, is Born a New Family...

2009-12-04T12:13:00.000-08:00

Too often Domestic Violence situations go severely wrong, so it is wonderful to hear stories of them going right. Below is a story of love, strength, and the commitment to children to protect them, and the bringing together of family.

This hits me personally because I myself am adopted, and have worked with children within the Foster Care system. Too often we hear of those again that go wrong within the system, here is a family that has not only survived but has Thrived through the adversities...

Before clips from 2 sources covering the wonderful event of adoption is a message from Chelsea Hayes. She has shared her story and that of the children she loves in order to help others understand a little bit more about Domestic Violence from a Survivors perspective. After which follows links and an original article about the day of adoption.

Again, I want to express my Congratulations to this family, and a deep heartened Thank You for sharing your story.

A word from a Survivor and a Wonderful Mom...

Here is a speech I have given to other nurses and graduating police officers that i would like to share with you:

First let me begin by thanking you for the opportunity to listen to me speak. Please let me begin by giving you a little history about me….My name is Chelsea and I am a survivor of Domestic violence. I am 29 years old and I am a Nurse. I worked in a local ER for 6 years, and was a volunteer EMT and Firefighter for 4 years. I now work full time in a doctor’s office. I have 5 kids 4 of whom I have now successfully adopted from my ex-husband and 1 biological son. I have never been arrested, I don’t smoke or drink..I was married for 4 years to an extremely abusive man. We met when I was 23 in June of 2003, his 4 children came to live with us 3 weeks later, their mother has and had a severe drug problem and mental issues. We married in October 2003 I got pregnant in November 2003, and I left August 8th 2006. My divorce was final in Sept 2008; I had to wait until after the final trial to legally divorce him so that my testimony during the criminal trial could be preserved. In May 2009 he was sentenced to 20 ½ years with 10 suspended for two counts of 1st degree assault and violating my protective order. The original charges were attempted murder 1st degree assault (twice) False imprisonment and violating my protective order 10 times. We plead down after 3 trials because I did not want the 4 children to testify. The states attorney and their therapists said it would be too much for them and I agreed (1 trial because he plead Not Criminally Responsible, 1 trial for the criminal charges with a hung jury, 1 juror could not decide, and the final trial where he was found guilty) the sentencing was in May 2009. He filed for an appeal that trial was in October 2009 in front of a panel of 3 judges and it was denied. I legally adopted my 4 stepdaughters from the state November 20th 2009. He should be out of jail in 1-3 years from now depending on his behavior while incarcerated.

In the beginning I loved my husband and was ready to spend the rest of my life with him, I truly thought that he was a good man, and a wonderful father, he just had a little bit of a temper… Sometimes. He would get mad sometimes, it started with yelling every now and then, then he started throwing things at me when he got mad, from there it slowly escalated to controlling my friends, made me quit my job, controlled who I talked to and what I talked about. Then it started to progress to physical violence and a lot of verbal abuse.

Looking at the cycle of violence it now all make sense to me. He completely isolated me from my friends and family, put me down on a daily basis; I never had any money unless I asked for it. He never supported my education. He was Completely obsessed with sex always accusing me of cheating on him, he also liked to use the kids to make me feel bad telling me that I was a bad mother and even using the kids to watch me and what I was doing or saying, he would threaten to kill me, himself, my family or the kids if I left or he said he would move with the kids to another country if I left and I would never see them again. He said if I left and took our son he would grow up a bastard because he would never have anything to do with him or kill himself. He said I would never ever be able to keep the 4 girls because they were not biologically mine. He tried to kill me more than once, shot a gun off in front of my infant son, and me twice. He treated me like a
servant making comments that the house was dirty and would not eat any food that I cooked, HE never let me go to church or get our children baptized and I was raised in a religious school and was accustomed to going to church, He was also very intimidating constantly making threats that I did not love him, I was cheating on him or that he would leave with the kids, often he would threaten physical violence if I disagreed with him things as simple as what time the kids should go bed.

I never ever thought that when I married him he would try to kill me. In August of 2006 he did try to kill me, he beat me unconscious with a rock in front of all of the children, Thought I was dead loaded me into the car to bury me and then proceeded to tell my children that he was going to kill them too but he said he would bury my son and I together..so we could be together. I woke up and basically was attacked again, talked my way out of him killing me by swearing to him that I would never tell anyone what happened, that I was a nurse I could take care of my own injuries and no one would ever know, just to please let me live. He held the children and I at gunpoint for an entire week before I finally had the opportunity to leave.

Something important that I think you should know and understand as healthcare professionals is that if you suspect in the slightest way that someone is being abused do not make a judgment. Do not force the person to leave or tell them what they should do. Instead listen to what they have to say, keep an open mind that if someone is talking to you about being abused it may be the first time. The very last thing they need to hear, believe it or not is why don’t you just leave. I heard this so many times in the hospital and by police officers. The truth is it truly not that simple to “ just leave”. Most of these women are so torn down emotionally they truly believe this relationship however harmful it is, is their only option. Again I never thought I would be with some one who controlled me and abused me as much as he did. Women in abusive relationships are extremely co-dependant on their abusers and they truly believe that this is it; this is what they are stuck with. For me it was extremely complicated because there were 5 little children involved 4 of whom were not biologically mine. That I could not just leave with him.

Unfortunately, all of my children were witness to domestic violence and it took me a long time to realize that he controlled me and he controlled our children. My children have suffered immensely due to the violence that they witnessed. Children know, they hear, they feel, they see it all and most important they remember. As much as I wish they did not know all this they do because they saw it heard it and were apart of it, they will never forget and it affects them daily. My children would even be so terrified of their dad they would lie to police and social workers about him. He would tell them what to say, he would tell them if I called the police they had to say I hit him even though I had not so I would go to jail not him. So I would not call or I would lie when they came. All of my children have severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. When we lived with my ex husband two of my children failed grades, he would often keep them home to watch me alternating between the four older children. In 3 years we lived at least 10 different places. He would move us when the neighbors or police started to ask questions.

The children are the ones that seem to be most forgotten about in all of this violence, but I think being exposed to this violence so profoundly influences them. In the end the breaking point for me was not when he tried to kill me but when I woke up and realized what had happened that he thought I was dead and so did my children, that my children had seen it all, and all of them were too scared to help me, to run next door to the police officer’s house or call 911. That is when I knew I had to do something to help myself because no one was going to help me or my children.

That week while held hostage in my own home I was able to make a phone call and spoke with one man named Bill Mitchell who took the time to share with me his story about his daughter Kristen Mitchell and how she had been stabbed to death by her boyfriend, his family had lost their daughter…forever. I thought that cold be me, that coul dbe my mom or sister telling that story. After I heard him I had finally gathered enough strength I got that extra reality check, that extra strength to know I HAD to leave. After the support of my sister, mom, one man named Bill Mitchell and one single police officer that finally took the time to listen to me and not make any judgments. I left – I left with just me and my 5 kids I had $500.00 and no clothes, toys-nothing except me my kids and a cell phone. I made the decision for me and my children to leave everything behind. We lost everything the house the toys the car everything all gone. I have had to rebuild
slowly getting clothes and toys from friends and family. But no matter how hard it is it will never be as hard as living one day the way we did.

As healthcare professionals try to keep in mind that if you suspect Violence try and definitely talk ALONE with the patient. Let them know that there are options to help them. Let them know that you are there to listen and not make any judgments, encourage them to make baby steps toward a plan for better different life if not for them for their children. Do not make false promises but let them know that there are many resources in the community to help women in their situation, to help keep them safe. Encourage them to try and confide in at least one person and tell that person how they are feeling and what is happening, keep a journal or notebook of dates. It is very difficult to understand how a person lives day by day with their abuser.

Also keep in mind that if the abuser is with the victim a very good way to get the trust of the abuser is to get on his good side however hard that my be for you, In order to help the victim you have to have the trust of the abuser. This is really hard to do but try as hard as you cannot to make judgments if you suspect abuse. The abuser controls the victim. If he suspects that you have any hard feelings toward him he will shut her down automatically. He took me to the hospital numerous times, but the second he thought someone suspected abuse he made me leave.

Let me end with a few very interesting facts that I have learned about Domestic violence. Did you know..
Every 9 seconds a woman is physical abused in this country
Domestic Violence is the #1 cause of birth defects according to the march of dimes?
67% of abusers abuse their children
30% of all murders are women being killed by their partners
In 87% of violent homes, children witness the battering.
According to the US department of justice almost 54% of all men experienced physical assault as a child at the hands of an adult caretaker.

Now after I have left life is not easy, not easy at all it is extremely stressful being a single parent of 5 children with severe emotional issues, trying to make ends meet. Trying to make family members understand why I stayed, and some believe it or not why I left…and many whom blame me for their son, brother or uncle being in jail. But every day I am free- free to work, free to be a good parent, free to say what I want when I want, Every day gets better and better and for me and my children and I am truly thankful for every day in my life, because I know that every day is a gift to me and my children.

Thank you again for your time I hoped I have helped you understand a little bit more about Domestic Violence from a Survivors perspective. Thank you Chelsea Hayes

Adoption Day in Montgomery Co. Court

Two dozen families officially unite

Updated: Friday, 20 Nov 2009, 5:58 PM EST
Published : Friday, 20 Nov 2009, 5:58 PM EST

Tisha Thompson
tisha.thompson@foxtv.com

By TISHA THOMPSON/myfoxdc

ROCKVILLE, Md. - In a place where fidgety kids are normally not allowed, Montgomery County Courthouse #1 became 2-year-old Walter Best’s personal playground.

Walter crawled under court benches, grabbed at cameras and ran circles around the packed courtroom.

“I’ve been running behind him in the courtroom,” his exhausted grandmother Doris Deltoro explained. “But it’s worth it. It’s worth it.”

It's woorth it because Doris and her husband, Jose Deltoro, were waiting to adopt Walter. They were one of more than two dozen groups waiting to finally become a family.

Across the courtroom, John Ward and Marco Beltran beamed as they showed off 1-year-old Anthony.

Known only as a foster child named Baby Boy Doe, Anthony arrived at their home when he was just 3 days old.

“We were open to pretty much any child,” Ward explained. “We happened to have a crib, a nursery ready to go, and Anthony came.”

Beltran cried as Circuit Court Judge Katherine Savage called the new family to the dais and announced to the crowd, “Here come those magic words.” She read, “This is the judgment for adoption and change of name,” and the signed the document, officially giving Anthony his name.

Later, 12 year-old Sabrina Hayes stood with her three sisters as another judge declared all four the children of their stepmother, Chelsea Hayes.

“We were exposed to a lot of domestic violence,” Chelsea said.

She explained how she fled her marriage by taking her ex-husband’s four girls with her.

“I never thought I would be able to have the girls because they weren’t my biological children,” Hayes said.

Six years later, Sabrina said the ceremony was “amazing because I know I have somebody to love and somebody who loves me and we have a stable home.”

Her eldest sister, 15-year-old Samantha Hayes, then told her new mother, “I love you. Thank you for being there even in the bad times.”

Finally, it was little Walter’s turn, who calmed down just long enough for a judge to transform his paternal grandparents into simply “Mommy” and “Daddy.”

But within minutes, Walter was back in form, hollering at the top of his lungs as a worn-out but jubilant Doris smiled. “It’s a proud day,” she said. “I’m so happy.”

Original Article

ABC7 News Video

A story of hopeful love, turned to violence and murder

2009-11-11T21:09:00.000-08:00

This is something I decided to share on all of the blogs because I feel that through Mildred Muhammad’s pain, society as a whole can see yet again a bit of insight into a Domestic Violence Victim. Here is a Survivor that dealt with the “hidden” affects of DV, those that aren’t seen but leave deep scars.

“But in general this book is about domestic violence when there are no scars — the domestic abuse that strains the victims' credibility in some minds because there are no broken bones or blackened eyes, and because the perpetrator is such a smooth monster, and John Muhammad was certainly that. He once told his wife, “I'm going to fix it so that no one will ever believe you or want you.” Imagine that, after John Muhammad kidnapped his and Mildred's three children and fled with them to Antigua, where he stayed for 18 months. There were people who knew where her children were, but for whatever reason (maybe, they were afraid of John, too) wouldn't give Mildred any relief.”

This is something I feel that anyone dealing with those going through Domestic Violence should read. I have yet to read the book myself, but from what I’ve read and heard, it sounds like there were warning signs that could have prevented this monster from removing himself from “Behind Closed Doors” into becoming a monster that thousands feared. We’ve all “met” the monster, now I feel it’s time to meet the Survivor……

A story of hopeful love, turned to violence and murder

Betty Winston Bayé • October 27, 2009

One day my ex-husband and the father of my children will be executed. I am still processing this fact. … Until that day execution seems like just another word. I cannot begin to comprehend how I will feel when this day comes, but I will have to lead my children through their grief.

MILDRED MUHAMMAD,
author of ‘Scared Silent'

The man that Mildred Muhammad loved, married in 1983 and bore three children for was a charming liar and cunning manipulator. He's John Allen (Williams) Muhammad, aka “The D.C. Sniper,” who in 2002, with teenager Lee Boyd Malvo, engaged in a three-week killing spree during which 13 people were shot, 10 of them fatally. The two also are implicated in other murders in Alabama and Tacoma, Wash. Their D.C.-area victims were randomly chosen as they engaged in the most mundane things: mowing grass, pumping gasoline, walking across a mall parking lot and waiting for a school bus. Thus, the terrifying fear as people wondered who would be next.

When they met in Baton Rouge, La., John Williams cast himself as the handsome prince come to sweep Cinderella off her feet. John immediately went to work on Mildred's heart. His tears appealed to her sensitive side as did his tale of a sad childhood in New Orleans, where his mother died of breast cancer. John had big dreams and once looked Mildred in the eye and said, “I'm looking for someone to share my life.” That did it for Mildred, who said that John had her at a disadvantage because “my ideas of how a man should behave in a relationship were all romanticized and based on television, movies and hearsay.”

What Mildred didn't know was that John was already married. Buy the book to learn the rest of that story.

But in general this book is about domestic violence when there are no scars — the domestic abuse that strains the victims' credibility in some minds because there are no broken bones or blackened eyes, and because the perpetrator is such a smooth monster, and John Muhammad was certainly that. He once told his wife, “I'm going to fix it so that no one will ever believe you or want you.” Imagine that, after John Muhammad kidnapped his and Mildred's three children and fled with them to Antigua, where he stayed for 18 months. There were people who knew where her children were, but for whatever reason (maybe, they were afraid of John, too) wouldn't give Mildred any relief.

Perhaps John Muhammad suffered post-traumatic stress after serving in the Gulf War, but even before he joined the Army, there were clues that he may have been a troubled young man. When things didn't go his way — even if it was while playing tag or Monopoly with his children — John would pout and change the rules.

Mildred's story of life with an abusive man who became a notorious killer is the tale of a woman fighting desperately to save her sanity, her physical self and her children. Hers is also a story of the power of prayer and friends and strangers who intervened. At the back of the book, there are resources for domestic abuse victims, for the people who love them or who simply want to gain a better understanding of the complex issues involved. The book even includes a “safety plan” with advice on how to prepare to get away from an abusive situation and what to take when you leave.

With John Muhammad behind bars, Mildred and her children finally are free from the terror. She remarried in 2007. Her son is in college, and her two daughters plan to attend colleges of performing arts. Mildred is on the speaking circuit; she's on the board of several organizations; consults with the federal Office for Victims of Crimes; and she's created “After the Trauma” to assist victims of domestic violence.

But for all the good stuff, a fairy-tale happy ending is still elusive because, as Mildred said, there's the execution to be dealt with, and she wrote, “My brain still has difficulty coming to terms with the fact that John was going to kill me; that I am not supposed to be here. I was supposed to be a statistic. And at times, my imagination still presents me a gruesome and graphic picture of a bloody, dead me.”

Original Article

Third National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect

2009-11-11T20:43:00.001-08:00

This report presents the results of the congressionally mandated Third National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect (NIS-3). The NIS is the single most comprehensive source of information about the current incidence of child abuse and neglect in the United States. The NIS-3 findings are based on a nationally representative sample of over 5,600 professionals in 842 agencies serving 42 counties. The study used two sets of standardized definitions of abuse and neglect. Under the Harm Standard, children identified to the study were considered to be maltreated only if they had already experienced harm from abuse or neglect. Under the Endangerment Standard, children who experienced abuse or neglect that put them at risk of harm were included in the set of those considered to be maltreated, together with the already-harmed children.

The NIS-3 provides us with important insights about the incidence and distribution of child abuse and neglect and about changes in incidence since the previous studies.

Incidence

There have been substantial and significant increases in the incidence of child abuse and neglect since the last national incidence study was conducted in 1986.
Under the Harm Standard definitions, the total number of abused and neglected children was two-thirds higher in the NIS-3 than in the NIS-2. This means that a child's risk of experiencing harm-causing abuse or neglect in 1993 was one and one-half times the child's risk in 1986.
Under the Endangerment Standard, the number of abused and neglected children nearly doubled from 1986 to 1993. Physical abuse nearly doubled, sexual abuse more than doubled, and emotional abuse, physical neglect, and emotional neglect were all more than two and one-half times their NIS-2 levels.
The total number of children seriously injured and the total number endangered both quadrupled during this time.

Child Characteristics

Girls were sexually abused three times more often than boys.
Boys had a greater risk of emotional neglect and of serious injury than girls.
Children are consistently vulnerable to sexual abuse from age three on.
There were no significant race differences in the incidence of maltreatment or maltreatment-related injuries uncovered in either the NIS-2 or the NIS-3.

Family Characteristics

Children of single parents had a 77% greater risk of being harmed by physical abuse, an 87% greater risk of being harmed by physical neglect, and an 80% greater risk of suffering serious injury or harm from abuse or neglect than children living with both parents.
Children in the largest families were physically neglected at nearly three times the rate of those who came from single-child families.
Children from families with annual incomes below $15,000 as compared to children from families with annual incomes above $30,000 per year were over 22 times more likely to experience some form of maltreatment that fit the Harm Standard and over 25 times more likely to suffer some form of maltreatment as defined by the Endangerment Standard.
Children from the lowest income families were 18 times more likely to be sexually abused, almost 56 times more likely to be educationally neglected, and over 22 times more likely to be seriously injured from maltreatment as defined under the Harm Standard than children from the higher income families.

Child Protective Services (CPS) Investigation

CPS investigated only 28% of the recognized children who met the Harm Standard. This was a significant decrease from the 44% investigated in 1986.
Although the percentage of children whose abuse or neglect was investigated declined, the actual number of children investigated remained constant.
CPS investigated less than one-half of all Harm Standard children recognized by any source and less than one-half of all Endangerment Standard children recognized by any source except police and sheriffs' departments (52%).
Schools recognized the largest number of children maltreated under the Harm Standard, but only 16% of these children were investigated by CPS.
CPS investigated only 26% of the seriously injured and 26% of the moderately injured children.

This study would not have been possible without the support of hundreds of agencies and individual caseworkers, teachers, police officers, social workers, probation officers, nurses, and other professionals in the study counties who contributed their enthusiastic support and much of their time in the effort to assess accurately the incidence, nature, and distribution of child abuse and neglect in the United States. I extend my appreciation to these dedicated respondents.

This report summarizes the Third National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect (NIS-3). It gives a synopsis of the study's background and objectives, its design and methods, and its key findings and implications.

Background and Objectives

The National Incidence Study (NIS) is a congressionally mandated, periodic effort of the National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect (NCCAN). The first NIS (NIS-1), mandated under P.L. 93-247 (1974), was conducted in 1979 and 1980 and published in 1981. The second NIS (NIS-2), mandated under P.L. 98-457 (1984), was conducted in 1986 and 1987 and published in 1988. The third NIS (NIS-3) was mandated under P.L. 100-294 (as amended). The NIS-3 data were collected in 1993 and 1994, analyses conducted in 1995 and 1996, and these results published in 1996. A key objective of the NIS-3 was to provide updated estimates of the incidence of child abuse and neglect in the United States and measure changes in incidence from the earlier studies.

Design and Methods

The NIS-3 offers an important perspective on the scope of child abuse and neglect. The NIS includes children who were investigated by child protective service (CPS) agencies, but it also obtains data on children seen by community professionals who were not reported to CPS or who were screened out by CPS without investigation. This means that the NIS estimates provide a more comprehensive measure of the scope of child abuse and neglect known to community professionals, including both abused and neglected children who are in the official statistics and those who are not. The NIS follows a nationally representative design, which means that the estimates represent the numbers of abused and neglected children in the United States who come to the attention of community professionals. The fact that there have been three similar national incidence studies that have used comparable methods and definitions means that one can compare NIS-3 estimates with those from the earlier studies in order to identify any changes over time in the incidence and distribution of abused and neglected children.

The NIS-3 was conducted in a nationally representative sample of 42 counties. In every county, the CPS agency was a key participant, providing basic demographic data on all the children who were reported and accepted for investigation during the 3-month study data period, September 5 through December 4, 1993. Further details about the child's maltreatment and the outcome of the CPS investigation were obtained for a representative sample of these cases.

Like the NIS-1 and NIS-2 before it, the NIS-3 employed a sentinel survey methodology, in which community professionals serving children and families in various categories of non-CPS agencies were also recruited into the study. In each county, these sentinels were a representative sample of all professional staff who were likely to come into contact with maltreated children in police and sheriffs' departments, public schools, day-care centers, hospitals, voluntary social service agencies, mental health agencies, and the county juvenile probation and public health departments. The participating sentinels in the NIS-3 were 5,612 professionals in 800 non-CPS agencies who remained on the lookout for maltreated children during the study period. They were trained in the standard NIS definitions of abuse and neglect at the outset, and they submitted data forms on any children they encountered who were maltreated during the study data period. The NIS-3 collected a total of 50,729 data forms: 4,711 from non-CPS sentinels; 3,154 on the investigation outcomes and the abuse and neglect involved in cases sampled at participating CPS agencies; and 42,864 capturing the basic demographic data on all cases reported to participating CPS agencies during the study period.

Children who were submitted to the study by non-CPS sentinels and those who were investigated in the CPS sampled cases were evaluated according to standard study definitions of abuse and neglect, and only children who fit the standards were used in generating the national estimates. The definitional standards used in the NIS-3 were identical to those used in the NIS-2. These standards imposed a number of requirements, including the restriction that the abuse or neglect be within the jurisdiction of CPS (i.e., perpetrated or permitted by a parent or caretaker), and they applied uniform classification systems to index the type of maltreatment and the severity and type of injury or harm.

Two sets of definitional standards were applied: the Harm Standard and the Endangerment Standard. The Harm Standard was developed for the NIS-1, and it has been used in all three national incidence studies. It is relatively stringent in that it generally requires that an act or omission result in demonstrable harm in order to be classified as abuse or neglect. Exceptions are made in only a few categories where the nature of the maltreatment itself is so egregious that the standard permits harm to be inferred when direct evidence of it is not available. The chief advantage of the Harm Standard is that it is strongly objective in character. Its principal disadvantage is that it is so stringent that it provides a view of abuse and neglect that is too narrow for many purposes, excluding even many children whose maltreatment is substantiated or indicated as abuse or neglect by CPS.

To meet the need to include the full set of substantiated/indicated children in the incidence statistics, the Endangerment Standard was developed as a definitional standard during the NIS-2 to supplement the perspective provided by the Harm Standard. The Endangerment Standard includes all children who meet the Harm Standard but adds others as well. The central feature of the Endangerment Standard is that it allows children who were not yet harmed by maltreatment to be counted in the abused and neglected estimates if a non-CPS sentinel considered them to be endangered by maltreatment or if their maltreatment was substantiated or indicated in a CPS investigation. In addition, the Endangerment Standard is slightly more lenient than the Harm Standard concerning the identity of allowable perpetrators in that it includes maltreatment by adult caretakers other than parents in certain categories as well as sexual abuse perpetrated by teenage caretakers. The Endangerment Standard was used in both the NIS-2 and the NIS-3.

Duplicate forms about the same child were identified and unduplicated, so that each child was included in the database only once. Finally, the data were weighted to represent the total number of children maltreated in the United States and annualized to transform the information from the 3-month data period into estimates reflecting a full year.

The National Incidence of Child Abuse and Neglect

The findings of the Third National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect (NIS-3) show a sharp increase in the scope of the problem, whether maltreatment is defined using the Harm Standard or the Endangerment Standard.

Estimated Incidence As Defined by the Harm Standard.

An estimated 1,553,800 children in the United States were abused or neglected under the Harm Standard in 1993. The NIS-3 total reflects a 67% increase since the NIS-2 estimate, which indicated that the total was 93 1,000 children in 1986, and it corresponds to a 149% increase since the NIS-1 estimate for 1980 of 625,100 children. Significant or close-to-significant increases were found in both abuse and neglect. The number of abused children who were countable under the Harm Standard rose by 46% from an estimated 507,700 in the NIS-2 to 743,200 in the NIS-3. The number of neglected children who fit the Harm Standard increased significantly from 474,800 during the NIS-2 data collection in 1986 to 879,000 at the time of the NIS-3 data period in 1993. In the estimates given here and below, children are included in all categories that apply to them (i.e., those who were both abused and neglected are included in both estimates).

Considering specific types of abuse and neglect as defined by the Harm Standard, significant increases since the NIS-2 were found in the incidence of sexual abuse, physical neglect, and emotional neglect, and a close-to-significant (i.e., statistically marginal) increase was observed in the incidence of physical abuse:

The estimated number of sexually abused children under the Harm Standard rose from II 9,200 in 1986 to 217,700 in 1993 (an 83% increase);
The number of physically neglected children under the Harm Standard increased from an estimated 167,800 at the time of the NIS-2 to an estimated 338,900 in the NIS-3 (a 102% rise in incidence);
There was a 333% increase in the estimated number of emotionally neglected children using the Harm Standard, from 49,200 in the NIS-2 to 212,800 in the NIS-3; and
The estimated number of physically abused children under the Harm Standard was 269,700 at the time of the NIS-2, but it had increased to 381,700 during the NIS-3 (a 42% increase).

When these abused and neglected children were classified according to the injury or harm they suffered from maltreatment that fit the Harm Standard, there was a substantial and significant increase in the incidence of children who were seriously harmed and a statistically marginal increase in the number for whom injury could be infeffed due to the severe nature of their maltreatment. The estimated number of seriously injured children essentially quadrupled from 141,700 to 565,000 in the intervening 7 years between the NIS-2 and the NIS-3 (a 299% increase). The number for whom injury could be infeffed increased from an estimated 105,500 children in the NIS-2 to an estimated 165,300 children in the NIS-3 (a 57% increase).

Estimated Incidence Using the Endangerment Standard.

Between 1986 and 1993, the total estimated number of abused and neglected children in the United States who fit the Endangerment Standard nearly doubled: in 1986, there were an estimated 1,424,400 abused and neglected children in the United States. The NIS-3 estimate of 2,815,600 reflects a 98% increase over the NIS-2 figure. Significant increases were found in both abuse and neglect. The number of abused children more than doubled from an estimated 590,800 to 1,221,800 (a 107% increase), while the estimated number of neglected children also more than doubled from 917,200 to 1,961,300 (a 114% increase).

The increases were substantial and significant in all types of abuse and neglect except educational neglect;
The estimated number of physically abused children rose from 311,500 to 614,100 (a 97% increase);
The estimated number of sexually abused children increased from an estimated 133,600 children to 300,200 (a 125% increase);
The more recent estimate of the number of emotionally abused children was 183% higher than the previous estimate (188,100 in 1986 versus 532,200 in 1993);
The estimated number of physically neglected children increased from 507,700 to 1,335, 100 (a 163% increase); and
The estimated number of emotionally neglected children nearly tripled in the interval between the studies, rising from 203,000 in 1986 to 585,100 in 1993 (a 188% increase).

When the children whose abuse or neglect met the Endangerment Standard were classified according to the injury or harm they suffered, significant increases were evident in two categories. First, the 1993 estimate of the number of children who were endangered by their maltreatment (but not yet harmed) was more than four times the corresponding 1986 estimate. That is, the number of endangered children rose from an estimated 254,000 in 1986 to an estimated 1,032,000 in 1993 (a 306% increase). Second, the number of children who were seriously injured or harmed by abuse or neglect that fit the Endangerment Standard in 1993 was well over one-half million, which is nearly quadruple the 1986 estimate for this category. In 1986, an estimated 143,300 children had been seriously injured by abuse or neglect; in 1993, the figure was 569,900 children (a 298% increase). Note that nearly all (99%) of the children who counted as seriously injured here were also countable under the Harm Standard, so the near-quadrupling of their numbers since 1986 essentially reiterates what was reported above in connection with the Harm Standard.

Distribution of Child Abuse and Neglect by the Child's Characteristics

The child's sex and age were related to the rate of maltreatment, but race was not.

Child's Sex.

Girls were sexually abused about three times more often than boys, under both the Harm Standard and the Endangerment Standard. This finding reiterates the NIS-2 result, so females' disproportionately greater risk of sexual abuse has been stable over time. This sex difference in incidence rates of sexual abuse leads to higher rates of abuse in general among girls. Also, because the definitional guidelines permit the inference that injury or harm occurred in connection with the more extreme forms of sexual abuse, girls' greater risk of sexual abuse also accounts for their higher incidence rates for inferred injury.

At the same time, boys had higher incidence rates than girls in some arenas, and boys' maltreatment risks also demonstrated some increases since the NIS-2. Boys were at somewhat greater risk of serious injury (24% higher than girls' risk under both definitional standards), and boys were significantly more likely to be emotionally neglected (boys' risk was 18% greater than girls'). Also, boys' rates of physical neglect defined by the Harm Standard and of emotional abuse using the Endangerment Standard increased more since the NIS-2 than girls' rates did. Moreover, trends in the incidence of fatal injuries from maltreatment moved in opposite directions for girls and boys-the incidence of fatally injured girls declined slightly since the NIS-2, while the incidence of fatally injured boys rose.

Child's Age.

A consistent feature of the age differences in incidence rates within the NIS-3 was the lower incidence of maltreatment among the younger children under both definitional standards. In most cases, the differentiation was between the 0- to 2-year-olds and older children or between the 0- to 5-year-olds and older children. It is possible that the lower rates at these younger ages reflect undercoverage of these age groups. That is, prior to attaining school age, children are less observable to community professionals.

Another recurring theme in connection with age is that of disproportionate increases in the incidence of maltreatment among the younger children (under 12 years old) and especially among children in their middle-cbildhood years (ages 6 to I 1). Note that as circumstances deteriorate and maltreatment becomes more prevalent and more severe, older children have greater opportunities for escape. Also, older children are more able to defend themselves andIor retaliate. These factors may have moderated the increases in maltreatment that were observed among the older age groups.

The disproportionate increases during the younger and middle-childhood years mean that the overall profiles of age differences in maltreatment were different in the NIS-3 than they had been in the NIS-2. During the NIS-2, the risk of maltreatment generally increased with the age of the child in a close-to-linear fashion. With the lopsided increases among the younger children and among children in their middle-childhood years, the profile has changed toward a curvilinear configuration-where the middle-years of childhood are associated with the maximum risk of maltreatment-and toward a somewhat flatter distribution-where age differences are somewhat attenuated overall compared to their NIS-2 patterns.

One of the most striking findings is the age distribution of sexual abuse, which combined the general flattening of the age differences in incidence rates with a very low age transition in the distribution of incidence rates. The rate of sexual abuse as defined under the Endangerment Standard was very low for 0- to 2-year-olds, but then relatively constant for children ages 3 and older, indicating a very broad age range of vulnerability from preschool age on.

Race.

The NIS-3 found no race differences in maltreatment incidence. The NIS-3 reiterates the findings of the earlier national incidence studies in this regard. That is, the NIS-1 and the NIS-2 also found no significant race differences in the incidence of maltreatment or maltreatment-related injuries.

Service providers may find these results somewhat surprising in view of the disproportionate representation of children of color in the child welfare population and in the clientele of other public agencies. However, it should be recognized that the NIS methodology identifies a much broader range of children than those who come to the attention of any one type of service agency or the even smaller subset who receive child protective and other child welfare services. The NIS findings suggest that the different races receive differential attention somewhere during the process of referral, investigation, and service allocation, and that the differential representation of minorities in the child welfare population does not derive from inherent differences in the rates at which they are abused or neglected. It is also important to recognize that while there are no overall race differences in the incidence of child abuse and neglect in the NIS-3 findings, subsequent analyses that simultaneously consider multiple characteristics may reveal race differences in maltreatment incidence among specific subsets of children (e.g., for children of certain ages, for one sex but not the other, etc.).

Distribution of Child Abuse and Neglect by Family Characteristics

The incidence of child maltreatment varied as a function of family income, family structure, family size, and the metropolitan status of the county.

Family Structure.

Children of single parents were at higher risk of physical abuse and of all types of neglect and were overrepresented among seriously injured, moderately injured, and endangered children. Compared with their counterparts living with both parents, children in single parent families had:

a 77% greater risk of being harmed by physical abuse (using the stringent Harm Standard) and a 63% greater risk of experiencing any countable physical abuse (using the Endangerment Standard);
an 87% greater risk of being harmed by physical neglect and a 165% greater risk of experiencing any countable physical neglect;
a 74% greater risk of being harmed by emotional neglect and a 64% greater risk of experiencing any countable emotional neglect;
a 220% (or more than three times) greater risk of being educationally neglected;
an approximately 80% greater risk of suffering serious injury or harm from abuse or neglect;
an approximately 90% greater risk of receiving moderate injury or harm as a result of child maltreatment; and
a 120% (or more than two times) greater risk of being endangered by some type of child abuse or neglect.

Among children in single-parent households, those living with only their fathers were approximately one and two-thirds times more likely to be physically abused than those living with only their mothers.

Although parents are not necessarily, nor even most frequently, the perpetrators of maltreatment, the relationship between parent structure and maltreatment incidence is understandable, considering the added responsibilities and stresses of single-parenting together with the likelihood that surrounding social and practical support may be inadequate.

Family Size.

The incidence of maltreatment was related to the number of dependent children in the family, especially in the categories of physical and educational neglect. For educational neglect, and for physical neglect according to the Harm Standard, the pattern was nonlinear: the incidence rates were highest for children in the largest families (those with four or more children), intermediate for "only" children, and lowest for children in families with two to three children. Children in the largest families were almost three times more likely to be educationally neglected, and nearly two and two-fifths times more likely to be physically neglected under the Harm Standard, compared to children in families with two or three children. Under the Endangerment Standard, the pattern was one of increasing incidence of physical neglect with greater numbers of children. Children in the largest families were physically neglected at nearly three times the rate of those who came from "only" child families.

Additional children in a household mean additional tasks and responsibilities, so it is understandable why incidence rates of child abuse and neglect may be higher when there are more children. Accounting for why "only" children have higher rates of educational neglect and of physical neglect under the Harm Standard than children in families with two or three children requires a different explanation. One possibility is that there may be too many expectations focused on "only" children, whereas expectations (and disappointments) are diffused over multiple children in the larger families. Another possibility is that many "only" child households represent the early stages in their families' development, since a number of these families will have additional children, in time. Thus, many "only" children are in families with relatively young and inexperienced parents and caretakers.

County Metropolitan Status.

The incidence of children who had been moderately harmed by maltreatment was significantly lower among children in large urban counties than among children who lived in other urban counties. This was interpreted as reflecting a general under-coverage of moderately injured maltreated children in the large urban counties. It was not clear whether this was because the moderately injured children are less likely to be encountered by community professionals in the large urban centers, because community professionals in these locales are less likely to identify these children as maltreated, or because the NIS information sources in these counties are less likely to submit data about these maltreated children.

Family Income.

Despite the fact that only a rather gross index of family income was available, and despite a substantial percentage of cases with missing data on this factor, family income was significantly related to incidence rates in nearly every category of maltreatment. Compared to children whose families earned $30,000 per year or more, those in families with annual incomes below $15,000 per year were:

more than 22 times more likely to experience some form of maltreatment under the Harm Standard and over 25 times more likely to suffer maltreatment of some type using the Endangerment Standard;
almost 14 times more likely to be harmed by some variety of abuse and nearly 15 times more likely to be abused using the Endangerment Standard criteria;
more than 44 times more likely to be neglected, by either definitional standard;
almost 16 times more likely to be a victim of physical abuse under the Harm Standard and nearly 12 times more likely to be a victim of physical abuse using the Endangerment Standard;
almost 18 times more likely to be sexually abused by either definitional standard;
thirteen times more likely to be emotionally abused under the Harm Standard criteria and more than 18 times more likely to be emotionally abused in a manner that fit Endangerment Standard requirements;
forty times more likely to experience physical neglect under the Harm Standard and over 48 times more likely to be a victim of physical neglect using the Endangerment Standard;
over 29 times more likely to be emotionally neglected under the Harm Standard definitions and over 27 times more likely to be emotionally neglected by Endangerment Standard criteria;
nearly 56 times more likely to be educationally neglected, by either definitional standard;
sixty times more likely to die from maltreatment of some type under the Harm Standard and over 22 times more likely to die from abuse or neglect using the Endangerment Standard;
over 22 times more likely to be seriously injured by maltreatment under the Harm Standard and almost 22 times more likely to be seriously injured by maltreatment that fit the Endangerment Standard requirements;
about 18 times more likely to be moderately injured by abuse or neglect under the Harm Standard and nearly 20 times more likely to have a moderate injury from maltreatment as defined by the Endangerment Standard;
fifty-seven times more likely to be classified as having an inferred injury under the Harm Standard and 39 times more likely to meet the criteria for inferred injury as defined by the Endangerment Standard; and
over 31 times more likely to be considered endangered, although not yet injured, by some type of abusive or neglectful treatment.

The NIS-3 findings on the correlation between family income and child maltreatment are entirely consistent with the earlier findings of the NIS-2. Moreover, they cannot be plausibly explained on the basis of the higher visibility of lower-income families to community professionals.

On the one hand, the NIS sentinels observe substantial numbers of children and families at the middle- and upper-income levels. The large majority of maltreated children were recognized by professionals likely to encounter children and fan-filies at all Income levels, such as sentinels in hospitals, schools, day-care centers, mental health agencies, voluntary social service agencies; by professionals not represented by NIS sentinel categories; and by the general public. Sentinels in schools alone recognized the majority of the maltreated children. Although the NIS design includes only public schools, approximately 89% of the U.S. population of school-age children attend public schools, so children attending the public schools represent a broad spectrum of family income levels. Moreover, the private schools not reflected in the NIS include religiously affiliated schools, which have sliding scales for poorer children, so children who attend private schools are not necessarily from better economic circumstances than children enrolled in public schools.

On the other hand, if the income finding is interpreted as an artifact of selective observation of low-income families, then it would mean that there have to be enough undetected abused and neglected children in the middle- and upper-income brackets used here to equalize the incidence rates across different income categories. That would require an astounding number of still-undetected children in the nation who experience countable maltreatment. Specifically, it would mean that an additional 2,138,700 children suffered maltreatment according to the Harm Standard yet remained hidden to the NIS. Similarly, it would mean there were an additional 4,500,700 children in 1993 who experienced maltreatment under the Endangerment Standard but who escaped observation by community professionals. To add some perspective as to what this would entail, consider that almost seven% of the total U.S. child population would be maltreated in countable ways yet entirely escape the attention of the spectrum of community professionals who serve as NIS sentinels, and all of these additional children would have to be in families with incomes of $15,000 per year or more.

Considering the implications of the alternative, it appears more plausible to assume that the income-related differences in incidence found in the NIS reflect real differences in the extent to which children in different income levels are being abused or neglected. Note that. there are a number of problems associated with poverty that may contribute to child maltreatment: more transient residence, poorer education, and higher rates of substance abuse and emotional disorders. Moreover, families at the lower socioecononu'c levels have less adequate social support systems to assist parents in their child care responsibilities.

Distribution of Child Abuse and Neglect by Perpetrator Characteristics

Children who had been maltreated as defined by the Harm Standard were categorized according to their relationship to the most closely related perpetrator and according to this perpetrator's sex, age, and employment status; these categorizations were examined in relation to the type of maltreatment and the severity of the child's injury or harm. Perpetrators' relationships to the children also were examined in relation to the children's race. The findings represent only a preliminary exploration of perpetrator characteristics in the NIS-3 data, since they lack significance tests concerning potential relationships and substantial percentages of the children were missing information concerning certain of the perpetrator characteristics.

Perpetrator's Relationship to the Child.

The majority of all children countable under the Harm Standard (78%) were maltreated by their birth parents, and this held true both for children who were abused (62% were maltreated by birth parents) and for those who were neglected (91 % experienced neglect by birth parents).

Birth parents were the most closely related perpetrators for 72% of the physically abused children and for 81% of the emotionally abused children. The pattern was dis tinctly different for sexual abuse. Nearly one-half of the sexually abused children were sexually abused by someone other than a parent or parent-substitute, while just over one-fourth were sexually abused by a birth parent, and one-fourth were sexually abused by other than a birth parent or parent-substitute. In addition, a sexually abused child was most likely to sustain a serious injury or impairment when a birth parent was the perpetrator.

Perpetrator's Sex.

Children were somewhat more likely to be maltreated by female perpetrators than by males: 65% of the maltreated children had been maltreated by a female, whereas 54% had been maltreated by a male. Of children who were maltreated by their birth parents, the majority (75%) were maltreated by their mothers and a sizable minority (46%) were maltreated by their fathers (some children were maltreated by both parents). In contrast, children who were maltreated by other parents or parent-substitutes, or by other persons, were more likely to have been maltreated by a male than by a female (80 to 85% were maltreated by males; 14 to 41 % by females).

Abused children presented a different pattern in connection with the sex of their perpetrators than did the neglected children. Children were more often neglected by female perpetrators (87% by females versus 43% by males). This finding is congruent with the fact that mothers and mother substitutes tend to be the primary caretakers and are the primary persons held accountable for any omissions and/or failings in caretaking. In contrast, children were more often abused by males (67% were abused by males versus 40% by females). The prevalence of male perpetrators was strongest in the category of sexual abuse, where 89% of the children were abused by a male compared to only 12% by a female.

Among all abused children, those abused by their birth parents were about equally likely to have been abused by mothers as by fathers (50% and 58%, respectively), but those abused by other parents, parent-substitutes, or other, nonparental perpetrators were much more likely to be abused by males (80 to 90% by males versus 14 to 15% by females). This general pattern held for emotional abuse, but was slightly different in the area of physical abuse. Children who had been physically abused by their birth parents were more likely to have suffered at the hands of their mothers than their fathers (60% versus 48%), while those who had been physically abused by other parents or parent-substitutes were much more likely to have been abused by their fathers or father-substitutes (90% by their fathers versus 19% by their mothers). For sexual abuse, the child's relationship to the perpetrator made very little difference, since males clearly predominated as perpetrators, whatever their relationship to the child. Moreover, the severity of the injury or impairment that the child experienced as a result of maltreatment did not appear to bear any relationship to the sex of the perpetrator.

Perpetrator's Age.

The perpetrator's age was entirely unknown for one-third of the children who were countable under the Harm Standard. Given the prevalence of children maltreated by perpetrators of unknown age, the findings here are tentative, since they could easily be eradicated if all perpetrators' ages were known.

Among all maltreated children, only a small percentage (13%) had been maltreated by a perpetrator in the youngest age bracket (under 26 years of age). However, younger perpetrators were slightly more predominant among children who had been sexually abused (where 22% had been sexually abused by a perpetrator under 26 years of age) and among children who had been maltreated in any way by someone who was not their parent or parent-substitute (among whom 40% had been maltreated by a perpetrator in the youngest age bracket).

A child's severity of injury or harm from maltreatment appeared not to be associated with the age of the perpetrator.

Perpetrator's Employment Status.

Perpetrator's employment status was unknown for more than one-third of the maltreated children, limiting the value of the findings on this issue. Nearly one-half of all maltreated children were abused by a perpetrator who was employed, and this held true for both abuse and neglect. Of the children who sustained serious injury, the majority were maltreated by an employed perpetrator. In no category were the majority of children maltreated by a perpetrator who was unemployed.

Child's Race and Relationship to the Perpetrator.

Because the perpetrator's race was not known for children submitted to the study solely through non-CPS sources, the child's race was examined in connection with the relationship to the perpetrator and with the nature and severity of the maltreatment.

For overall abuse, child's race reflected no notable connection to the relationship with the perpetrator. However, among sexually abused children, white children constituted a greater proportion of children who were sexually abused by their birth parents than of those sexually abused by other parents and parent-substitutes, and by others. Among physically abused children, white children were more prevalent among those who were physically abused by other parents and parent-substitutes than among those who were physically abused by their birth parents or among those physically abused by other types of perpetrators. Although non-white children were the minority of victims in all categories, they were more prevalent among children who were physically or sexually abused by perpetrators other than parents or parent-substitutes.

White children are a larger majority of those who suffered serious injury, whereas nonwhite children's representation was strongest among those who experienced moderate injury and among those for whom injury could be infeffed based on the severity of their maltreatment.

Sources of Recognition for Maltreated Children

School staff predominated as a source of recognition for maltreated children. School sentinels recognized 59% of the children who suffered maltreatment as defined by the Harm Standard and 54% of the Endangerment Standard total. Other important sources of abused and neglected children were hospitals, police departments, social service agencies, and the general public. For maltreatment defined under the Endangerment Standard, day-care centers also joined in the group of agency categories that encountered more than 100,000 abused and neglected children.

Since the NIS-2, hospitals more than tripled the rate at which they recognized maltreated children; mental health agencies nearly quadrupled their rate of recognition of children who met the Harm Standard and increased their recognition fivefold of children who met the Endangerment Standard; schools more than doubled their rate of recognition of children who met the Endangerment Standard, which included a 70% increase in their recognition rate for the Harm Standard sector. Endangerment Standard recognition more than doubled in law enforcement agencies. Interestingly, there were no changes in the contributions of sources that are tapped in the NIS only through their reports to CPS (e.g., private physicians and the general public). This last finding probably reflects the relatively stable level of CPS involvement with the abused and neglected children countable in the NIS over the time period, as noted below.

Official Reporting of Maltreated Children and Their Investigation by Child Protective Services

The NIS methodology provides information that speaks only to the end result of several processes, indicating whether or not a given maltreated child was or was not among the children whose maltreatment was investigated by CPS. Children who do not receive CPS investigation of their maltreatment represent an enigma to the study, as it cannot be determined whether this was because they were not reported to CPS or because CPS screened their reports out without an investigation.

Despite that limitation, the NIS-3 findings concerning the percentages of abused and neglected children whose maltreatment received CPS investigation are cause for serious concern. Only a minority of the children who were abused or neglected, by either definitional standard, received CPS attention for their maltreatment. CPS investigated the maltreatment of only 28% of children who were countable under the Harm Standard and of only 33% of those whose maltreatment fit the Endangerment Standard. Moreover, the percentages of those who received CPS investigation represented less than one-half of the maltreated children in all categories of maltreatment except fatalities, and across nearly all recognition sources. Especially remarkable was the finding that CPS investigation extended to only slightly more than one-fourth of the children who were seriously harmed or injured by abuse or neglect.

Another important finding was that the percentages of maltreated children who receive CPS investigation have decreased significantly since the NIS-2. The percentage of children receiving investigation among those who met the Harm Standard dropped from 44% to 28%, while the percentage of CPS investigation of children who met the Endangerment Standard fell from 51% to 33%. Although the decline was significant only among children recognized in law enforcement agencies and hospitals, it nevertheless cut across every type of recognition source. The decline in rates of CPS investigation affected abuse under the Harm Standard, all categories of maltreatment under the Endangerment Standard, and all levels of outcomes except fatalities.

At the same time, the actual numbers of countable children investigated by CPS remained stable (when considering Harm Standard totals) or even slightly increased (considering the Endangerment Standard totals). Thus, as the total number of maltreated children has risen, it means that a larger percentage of them have not had access to CPS investigation of their maltreatment. This picture suggests that the CPS system has reached its capacity to respond to the maltreated child population.

Implications

Are the observed increases in the incidence of child abuse and neglect, especially the quadrupling of the numbers of children who were seriously injured or endangered by maltreatment, real increases in the scope of the problem, or do they instead reflect improved recognition on the part of sentinels and other reporters to CPS? The fact that the increases occurred where they did-among children who were seriously injured and among children who were endangered-suggests that both of these dynamics contributed to the observed increases, each dynamic affecting a different sector of the abused and neglected population.

More Children Are Now Being Abused and Neglected Than in 1986, and Their Injuries Are More Serious.

The rise in the number of seriously injured children probably reflects a real increase in child abuse and neglect, because it cannot plausibly be explained on the basis of heightened sensitivity. It is unreasonable to suppose that quadruple the number of seriously injured victims of abuse and neglect existed at the time of the NIS-2 and somehow escaped notice by community professionals. The fact that the seriously injured group has quadrupled during the 7 years since the NIS-2, and now comprises more than one-half million children, appears to herald a true rise in the scope and severity of child abuse and neglect in the United States.

Although the NIS does not address the causes of abuse and neglect, it was striking how often illicit drug use was noted in the narrative descriptions on the NIS data forms. The increase in illicit drug use since the fall of 1986 when the NIS-2 data were collected may have contributed to the rise in incidence observed in the NIS-3. Economics is another factor that may have enlarged the problem. Family income is the strongest correlate of incidence in nearly all categories of abuse and neglect, with the lowest income families evidencing the highest rates of maltreatment. Increases in incidence since 1986 may partially derive from decreased economic resources among the poorer families and the increase in the number of children living in poverty.

Community Professionals Are Better at Recognizing Abused and Neglected Children, Especially Those Endangered but Not Yet Harmed by Maltreatment. The rise in the number of endangered children probably stems from improved recognition of more subtle cues-those that indicate abusive and neglectful behaviors that have not yet resulted in harm or injury. It is quite plausible to suppose that some (even sizable) portion of the endangered children escaped attention in the NIS-2, but that by the time of the NIS-3, community professionals had learned to pay better attention to information that might indicate endangering maltreatment. Note that this explanation also completes an account of consistent progression in recognition across the three national incidence studies. The NIS-2 demonstrated an increase in the number of moderately injured children. In interpreting that finding, it was considered likely to have derived from improved attentiveness to moderate-injury indicators of abuse and neglect. The NIS-3 found no statistical change in the numbers of moderately injured children, which suggests that professionals had reached close-to-maximum recognition rates for this category of children at the time of the NIS-2. The fourfold increase in the number of endangered children in the NIS-3 implies that the subsequent further improvements in recognition have now shifted toward even subtler cues:those associated with not-yet-injurious abusive actions and neglectful omissions.

Better Targeting Is Needed To Ensure CPS Investigation for the Children Who Most Need It.

The number of NIS-countable children who are investigated by CPS has remained fairly stable, or risen slightly, since the last national incidence study in 1986. As a result, CPS investigation has not kept up with the dramatic rise in the incidence of these children, so the percentages who receive CPS investigation of their maltreatment have fallen significantly. The low rates of CPS investigation of the maltreated children, especially of those already seriously injured by maltreatment, warrant immediate attention.

These findings emphasize the need for better targeting, whether by reporters in referring children to CPS, by CPS screening practices in connection with reports, or by both. One possibility is that, although reporters now demonstrate considerable perceptiveness in identifying maltreated children, they have not reliably translated this into reports to CPS, or are unclear as to how to do so. Another possibility is that CPS, which has increasingly turned to screening cases in order to keep its workload manageably within the range of its resources, has not been using effective screening criteria or has been unclear or inconsistent about the criteria to be applied. Note that these are not independent dynamics, because the response of CPS to a report provides feedback that has consequences for future reporting behaviors. Information bearing on these issues is provided by reports on two of the NIS-3 special substudies: the Sentinel Questionnaire Follow-up Study, which asked school sentinels about their decisions to report cases to CPS, and the CPS Screening Policy and Recordkeeping Study, which examined the screening policies and practices of CPS agencies that participated in the NIS-3.

The main NIS-3 data can offer some guidance in targeting. Neglect warrants more attention. It affects the greatest number of maltreated children, and their injuries are often serious. Children from the poorest families are at the greatest risk of maltreatment, so these children may warrant increased CPS attention as well. Children in single-parent families also experienced higher rates of maltreatment. A number of characteristics explored here are not unrelated to each other-for instance, single-parent families often have lower incomes. Further analyses of the NIS-3 data can address the independent contributions of different characteristics to better clarify risk factors that can guide CPS screening activities. Narratives on the NIS data forms can also be more systematically explored. The narratives often included spontaneous comments about illegal drug use, indicated whether the perpetrator had a history (sometimes a criminal record) of sexually or physically abusing/assaulting other children or adults, or noted that the incident described was not the first time the child had been abused or neglected.

As part of improving CPS targeting of the more serious cases, efforts should also focus on achieving better consensus about what types of cases should not receive CPS investigation. Very few of the educationally neglected children currently have their maltreatment investigated by CPS, and those who do may have been maltreated in multiple ways, with the CPS investigation focusing on abuse or other types of neglect. The current role of CPS in relation to educational neglect might be the centerpiece of an emerging consensus on what specific forms of abuse or neglect should not receive CPS investigation.

Forging Working Relationships Between CPS Agencies and Schools.

The NIS has consistently demonstrated that professionals in schools play a central and critical role in identifying children who are abused and neglected. As policies are developed to address the burgeoning problem of child abuse and neglect, they should capitalize on the unique role of school professionals as front-line observers.

Information provided by the DHHS.

For more information, contact the National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information at nccanch@calib.com.

Updated on April 6, 2001

PTSD in Children and Adolescents

2009-11-11T20:38:00.001-08:00

A National Center for PTSD Fact Sheet

By Jessica Hamblen, Ph.D.

The diagnosis of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) was formally recognized as a psychiatric diagnosis in 1980. At that time, little was known about what PTSD looked like in children and adolescents. Today, we know children and adolescents are susceptible to developing PTSD, and we know that PTSD has different age-specific features. In addition, we are beginning to develop child-focused interventions. This fact sheet provides information regarding what events cause PTSD in children, how many children develop PTSD, risk factors associated with PTSD, what PTSD looks like in children, other effects of trauma on children, treatment for PTSD, and what you can do for your child.

What events cause PTSD in children?

A diagnosis of PTSD means that an individual experienced an event that involved a threat to one's own or another's life or physical integrity and that this person responded with intense fear, helplessness, or horror. There are a number of traumatic events that have been shown to cause PTSD in children and adolescents. Children and adolescents may be diagnosed with PTSD if they have survived natural and man made disasters such as floods; violent crimes such as kidnapping, rape or murder of a parent, sniper fire, and school shootings; motor vehicle accidents such as automobile and plane crashes; severe burns; exposure to community violence; war; peer suicide; and sexual and physical abuse.

How many children develop PTSD?

A few studies of the general population have been conducted that examine rates of exposure and PTSD in children and adolescents . Results from these studies indicate that 15 to 43% of girls and 14 to 43% of boys have experienced at least one traumatic event in their lifetime. Of those children and adolescents who have experienced a trauma, 3 to 15% of girls and 1 to 6% of boys could be diagnosed with PTSD.

Rates of PTSD are much higher in children and adolescents recruited from at-risk samples. The rates of PTSD in these at-risk children and adolescents vary from 3 to 100%. For example, studies have shown that as many as 100% of children who witness a parental homicide or sexual assault develop PTSD. Similarly, 90% of sexually abused children, 77% of children exposed to a school shooting, and 35% of urban youth exposed to community violence develop PTSD.

What are the risk factors for PTSD?

There are three factors that have been shown to increase the likelihood that children will develop PTSD. These factors include the severity of the traumatic event, the parental reaction to the traumatic event, and the physical proximity to the traumatic event. In general, most studies find that children and adolescents who report experiencing the most severe traumas also report the highest levels of PTSD symptoms. Family support and parental coping have also been shown to affect PTSD symptoms in children. Studies show that children and adolescents with greater family support and less parental distress have lower levels of PTSD symptoms. Finally, children and adolescents who are farther away from the traumatic event report less distress.

There are several other factors that affect the occurrence and severity of PTSD. Research suggests that interpersonal traumas such as rape and assault are more likely to result in PTSD than other types of traumas. Additionally, if an individual has experienced a number of traumatic events in the past, those experiences increase the risk of developing PTSD. In terms of gender, several studies suggest that girls are more likely than boys to develop PTSD. A few studies have examined the connection between ethnicity and PTSD. While some studies find that minorities report higher levels of PTSD symptoms, researchers have shown that this is due to other factors such as differences in levels of exposure. It is not clear how a child's age at the time of exposure to a traumatic event impacts the occurrence or severity of PTSD. While some studies find a relationship, others do not. Differences that do occur may be due to differences in the way PTSD is expressed in children and adolescents of different ages or developmental levels (see next section).

What does PTSD look like in children?

Researchers and clinicians are beginning to recognize that PTSD may not present itself in children the same way it does in adults (see What is PTSD? below). Criteria for PTSD now include age-specific features for some symptoms.

Very young children may present with few PTSD symptoms. This may be because eight of the PTSD symptoms require a verbal description of one's feelings and experiences. Instead, young children may report more generalized fears such as stranger or separation anxiety, avoidance of situations that may or may not be related to the trauma, sleep disturbances, and a preoccupation with words or symbols that may or may not be related to the trauma. These children may also display posttraumatic play in which they repeat themes of the trauma. In addition, children may lose an acquired developmental skill (such as toilet training) as a result of experiencing a traumatic event.

Clinical reports suggest that elementary school-aged children may not experience visual flashbacks or amnesia for aspects of the trauma. However, they do experience "time skew" and "omen formation," which are not typically seen in adults. Time skew refers to a child mis-sequencing trauma related events when recalling the memory. Omen formation is a belief that there were warning signs that predicted the trauma. As a result, children often believe that if they are alert enough, they will recognize warning signs and avoid future traumas. School-aged children also reportedly exhibit posttraumatic play or reenactment of the trauma in play, drawings, or verbalizations. Posttraumatic play is different from reenactment in that posttraumatic play is a literal representation of the trauma, involves compulsively repeating some aspect of the trauma, and does not tend to relieve anxiety. An example of posttraumatic play is an increase in shooting games after exposure to a school shooting. Posttraumatic reenactment, on the other hand, is more flexible and involves behaviorally recreating aspects of the trauma (e.g., carrying a weapon after exposure to violence).

PTSD in adolescents may begin to more closely resemble PTSD in adults. However, there are a few features that have been shown to differ. As discussed above, children may engage in traumatic play following a trauma. Adolescents are more likely to engage in traumatic reenactment, in which they incorporate aspects of the trauma into their daily lives. In addition, adolescents are more likely than younger children or adults to exhibit impulsive and aggressive behaviors.

Besides PTSD, what are the other effects of trauma on children?

Besides PTSD, children and adolescents who have experienced traumatic events often exhibit other types of problems. Perhaps the best information available on the effects of traumas on children comes from a review of the literature on the effects of child sexual abuse. In this review, it was shown that sexually abused children often have problems with fear, anxiety, depression, anger and hostility, aggression, sexually inappropriate behavior, self-destructive behavior, feelings of isolation and stigma, poor self-esteem, difficulty in trusting others, and substance abuse. These problems are often seen in children and adolescents who have experienced other types of traumas as well. Children who have experienced traumas also often have relationship problems with peers and family members, problems with acting out, and problems with school performance.

Along with associated symptoms, there are a number of psychiatric disorders that are commonly found in children and adolescents who have been traumatized. One commonly co-occurring disorder is major depression. Other disorders include substance abuse; other anxiety disorders such as separation anxiety, panic disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder; and externalizing disorders such as attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, and conduct disorder.

How is PTSD treated in children and adolescents?

Although some children show a natural remission in PTSD symptoms over a period of a few months, a significant number of children continue to exhibit symptoms for years if untreated. Few treatment studies have examined which treatments are most effective for children and adolescents. A review of the adult treatment studies of PTSD shows that Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the most effective approach. CBT for children generally includes the child directly discussing the traumatic event (exposure), anxiety management techniques such as relaxation and assertiveness training, and correction of inaccurate or distorted trauma related thoughts. Although there is some controversy regarding exposing children to the events that scare them, exposure-based treatments seem to be most relevant when memories or reminders of the trauma distress the child. Children can be exposed gradually and taught relaxation so that they can learn to relax while recalling their experiences. Through this procedure, they learn that they do not have to be afraid of their memories. CBT also involves challenging children's false beliefs such as, "the world is totally unsafe." The majority of studies have found that it is safe and effective to use CBT for children with PTSD.

CBT is often accompanied by psycho-education and parental involvement. Psycho-education is education about PTSD symptoms and their effects. It is as important for parents and caregivers to understand the effects of PTSD as it is for children. Research shows that the better parents cope with the trauma, and the more they support their children, the better their children will function. Therefore, it is important for parents to seek treatment for themselves in order to develop the necessary coping skills that will help their children.

Several other types of therapy have been suggested for PTSD in children and adolescents. Play therapy can be used to treat young children with PTSD who are not able to deal with the trauma more directly. The therapist uses games, drawings, and other techniques to help the children process their traumatic memories. Psychological first aid has been prescribed for children exposed to community violence and can be used in schools and traditional settings. Psychological first aid involves clarifying trauma related facts, normalizing the children's PTSD reactions, encouraging the expression of feelings, teaching problem solving skills, and referring the most symptomatic children for additional treatment. Twelve Step approaches have been prescribed for adolescents with substance abuse problems and PTSD. Another therapy, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), combines cognitive therapy with directed eye movements. While EMDR has been shown to be effective in treating both children and adults with PTSD, studies indicate that it is the cognitive intervention rather than the eye movements that accounts for the change. Medications have also been prescribed for some children with PTSD. However, due to the lack of research in this area, it is too early to evaluate the effectiveness of medication therapy.

Finally, specialized interventions may be necessary for children exhibiting particularly problematic behaviors or PTSD symptoms. For example, a specialized intervention might be required for inappropriate sexual behavior or extreme behavioral problems.

What can I do to help my child?

Reading this fact sheet is a first step toward helping your child. Gather information on PTSD and pay attention to how your child is functioning. Watch for warning signs such as sleep problems, irritability, avoidance, changes in school performance, and problems with peers. It may be necessary to seek help for your child. Consider having your child evaluated by a mental-health professional who has experience treating PTSD in children and adolescents. Many therapists with this experience are members of the International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies, which has a membership directory containing a geographical listing of therapists who treat children and adolescents. Ask how the therapist typically treats PTSD, and choose a practitioner with whom you and your child feel comfortable. Consider whether you might also benefit from talking to someone individually. The most important thing you can do now is to support your child.

Based in part on the Practice Parameters for the Assessment and Treatment of Children and Adolescents with Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 37:10 supplement, October 1998.

Parenting - coping with stress

2009-11-11T20:32:00.001-08:00

Being a parent brings out a range of powerful emotions from exhilaration to despair. Your feelings of love, happiness and pride may quickly turn to anger, hate or guilt, depending on the situation and the degree of support available to you. These feelings are completely normal. Most parents experience negative emotions from time to time.

It is important to manage feelings like anger and frustration so that you can enjoy parenting and maintain a safe, happy home for your child. It may be helpful to talk to other parents – you’ll soon discover that everyone is experiencing the same rollercoaster of feelings and experiences.

Build a trusting, loving and respectful relationship

The type of relationship you build with your child is what guides them throughout their life. Children learn by following the examples set by adults around them and from their experience of their own relationship with their parents.

To become a person who is able to control themselves, manage their negative feelings in a peaceful way, trust and respect others, and behave with care and compassion, your child will have to experience and see these behaviours.

Physical discipline can injure your child

Some parents believe that physical discipline, such as smacking, is for the child’s own good. Children are dependent on their parents for love and care – they never deserve to be punished by physical discipline.

Young children, such as those less than 12 months of age, don’t have the intellectual maturity to understand discipline of any kind. Hitting or smacking will only frighten a young child or cause serious and permanent injuries. By using physical discipline with your child, you are teaching them that the acceptable way to resolve conflict is by using violence.

Some parents may also lash out at their child when angry or stressed. This is particularly dangerous as parents may not recognise their own strength and can cause their child a lot of pain.

Experiencing negative feelings is normal

Parents can feel tired, ill, stressed and angry and so can children. Children often cannot tell us how they are feeling but instead ‘act out’ their feelings through their behaviours. When parents are under pressure themselves, it is more difficult to take the time to work out what your child is trying to tell you. Parents may often just react to the behaviour.

Most children experience difficult times. Try to remember that these times can be normal phases of growing up and will probably pass. Suggestions on dealing with your child’s unhappy behaviour include:

Ask for support. Remember that ‘it takes a village to bring up a child’, so don’t try to parent on your own.
Take time out from the care of your child. Leave your child with a responsible adult and have a break to catch up on some sleep, go to the hairdresser or talk to a friend.
Seek out like-minded people who will encourage you in your parenting and build your confidence as a person and parent.
Attend a parent group that has the same philosophy and values as you have.

Dealing with frustration and anger

If you feel frustrated and angry to the point where you feel you might lose control, you need to take time out to deal with these feelings.

Some short-term suggestions include:

Put your child in a safe place and leave the room.
Walk around the house or go outside.
Inhale deeply and exhale slowly and steadily.
Count your breaths to focus your concentration.
Be aware of your body language and try to change it so that you are more relaxed.
Recognise how to reduce your frustration and anger and take action:
Play your favourite music – you may need earplugs!
Make yourself a comforting warm drink.
Physical activity – try sprinting from one end of your backyard to the other or punch a pillow.
Call a friend or relative and ask for help.

Managing in the long term

It is important to take care of your own needs and feelings. No matter how loving and selfless, a parent can’t continue to give to their children while receiving little or no emotional nourishment themselves.

Some suggestions include:

Make the time to maintain your relationship with your partner (if you have one), even if all you can manage is dinner alone together once a week.
Reward yourself by scheduling at least one self-indulgent activity every day, such as sitting down in a quiet room to read a book or having coffee with a friend.
Find support from family members, friends or counsellors who are prepared to listen to your problems sympathetically.
Mix with other parents to share stories and swap parenting tips.
Learn about child development, so that you can better understand and anticipate your child’s behaviour.
Recognise and try to attend to underlying problems such as financial stresses, marital difficulties or problems at work, which can impact on your relationship with your child.
Investigate stress management options such as yoga, meditation or regular exercise.
Remember that seeking professional help is the smartest option if some problems are too complex to solve on your own.

Where to get help

Your doctor
Your partner
Family members and friends
Parentline Tel. 132 289
Maternal and Child Health nurse
Your local community health centre
Professionals such as counsellors.

Things to remember

Most parents experience negative emotions from time to time.
It is important to manage frustration and anger so that you can enjoy parenting and maintain a safe, happy home for your child.
Seek professional help if problems are too complex to solve on your own.

This page has been produced in consultation with, and approved by:

Original Article

Plain Talk About...Dealing With the Angry Child

2009-11-11T19:43:00.001-08:00

Handling children's anger can be puzzling, draining, and distressing for adults. In fact, one of the major problems in dealing with anger in children is the angry feelings that are often stirred up in us. It has been said that we as parents, teachers, counselors, and administrators need to remind ourselves that we were not always taught how to deal with anger as a fact of life during our own childhood. We were led to believe that to be angry was to be bad, and we were often made to feel guilty for expressing anger.

It will be easier to deal with children's anger if we get rid of this notion. Our goal is not to repress or destroy angry feelings in children-or in ourselves-but rather to accept the feelings and to help channel and direct them to constructive ends.

Parents and teachers must allow children to feel all their feelings. Adult skills can then be directed toward showing children acceptable ways of expressing their feelings. Strong feelings cannot be denied, and angry outbursts should not always be viewed as a sign of serious problems; they should be recognized and treated with respect.

To respond effectively to overly aggressive behavior in children we need to have some ideas about what may have triggered an outburst. Anger may be a defense to avoid painful feelings; it may be associated with failure, low ' self-esteem, and feelings of isolation; or it may be related to anxiety about situations over which the child has no control.

Angry defiance may also be associated with feelings of dependency, and anger may be associated with sadness and depression. In childhood, anger and sadness are very .close to one another and it is important to remember that much of what an adult experiences as sadness is expressed by a child as anger.

Before we look at specific ways to manage aggressive and angry outbursts, several points should be highlighted:

We should distinguish between anger and aggression. Anger is a temporary emotional state caused by frustration; aggression is often an attempt to hurt a person or to destroy property.
Anger and aggression do not have to be dirty words. In other words, in looking at aggressive behavior in children, we must be careful to distinguish between behavior that indicates emotional problems and behavior that is normal.

In dealing with angry children, our actions should be motivated by the need to protect and to teach, not by a desire to punish. Parents and teachers should show a child that they accept his or her feelings, while suggesting other ways to express the feelings. An adult might say, for example, "Let me tell you what some children would do in a situation like this... It is not enough to tell children what behaviors. we find unacceptable. We must teach them acceptable ways of coping. Also, ways must be found to communicate what we expect of them. Contrary to popular opinion, punishment is not the most effective way to communicate to children what we expect of them.

Responding to the Angry Child

Some of the following suggestions for dealing with the angry child were taken from The Aggressive Child by Fritz Redl and David Wineman. They should be considered helpful ideas and not be seen as a "bag of tricks." Catch the child being good. Tell the child what behaviors please you. Respond to positive efforts and reinforce good behavior. An observing and sensitive parent will find countless opportunities during the day to make such comments as "I like the way you come in for dinner without being reminded"; "I appreciate your hanging up your clothes even though you were in a hurry to get out to play"; "You were really patient while I was on the phone"; "I'm glad you shared your snack with your sister"; "I like the way you're able to think of others"; and "Thank you for telling the truth about what really happened: Similarly, teachers can positively reinforce good behavior with statement like '1 know it was difficult for you to wait your turn, and I'm pleased that you could do it"; 'Thanks for sitting in your seat quietly"; 'You were thoughtful in offering to help Johnny with his spell ing"; 'You worked hard on that project, and I admire your effort?

Deliberately ignore inappropriate behavior that can be tolerated. This doesn't mean that you should ignore the child, just the behavior. The 'ignoring" has to be planned and consistent. Even though this behavior may be tolerated, the child must recognize that it is inappropriate.

Provide physical outlets and other alternatives. It is important for children to have opportunities for physical exer cise and movement, both at home and at school.

Manipulate the surroundings. Aggressive behavior can be encouraged by placing children in tough, tempting situations. We should try to plan the surroundings so that certain things are less apt to happen. Stop a "problem" activity and substitute, temporarily, a more desirable one. Sometimes rules and regulations, as well as physical space, may be too confining.

Use closeness and touching. Move physically closer to the child to curb his or her angry impulse. Young children are often calmed by having an adult nearby.

Express interest in the child's activities. Children naturally try to involve adults in what they are doing, and the adult is often annoyed at being bothered. Very young children (and children who are emotionally deprived) seem to need much more adult involve ment in their interests. A child about to use a toy or tool in a destructive way is sometimes easily stopped by an adult who expresses interest in having it shown to him. An outburst from an older child struggling with a difficult reading selection can be prevented by a caring adult who moves near the child to say, "Show me which words are giving you trouble?

Be ready to show affection. Some times all that is needed for any angry child to regain control is a sudden hug or other impulsive show of affection.

Children with serious emotional problems, however, may have trouble accepting affection. Ease tension through humor. Kid ding the child out of a temper tantrum or outburst offers the child an opportunity to "save face." However, it is important to distinguish between face saving humor and sarcasm or teasing ridicule.

Appeal directly to the child. Tell him or her how you feel and ask for consideration. For example, a parent or a teacher may gain a child's cooperation by saying, "I know that noise you're making doesn't usually bother me, but today I've got a headache, so could you find something else you'd enjoy doing?"

Explain situations. Help the child understand the cause of a stressful situation. We often fail to realize how easily young children can begin to react properly once they understand the cause of their frustration.

Use physical restraint. Occasionally a child may lose control so completely that he has to be physically restrained or removed from the scene to prevent him from hurting himself or others. This may also "save face" for the child. Physical restraint or removal from the scene should not be viewed by the child as punishment but as a means of saying, "You can't do that." In such situations, an adult cannot afford to lose his or her temper, and unfriendly remarks by other children should not be tolerated.

Encourage children to see their strengths as well as their weaknesses. Help them to see that they can reach their goals.

Use promises and rewards. Promises of future pleasure can be used both to start and to stop behavior. This approach should not be compared with bribery. We must know what the child likes-what brings him pleasure-and we must deliver on our promises.

Say "NO!" Limits should be clearly explained and enforced. Children should be free to function within those limits.

Tell the child that you accept his or her angry feelings, but offer other suggestions for expressing them. Teach children to put their angry feelings into words, rather than fists.

Build a positive self-image. Encourage children to see themselves as valued and valuable people.

Use punishment cautiously. There is a fine line between punishment that is hostile toward a child and punishment that is educational.

Model appropriate behavior. Parents and teachers should be aware of the powerful influence of their actions on a child's or group's behavior.

Teach children to express themselves verbally. Talking helps a child have control and thus reduces acting out behavior. Encourage the child to say, for example, 'I don't like your taking my pencil. I don't feel like sharing just now."

The Role of Discipline

Good discipline includes creating an atmosphere of quiet firmness, clarity, and conscientiousness, while using reasoning. Bad discipline involves punishment which is unduly harsh and inappropriate, and it is often associated with verbal ridicule and attacks on the child's integrity.

As one fourth-grade teacher put it: "One of the most important goals we strive for as parents, educators, and mental health professionals is to help children develop respect for themselves and others? While arriving at this goal takes years of patiem practice, it is a vital process in which parents, teachers, and all caring adults can play a crucial and exciting role. In order to accomplish this, we must see children as worthy human beings and be sincere in dealing with them.

Adapted from "The Aggressive Child" by Luleen S. Anderson, Ph.D,, which appeared in Children Today (Jan-Feb 1978) published by the Children's Bureau, ACYF, DHEW.

National Institute of Mental Health 1992

Plain Talk about Spanking

2009-11-11T19:38:00.001-08:00

“As long as the child will be trained not by love, but by fear, so long will humanity live not by justice, but by force. As long as the child will be ruled by the educator’s threat and by the father’s rod, so long will mankind be dominated by the policeman’s club, by fear of jail, and by panic of invasion by armies and navies.”

Boris Sidis, 1919

By JORDAN RIAK

Today, one finds no support for spanking in the scientific literature. This opinion, shared by mental health and child development experts, and other professionals in related fields, has been evolving for many decades and its beginnings can be found centuries ago.

That is not to say there are no advocates for physical punishment of children, as indeed it would be false to claim there are no advocates for physical punishment of wives. Both practices are widespread and people who hit other people usually believe they have valid reasons.

The Lasting Effect on Children

Some researchers claim that every act of violence by an adult toward a child, no matter how brief or how mild, leaves an emotional scar that lasts a lifetime. To some extent we can demonstrate this from personal experience. Most of us must admit that the most vivid and most unpleasant childhood memories are those of being hurt by our parents. Some people find the memory of such events so unpleasant they pretend that they were trivial, even funny. You’ll notice that they smile when they describe what was done to them. It is shame, not pleasure, that makes them smile. As a protection against present pain, they disguise the memory of past feelings.

In an attempt to deny or minimize the dangers of spanking, many spankers have been heard to argue, “Spanking is very different from child abuse,” or “A little smack on the bottom never did anybody any harm.” But they are wrong.

A good comparison to spanking is exposure to chemical compounds containing lead. In earlier generations, most people lived in houses painted with lead based paint, and most survived with no apparent ill effects. Were they smart, or just lucky? Today, we don’t do that anymore. We know better. Likewise, informed parents recognize that spanking children is like exposing them to a dangerous toxin. No good can result and the risk is great.

But some parents will ask, “How can you claim to be a responsible parent if you don’t grab the child who is about to run out into traffic and deliver a good smack so that your warnings about the danger of the street will be remembered?”

In fact, being spanked throws children into a state of powerful emotional confusion making it difficult for them to learn the lessons adults claim they are trying to teach. Delivering a so-called "good smack" neither diminishes the adult’s anger nor improves the child’s behavior. Adults who spank tend to get angrier; spanked children tend to behave worse. And spanking's negative effect on a child can be long-lasting or permanent. It does not teach children that cars and trucks are dangerous. It teaches them that the grownups on whom they depend are dangerous.

Lost Trust

The spanked child is less able to regard the parent as a source of love, protection and comfort which are vital to every child’s healthy development. In the child’s eyes the parent now appears to be the source of danger and pain.

Fear, resentment and mistrust that result from spanking, undermine children’s feelings of attachment to the most important adults in their lives. A child who is thus betrayed, like the child who is denied adequate food, warmth or rest, suffers and fails to mature in the best possible way.

Threats

Some parents rarely spank or don’t spank at all, but are always threatening to do terrible things. “If you don’t keep quiet while I’m on the phone, I’m going to sew your mouth shut with a big needle,” or “Better watch out, or somebody is going to chop your fingers off. That’s what they do to naughty children who are always touching things they shouldn’t.” They find it easy to manage children by these means —at least temporarily.

At first, while children believe adults’ threats, they obey out of fear. But they soon learn to sneak and tell lies in order to evade the terrible punishments they believe are in store for them. Later, as they discover the threats are empty, they conclude (correctly) that the grown-ups they once trusted are in fact not trustworthy.

When trust between children and their closest caretakers is damaged in this way, the children’s ability to form trusting relationships with others is also damaged. This may render them incapable of ever achieving cooperation or intimacy with anyone. People who have been damaged in this way tend to see all relationships as negotiations, as deals to be won or lost. They see innocence, honesty and trustfulness in others as weaknesses to be exploited, exactly as it was once done to them.

Force

Spanking teaches children that human interaction is based on force, that might makes right. The more a child is spanked, the greater is the likelihood that that child will become an adult who deals with others, not by reason and good example, but by force. What kind of person are we describing? The bully is such a person. The rapist is such a person. The wife beater is such a person. The quack, the cheat, the con artist, the crook—each of these is such a person. And so are cowards and hangers-on who derive their power secondhand by clinging to such people as those we’ve just listed.

Spousal Battery and Spanking

In the overwhelming majority of cases, husbands and wives whose relationship includes violence are also violent toward their children. Such parents surely were spanked when they were little and witnessed others being spanked.

Battering and battered spouses who spank their children are raising them to be batterers and victims exactly like themselves. The children learn from their parents’ example that the way to vent frustration, express disapproval and assert authority is by hitting someone smaller and weaker than themselves. They see this principle demonstrated every time they witness their parents fighting, as well as every time they are on the receiving end of violent punishments.

They learn that once they are big enough and strong enough, they can control others by threatening or hurting them. They learn that it is okay for husbands and wives to batter each other and for adults to batter children.

When children, whose personalities have been formed in violent households, grow up and produce children of their own, they find it very difficult to break free from the behaviors they have witnessed and experienced. The skills they apply to family life will be the poor ones they learned from their parents, and they are likely to carry on the cycle of violence through their own innocent children.

As spanking disappears from family life, other forms of domestic violence will also disappear. Not before.

Escalation

Physical injuries and deaths of children caused by their caretakers often are the consequence of physical punishment carried to extremes. Perpetrators of even the most horrendous acts against children typically explain that the child's misbehavior called for punishment, and the outcome was unintended or accidental.

Many of the babies who die annually "falling out of the crib," "falling down the stairs" or because they "just stopped breathing for no reason" would be added to the statistic of non-accidental deaths if the truth were known. Sometimes the victim is blamed for his own misfortune, e.g, the child "bruises easily," "is accident prone" or "refused to stand still while being punished, and that's why the belt buckle caught his lip."

Spankers are often heard reciting the soothing catchphrase about never spanking in anger. This bogus claim belies what typically motivates people who hit children: anger. Many spankers are habituated to the act because it provides an instant outlet for feelings of frustration and anger -- not because they've found it an effective way to improve a child's behavior. Because anger, by its very nature, tends to escalate as it is indulged, there is no safe way to hit a child.

Sexual Molestation and Spanking

Spanked children don’t regard their bodies as being their own personal property. Spanking trains them to accept the idea that adults have absolute authority over their bodies, including the right to inflict pain. And being hit on the buttocks teaches them that even their sexual areas are subject to the will of adults. The child who submits to a spanking on Monday is not likely to say “No” to a molester on Tuesday. People who sexually molest or exploit children know this. They stalk potential victims among children who have been taught to “obey or else” because such children are the easiest targets.

Spanking the Buttocks and Sexual Development

Spanking of the buttocks can stimulate immature sexual feelings in some children. They have no control over those feelings, nor do they understand what is happening to them. The tragic consequence for some of these children is that they form a connection between pain, humiliation and sexual arousal that endures for the rest of their lives. Even though they may marry, raise families, hold responsible positions in the community and show no signs of emotional disturbance, they may be secretly and shamefully tormented by a need which, in some cases, compels them to hire prostitutes whom they spank or from whom they receive spankings. The pornography industry does a thriving business catering to the needs of these unfortunate individuals.

Medical science has long recognized and documented in great detail the link between buttocks-beating in childhood and the later development of unnatural sexual desires and behaviors. This should be reason enough never to spank a child.

Physical Danger of Hitting the Buttocks

Located deep in the buttocks is the sciatic nerve, the largest nerve in the body. A severe blow to the buttocks, particularly with an instrument such as a piece of wood, could cause bleeding in the muscles that surround that nerve, possibly injuring it and causing impairment to the involved leg.

The very delicate tail bone at the base of spine is also susceptible to injury when a child is hit there. And when children are required to bend over for beatings, their sex organs may be injured. Dislocation of the tail bone and bruising the sex organs as a result of violent punishments are frequently reported by hospital authorities.

Some people, in their attempt to justify battering children’s buttocks, claim that God or nature intended that part of the anatomy for spanking. That claim is nonsense. No part of the human body was made to be violated.

Physical Danger of Hitting the Hands

The child’s hand is particularly vulnerable because its ligaments, nerves, tendons and blood vessels are close to the skin which has no underlying protective tissue. Striking the hands of younger children is especially dangerous to the growth plates in the bones which, if damaged, can cause deformity or impaired function. Striking a child’s hand can also cause fractures, dislocations and lead to premature osteoarthritis.

Shaking

Being shaken can cause a child blindness, whiplash, brain damage and even death.

Spanking at Home, Performance in School

Most teachers will tell you that the children who exhibit the most serious behavior problems at school are the ones who are the most mistreated at home. Children who are spanked at home have been conditioned to expect the same kind of management by authority figures outside the home. For many of these children, the battle zone which is their home life extends to school life. This sets them up for academic failure, dropout, clashes with juvenile authorities and eventually perhaps with the criminal justice system.

In their attempt to erect a shield against what they see as a comfortless, hostile world, these children naturally seek the company of other children with similar problems. “My parents and teachers don’t understand me—my friends do,” they say. And they have good reason to believe that. This is one reason street gangs evolve and why they are especially attractive to children whose self-esteem has been ruined by spanking, whupping, paddling, switching, humiliation, insults, threats, relentless criticism, unreasonable restrictions and physical and emotional neglect.

We should not be surprised that many youngsters reject the adult world to the degree they believe it has rejected them. Nor should we be surprised that adolescents, who throughout childhood have borne the brunt of violence, will utilize violence as soon as they are able. As it often turns out, the aggressiveness that many young people cultivate, believing it is essential to their survival, propels them toward failure or catastrophe. Our crowded prisons are proof of this.

Some teachers work tirelessly to redirect the aggressiveness which violence-ridden children have far too much of and instill trust which violence-ridden children have far too little of. But that is a monumental task requiring specialized skills and a level of dedication which not all teachers possess or can maintain for extended periods. It requires extraordinary resources unavailable to the public school systems.

School dropout and juvenile delinquency would cease to be major problems wracking our nation if only it were possible to persuade parents and other caretakers to stop socializing children in ways guaranteed to make them antisocial and/or self-destructive. In other words, to stop the spanking and start the nurturing.

Spanking, Smoking, Drinking and Drugs

To be spanked is a degrading, humiliating experience. The spanked child absorbs not only the blows, but the message they convey: “You’re worthless. I reject you!” That message powerfully influences the child’s developing personality. It instills self-hatred.

Sooner or later every child is exposed to substances that promise instant relief from feelings of worthlessness and rejection. Everywhere people can be seen putting things into their bodies to make themselves feel good. It is difficult to convince a child who is suffering that such relief is an illusion, that one cannot rebuild damaged self-esteem by means of something swallowed, inhaled or injected, but can easily bury it deeper under the weight of new problems.

Spanking and Criminal Behavior

Everyone is familiar with the list of social maladies believed to be at the root of violent criminal behavior: poverty, discrimination, family breakdown, narcotics, gangs and easy access to deadly weapons. And it’s clear that every item in the above list contributes to violence and crime. However, one key ingredient is rarely acknowledged—spanking.

In 1940, researchers Sheldon and Eleanor Glueck began their famous study of delinquent and nondelinquent boys. They discovered how certain early childhood influences cause children to develop antisocial, violent behaviors. They showed that the first signs of delinquency often appear as early as three—long before children come into contact with influences outside the home. The Gluecks showed that parents who fail to manage their children calmly, gently and patiently, but instead rely on physical punishment, tend to produce aggressive, assaultive children. The more severe and the earlier the mistreatment, the worse the outcome.

The Gluecks also found that the lowest incidence of antisocial behavior is always associated with children who are reared from infancy in attentive, supportive, nonviolent, non-spanking families.

The message here for all parents who want their children never to see the inside of a jail or prison is a simple one: guide gently and patiently—never hit.

Spanking, Racism and Collective Hatreds

Spanking fills children with anger and the urge to retaliate. But this urge is almost never directly acted upon. Even the most severely spanked children, as a general rule, will not strike back at those who have hurt them. Instead, they are likely to seek relief in fantasy where they can safely vent their anger against make-believe adversaries. Sometimes younger brothers or sisters or family pets serve this purpose. Popular entertainment also caters to this need.

As children grow and come under the influence of the prejudices of their community, their anger can be easily channeled toward approved scapegoats. Hate cults and extremist political factions beckon to them with open arms, offering an opportunity to convert fantasy into reality. In every generation, more than a few seize that offer. Their behaviors constitute the worst fallout of the spanking tradition.

Spanking at School

Throughout the developed world spanking by teachers has almost disappeared. It is illegal in every European country and many developing countries. (In Austria, Croatia, Cyprus, Denmark, Finland, Germany, Israel, Italy, Latvia, Norway and Sweden no one, including a parent, may legally spank any child in any circumstance.) Among the major, developed industrial nations, the U.S. is the most resistant to reform in this regard. But gradually more states are banning school corporal punishment and in the states that allow it a growing number of school districts are wisely forbidding the practice.

Still, there remain many uninformed teachers and school administrators who, like many uninformed parents, persist in believing that it is okay to manage pupils by means of physical violence or the threat of it. What should enlightened, responsible parents do?

If you knew that a school bus had bald tires and faulty brakes, you would not let your child ride that bus and you would demand that your school authorities correct the problem immediately. If you knew that the air ducts in your school were contaminated with asbestos, you’d remove your child immediately and alert other parents to the danger.

Corporal punishment is no different. It is very dangerous and all sensible people in the community should immediately unite in opposition to it.

As a parent you have a right and an obligation to protect your child from known danger. Inform your local, regional and state education authorities that no one has your permission, nor the moral right, to endanger your child at school.

Spanking and Brain Development

In early childhood, the brain develops faster than any other organ in the body. By age 5, the brain reaches about 90 percent of its adult weight, and by 7, it is fully grown. This makes early childhood a very sensitive and critical period in brain development.

Stress associated with pain and fear caused by spanking can negatively affect the development and function of a child’s brain. It is precisely during this period of great plasticity and vulnerability that many children are subjected to physical punishment. The effect can be a derailing of natural, healthy brain growth resulting in life-long and irreversible abnormalities.

According to researcher Dr. Martin Teicher of McLean Hospital, Belmont, Massachusetts, “We know that an animal exposed to stress and neglect in early life develops a brain that is wired to experience fear, anxiety and stress. We think the same is true of people,” (“Child Abuse Changes the Developing Brain,” Yahoo! News, Dec. 29, 2000).

In Teicher’s article, “The Neurobiology of Child Abuse,” Scientific American, March 2002, he wrote, “New brain imaging surveys and other experiments have shown that child abuse can cause permanent damage to the neural structure and function of the developing brain itself. This grim result suggests that much more effort must be made to prevent childhood abuse and neglect before it does irrevocable harm to millions of young victims (p. 70)... Society reaps what it sows in the way it nurtures children (p. 75).”

No responsible parent would deliberately jeopardize a child’s normal brain development, yet that is precisely what spankers unwittingly do.

WHAT THE EXPERTS SAY

“Any form of corporal punishment or ‘spanking’ is a violent attack upon another human being’s integrity. The effect remains with the victim forever and becomes an unforgiving part of his or her personality — a massive frustration resulting in a hostility which will seek expression in later life in violent acts towards others. The sooner we understand that love and gentleness are the only kinds of called-for behavior towards children, the better. The child, especially, learns to become the kind of human being that he or she has experienced. This should be fully understood by all caregivers.”
Ashley Montagu, Anthropologist

“Corporal punishment of children actually interferes with the process of learning and with their optimal development as socially responsible adults. We feel it is important for public health workers, teachers and others concerned for the emotional and physical health of children and youth to support the adoption of alternative methods for the achievement of self-control and responsible behavior in children and adolescents.”
Dr. Daniel F. Whiteside, Assistant Surgeon General, Department of Health & Human Services (Administration of President Ronald Reagan)

“Punitive measures whether administered by police, teachers, spouses or parents have well-known standard effects: (1) escape—education has its own name for that: truancy, (2) counterattack—vandalism on schools and attacks on teachers, (3) apathy—a sullen do-nothing withdrawal. The more violent the punishment, the more serious the by-products.”
B. F. Skinner, Ph.D., author, Professor of Psychology, Harvard

“Corporal punishment trains children to accept and tolerate aggression. It always figures prominently in the roots of adolescent and adult aggressiveness, especially in those manifestations that take an antisocial form such as delinquency and criminality.”
Philip Greven, Professor of History, Rutgers University

“I have always been an advocate for the total abolition of corporal punishment and I believe the connection with pornography that is so oriented has its roots in our tradition of beating children.”
Gordon Moyes, D. D., Pastor, Uniting Church, Superintendent of the Wesley Central Mission, Sydney, Australia

“The much-touted ‘religious argument’ to support corporal punishment is built upon a few isolated quotes from the Book of Proverbs. Using the same kind of selective reading, one could just as easily cite the Bible as an authority for the practice of slavery, the rigid suppression of women, polygamy, incest and infanticide. It seems to me that the brutal and vindictive practice of corporal punishment cannot be reconciled with the major themes of the New Testament which teach love and forgiveness and a respect for the beauty and dignity of children, and which overwhelmingly reject violence and retribution as a means of solving human conflicts.”
Thomas E. Sagendorf, United Methodist Pastor, Toledo, Ohio

“The development of self-control, which we call conscience, results from the appropriate interaction of children with their caretakers. Children’s experience of love and respect promotes the development of conscience, whereas the experience of fear or pain, as results from spanking and paddling, interferes with this development. Physical punishment of children must end if our society is going to become one that is governed by conscience and self-control rather than be governed by their opposites.”
H. Patrick Stern, M.D., Asst. Prof. of Pediatrics, Psychiatry and Behavioral Pediatrics, University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences.

“Infliction of pain or discomfort, however minor, is not a desirable method of communicating with children.”
American Medical Association, House of Delegates, 1985

"Slavish discipline makes a slavish temper... Beating them, and all other sorts of slavish and corporal punishments, are not the discipline fit to be used in the education of those we would have wise, good, and ingenuous men."
John Locke, 1632-1704, "Some Thoughts Concerning Education," 1692

“Chide not the pupil hastily, for that will both dull his wit and discourage his diligence, but [ad]monish him gently, which shall make him both willing to amend and glad to go forward in love and hope of learning... Let the master say, ‘Here ye do well.’ For I assure you there is no such whetstone to sharpen a good wit and encourage a love of learning as his praise... In mine opinion, love is fitter than fear, gentleness better than beating, to bring up a child rightly in learning.”
Roger Ascham, (Tutor to Queen Elizabeth I), The Schoolmaster, England, published circa 1568

“Children ought to be led to honorable practices by means of encouragement and reasoning, and most certainly not by blows and ill treatment.”
Plutarch, circa 46-120 A.D., “The Education of Children,” Vol. I, Moralia, Ancient Greece

“It is a disgusting and slavish treatment... When children are beaten, pain or fear frequently have the result of which it is not pleasant to speak and which are likely subsequently to be a source of shame, shame which unnerves and depresses the mind and leads the child to shun the light of day and loathe the light... I will spend no longer time on this matter. We know enough about it already.”
Quintilian, circa 35-95 A.D., Institutes of Oratory, Ancient Rome

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Q: What do virtually all juvenile delinquents have in common?
A: They have been raised by spankers.

Q: What was a common feature of the childhoods of Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Saddam Hussein and Charles Manson?
A: Each one was relentlessly, severely, physically punished as a child.

Q: What do prisoners on death row all have in common?
A: Plenty of spankings during childhood.

Q: What do rapists, arsonists, terrorists, torturers, serial killers, mass murderers, suicide bombers, kidnappers, snipers, assassins, muggers, product tamperers, vandals, spouse batterers and stalkers have in common?
A: Violent upbringing.

Q: Which child is destined never to join the company of felons?
A: One who is raised in a nurturing, attentive, supportive, non-spanking family.

Q: To turn a friendly puppy into a vicious guard dog, what must you do to it?
A: Restrict its movement and beat it often.

HOW YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE

There are people in your community who have never heard the ideas expressed in this publication. It’s time they heard, don’t you agree?

You can help plant the seeds of a more caring, more cooperative and less violent next generation by sharing this information with others—with friends, co-professionals, neighbors, relatives, the parents of your children’s friends, community leaders, religious leaders, your children’s teachers, local and state education authorities and your representatives in government. We believe everyone should hear this message.

We know that some people in your community will reject our conclusions about the dangers of spanking. Some people will refuse to think about it or may even become annoyed or hostile because this information makes them feel extremely uncomfortable. That doesn’t discourage us. It shouldn’t discourage you. There are others who want to know why the old familiar method of socializing children works so poorly.

Also, there are those who already are raising their children without violence but who need to be reassured that they are doing the right thing. Your role is to reach out to those people and to let them know what you know about this matter. Put a copy of Plain Talk... in their hands. And tell them about our Web site, “Project NoSpank” at www.nospank.net where they can learn the 1001 reasons to refrain from spanking.

We are confident that some day soon civilized humanity will look back with astonishment and pity at the time when people believed hitting children was good for them.

RESOURCES AND FURTHER READING

Jane Bluestein. Creating Emotionally Safe Schools: A Guide for Educators and Parents. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications, Inc., 2001

Alan DeWitt Button. The Authentic Child. New York: Random House, 1969.

Susan Forward. Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life. New York: Bantam Books, 1989.

Ian Gibson. The English Vice. London: Duckworth, 1978.

James Gilligan. Violence: Reflections on a National Epidemic. New York: G.P. Putnam's Sons, 1996.

Thomas Gordon. Teaching Children Self-Discipline At Home and At School. New York: Ramdom House, 1989. [PTAVE strongly recommends Thomas Gordon’s Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.) and Teacher Effectiveness Training (T.E.T.)]

Philip Greven. Spare the Child: The Religious Roots of Punishment and the Psychological Impact of Physical Abuse. New York: Random House, 1991.

Mitch Hall. The Plague of Violence: a preventable epidemic. Checkmate Press, www.CheckmateNow.org, 2002.

Irwin A. Hyman. Reading, Writing and the Hickory Stick: The Appalling Story of Physicaland Psychological Violence in American Schools. Boston: Lexington Books, 1990.

__________, Case Against Spanking: How to Stop Hitting and Start Raising Healthy Kids. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass Inc., 1997.

Irwin A. Hyman and Pamela A. Snook. Dangerous Schools: What We Can Do About the Physical and Emotional Abuse of Our Children. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass Publishers, 1999

Dorothy Otnow Lewis. Guilty by Reason of Insanity - A Psychiatrist Explores the Minds of Killers. New York: The Ballantine Publishing Group, 1998.

Mike A. Males. The Scapegoat Generation: America's War on Adolescents. Monroe, Maine: Common Courage Press, 1996.

Michael J. Marshall. Why Spanking Doesn’t Work. Springville, Utah: Bonneville Books, 2002.

Alice Miller. The Truth Will Set You Free: Overcoming Emotional Blindness and Finding Your True Adult Self. New York: Basic Books, 2001.

____________For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child Rearing and the Roots of Violence. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1983. [PTAVE strongly recommends all Alice Miller’s works.]

Eli H. Newberger. The Men They Will Become: The Nature and Nurture of Male Character. Cambridge: Perseus Publishing, 1999.

Jane & James Ritchie. Spare the Rod. Sydney: George Allen & Unwin, 1981.

Murray A. Straus. Beating the Devil out of Them: Corporal Punishment in American Families. New York: Free Press, 1994.

Teresa Whitehurst. How Would Jesus Raise a Child? Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2003.

Felicity de Zulueta. From Pain to Violence: The Traumatic Roots of Destructiveness. London: Jason Aronson, Inc., 1994

Plain Talk about Spanking was published in 1992 and last revised in February 2003. Copyright is waived and it may be printed from this Web page: www.nospank.net/ptas.pdf. It is also available as a 12-page booklet from Parents and Teachers Against Violence in Education (PTAVE), P.O. Box 1033, Alamo, CA 94507. E-mail inquiries to riak@nospank.net or call (925) 831-1661.

CUSTODY CASES Protecting Children from Sexual Abuse

2009-11-11T19:33:00.001-08:00

Why Aren't the Children Protected?

By Arlaine Rockey, Attorney at Law [1]

When allegations of child sexual abuse arise during a custody case, unfortunately, the professionals who are involved often look first to question the motives and veracity of the protective parent rather than to what they can do to protect the child. Most people think that making allegations of sexual abuse is a sure way for the protective parent to win the custody case. Nothing could be further from the truth.

There is a backlash in full force in our legal system against protective parents. "Protective parents" are those acting to protect their children from abuse, be it physical or sexual. Protective parents are, much more often than not, mothers. The Fathers Rights Movement has been built on the myth that evil mothers have lodged false allegations of sexual or physical abuse or domestic violence against millions of fathers just to deprive and alienate them from their children.

All states have laws that make it mandatory that people who suspect child abuse or neglect must report it to Child Protective Services (CPS). CPS then must investigate. If there is a custody case ongoing, it is customary for CPS to be highly skeptical of sexual abuse allegations. Perhaps worried about being pawns, CPS generally just doesn't want to get involved. This aversion, unless there is clear medical evidence of or the child's clear disclosure of sexual abuse, often manifests itself in the allegations being unsubstantiated, which makes the CPS investigator a nice witness for the abuser.

Thousands, if not millions, of dollars have been paid to psychologists all over this country who perform court-ordered custody evaluations that label protective parents, sometimes slyly using the key words without the title, as perpetrators of Richard Gardner's bogus Parental Alienation Syndrome ("PAS"), and who even misdiagnose them with real mental problems like Borderline Personality Disorder or Munchausen's Syndrome. These custody evaluations, and their recommendations, are used to force protective parents into unfavorable custody settlements or to fully divest them of custody, doing the unthinkable, giving custody to the abuser.

Misled or desperate protective parents too often consent to the court appointment of a Guardian ad litem (""GAL""), often an attorney, for the children. It sounds like a great idea. Give the children their own attorney who will investigate the case and advocate for the children's best interests. However, all too frequently these attorneys, often well-meaning volunteers, are not experienced in handling cases involving abuse or domestic violence. When faced with abusers who are well-spoken and financially secure wearers of suits and ties, GALs, much like judges, find it hard to believe that these professionals could possibly be abusers. Too many mothers in their desperation to protect their children act a little crazy. They generally make a lot less money than their ex-husbands, which also apparently means they offer less security for their children. If the GALs do not believe the abuse allegations, these protective parents are at risk of having the GAL recommend that the fathers get custody. Like the custody evaluations, GAL recommendations also are used to force protective parents into unfavorable custody settlements or to fully divest them of custody, again, doing the unthinkable, giving custody to the abuser.

This reality sounds unbelievable, even crazy, but it is happening all over this country. Why is it happening? Some people swear that judges and lawyers are being paid under the table to take children from protective parents. Others say that federal child support enforcement money, used in part to give legal advice to fathers, is being misused to influence and possibly pay lawyers and judges, maybe even psychologists, who help fathers win custody. Perhaps the reason is a lack of training of judges, lawyers, GALs, psychologists, and Child Protective Services workers about how to investigate sexual abuse allegations and about the characteristics of the abused and the abusers. Maybe it is because sexual abuse is so despicable, that people just do not want to believe it really happens. Whatever the reasons, protective parents fighting to protect their children now are stuck with this reality, and the best thing they can do is try to find an attorney highly experienced with these issues and navigate the minefield.

Navigating the Minefield[2]

As a protective parent, I tell my clients that you cannot afford to risk more problems by being an activist to change the world during your case. After your case is over, there will be plenty of time to do the important work of organizing coalitions, seeking publicity about damaging judges and unjust outcomes, and trying to change the law and the reality. Right now, while seeking a support group is a good idea, you need to focus on what you can do to maximize the chances for success in your custody case.

Custody cases involving sexual abuse allegations become very expensive. Although there is a chance, if you prevail in your custody case, that the opposing party might be ordered to pay or reimburse your attorney's fees, generally you are going to have to advance your litigation costs, and possibly risk having to pay attorney's fees to the opposing party should you lose. Not only do you have to pay for an attorney, unless you are lucky enough to find a legal aid attorney to take your case, you also will have to pay for other costs such as expert witnesses, psychological evaluations, copies of medical records, and depositions. Underlying everything suggested in this article is the supposition that you can find the money to pay all litigation costs either yourself or through your family, friends, credit cards or loans.

Your goal is to protect your child or children[3] from being sexually abused. In a custody case, this translates into the abuser hopefully at least getting supervised visitation if not therapeutic visitation or none at all for a while. The sooner you can get a court order limiting the abusers access to the child the better. Most states have laws allowing the Court to enter an emergency temporary custody order to protect the child from abuse, and also there is usually the option to apply for a domestic violence temporary restraining order to protect the child from sexual abuse. Deciding which immediate option to use should be discussed, as with all the other possibilities mentioned in this article, with your attorney. It is best to go to Court as soon as possible for a temporary order either stopping visitation or making it supervised until the sexual abuse allegations can be investigated by CPS, doctors, and a forensic psychologist.

Chronological History

To prepare for your case you should create a detailed chronological history of all of the things that have occurred that might be evidence of sexual abuse to give to your attorney.[4] This history should include anything that might be relevant to the possible sexual abuse, such as:

Sexual acting out with a sibling or another child or adult
Use of a toy or object in a sexual manner
Repeated irritation around private parts
Disclosures (child telling you or someone else about the abuse)
Venereal disease, yeast infections, urinary tract infections
Dates of visits or time spent alone, including at night, with the alleged abuser
Complaints of pain urinating or using bathroom
Enuresis or encopresis after being potty trained
Self-mutilation (cutting, hair pulling etc.)
Discharge from vagina or in underwear
Blood or tears around vagina or anus
Night terrors
Saying or doing things that show a more advanced knowledge of sex
Masturbation (although most masturbating in children is normal behavior)
Abuser shows child favoritism, gives child gifts

Also write down other relevant information such as:

List of all people who have access to the child (possible abusers)
List of all witnesses who might have heard or have seen the child say or do something unusual, and all caretakers, with their names, addresses and telephone numbers

Make chronological history of any physical abuse of child, siblings, or yourself from abuser.

Write about abuser's history, including any history of being abused, of any other people in his family who were abused or abusers, any criminal record, history of alcohol or drug abuse, names and addresses of his former wives or girlfriends.
Use of child pornography by the abuser

Document, Document, Document

Throughout your case, you need to document, document, document. Take photos of any injuries and of anything else you can document, for example, the child dressed by abuser in provocative, or age-inappropriate clothing.

Keep all physical evidence, which is anything you can touch, such as soiled underwear (put it in a zip lock bag), objects child has used sexually, provocative or nude photographs that the abuser has taken of the child, pictures the child has drawn that seem sexual, and stories or letters the child has written that are relevant.[5] Request all medical records from your child's pediatrician and hospitalizations if any visits had any relevance. Get complete copies of your child's school files to see if there is anything helpful in there. After consulting with your attorney about the legality in your state, tape conversations between you and the abuser, particularly during the exchange of the child for visitations and phone calls. If legal in your state, and generally it is not legal, tape conversations between the abuser and your child. You can also discuss with your attorney secretly videotaping some of your child's sexual acting out behaviors. Communicate with the abuser during the pendency of the case in writing as much as possible (email is a great alternative) so that you can use it in evidence at trial. You also should confide in at least one, preferably two friends, not just family members, about the things that are going on as they happen, soon after they happen, when you are upset about things because later these people will be able to testify and corroborate what you said happened and because there is a hearsay exception for excited utterances that will allow them to testify to what you told them.

Doctors & Therapists

Take your child to the doctor if there is any complaint from your child about pain in the private parts or some other evidence of sexual abuse, such as sperm or a discharge in the child's underwear, or if the child tells you something that makes you think that the child has been sexually abused. It is critical that you take your child to a doctor or a therapist soon after the child tells you or another person anything about the sexual abuse so that you (or the other person) will later be able to testify to what the child said at trial. Remember, if there is physical evidence on the child, not to bathe the child first and to take any relevant clothing in a zip lock to show the doctor. It is far better to take your child to the emergency room of your city's public hospital right away than the child's pediatrician. Most emergency rooms have doctors who are trained to handle sexual abuse examinations and most ER rooms have special social workers who will make the call to CPS to report it, which looks better than the report coming from you, especially if you are in an ongoing custody case. When you go to the doctor, be sure to tell the doctor everything the child told you. You can afterwards take your child to her/his pediatrician for a follow-up and to let the pediatrician know what has been happening. Again tell the pediatrician what your child told you. These statements will be written in the doctor's and hospital records and can later be used as evidence as there is a hearsay exception for statements in aid of treatment. The child's statements that prompted you to take the child to the ER or doctor also can come into evidence under this same hearsay exception. It is impossible to get the child's statements into evidence without a hearsay exception. It is also a good idea to put your child in therapy or to encourage your child to speak with the school counselor so that there are other third parties who can later testify to what the child has said.

How You Play the Game

Most people think that only things that occurred prior to the custody case being filed are important in the final custody decision, but that is mistaken. Custody cases can easily last for a year or more. What happens and how you conduct yourself during the pendency of the court case is very important to the outcome. I tell my clients that their case is like a chess game, and it really matters how you play the game. You need to be on guard throughout the pendency of the case. It should go without saying that you need to make sure that you are squeaky clean because you never know if there is a private investigator watching you or whether you might have bad luck and get caught driving drunk or smoking pot. You also should not have persons of the opposite sex who are not related to you spend the night or live with you if at all possible. If your child or children are sexually acting out, you should clearly tell them that that behavior is not acceptable and then redirect them. You can talk with your child's therapist as to how to handle this situation without shaming your child and about teaching your child about boundaries, but to avoid being criticized at trial, you need to clearly tell your children that the sexually acting out behavior is inappropriate. You also need to make sure your children are supervised closely and do not allow them to sleep in the same room together. You want to avoid giving the abuser opportunities to turn the tables and focus the case on you instead of him.

Combating Allegations of Parental Alienation (PAS)

A very important piece and one of the most difficult things for protective parents to do is to allow the child to go to visits with the abuser during the pendency of the case, especially if the abuser has been granted unsupervised visitation pending the trial. However, it is absolutely critical to follow the Court's Orders. If you withhold visitation and are found in contempt of court, you could risk losing custody of your child to the abuser. It is equally important to appear to encourage your child's relationship with the abuser during the pendency of the case because if you do not, it will be used against you. One of the biggest factors in custody cases is that judges want to give custody to the parent who will encourage the child's relationship with the other parent. Obviously, this sounds crazy when you are convinced that the other parent is sexually abusing your child, but you have to be ever mindful of it and actually do things that will prove that you have encouraged the child's relationship with the other parent, despite what you believe. When a protective parent talks badly about the abusive parent, allows others to do so, or does other things to make the child fear or hate the abuser, then the protective parent is in danger of being labeled as having alienated the child from the other parent. Of course, one of the most critical factors in proving parental alienation is that the child actually has expressed or otherwise exhibited hatred or fear of the abusive parent. These cases can make a protective parent a bit crazy because it should be perfectly normal for a sexually abused child to fear or hate the abuser, but it is more likely that the child actually loves the abusive parent.[6] Moreover, if evidence of alienation is shown in the custody (psychological) evaluation or any other evidence (including the abuser's own testimony) at trial, it will be used against the protective parent and could work to give the abuser custody of the child. It sounds crazy to do nice things for the abuser, but it will help you in your case and fend off any attempt by him to say you have alienated the child from him.

Here are some ways to create evidence that you are NOT alienating your child from the abuser. With all of these, you need to take photographs of the items or make copies of them to keep for evidence:

Have the child make gifts and/or cards for the abuser (birthday & all holidays)
Make sure the child calls the abuser at least every other evening, preferably from a cell phone so you will have a record of the telephone number called
In writing (email is fine) inform the abuser in advance of all regular doctor and dental appointments, and teacher's conferences, and invite him to attend (unless you have a domestic violence restraining order against him), and if he does not attend, send him an email letting him know what happened and what the doctor said or recommended
Make copies of all school report cards, progress reports, notes from teachers, and examples of the child's school work and send these to the abuser with a cover letter saying please find X enclosed. Keep copies of your letters and keep the originals or copies of the things you have sent.
Send the abuser school pictures, even a few extra for his family, again with a cover letter, and keep a copy for yourself.
Be polite and professional in all your communications with the abuser. Remember, everything you say can and will be used against you. He is probably taping your every call.

Cooperate with Child Protective Services

You have to cooperate with CPS in their investigation. If you do not cooperate, you risk CPS turning on you and perhaps charging you with neglect for failure to protect your child. Your attorney should give CPS information that might tend to prove that the sexual abuse has occurred, but do not count on CPS substantiating the sexual abuse. It is best that your attorney try to stay on speaking terms with the CPS investigator(s) because CPS has absolutely no duty to tell anyone what is going on in the investigation and really should not tell anyone what is going on in it, but sometimes CPS will discuss the investigation, most likely with the protective parent and that parent's attorney. It is more likely that CPS will say that the sexual abuse did not occur or that it cannot say whether or not it occurred. Sometimes unsubstantiation happens when there is no direct statement (""disclosure"") by the child saying that the abuser sexually abused the child (for example, touched the child inappropriately or had sexual relations with the child) or no medical evidence. Even if CPS unsubstantiates, the CPS records and investigators still can be helpful to prove that the sexual abuse actually occurred. It may be that both sides call CPS as a witness at trial. Your attorney can turn the CPS witness around to help prove some of the little pieces of the puzzle even if CPS unsubstantiates.

Domestic Violence

It is not unusual for sexual abuse to occur in the context of a battering relationship where the abuser might sexually and even physically abuse the child and also physically and sometimes sexually abuse the mother, who is the protective parent in the custody case. Depending on how long the domestic violence, which I am defining as physical abuse by the abuser against the mother, has been happening, it might have been more difficult for the protective parent to get away from the relationship in order to protect herself and the child. Domestic violence in the context of a child custody case is a complicated topic for another discussion, but suffice it to say that you can also obtain a domestic violence protection or restraining order to protect yourself and the child from the abuse, and that most custody laws now include at least as a factor that the Court should also consider evidence of domestic violence. Some states have a presumption that a perpetrator of domestic violence should not get custody. In trying to get supervised visitation for the abuser in your custody case, sometimes it is easier to prove domestic violence and its effects on the children or physical abuse of the children rather than sexual abuse of the child. So, your attorney needs to attack the case from all angles to achieve the goal of supervised visitation for the abuser.

The Guardian ad Litem

I'm a child advocate, but my advice to you is not to ask for or agree to the appointment of a Guardian ad Litem ("GAL") to represent your child in the custody case. The basic reason for this advice is that a GAL just creates one more variable that you cannot control in your case. My other main reason is that all too often GALs, besides usually not having training in sexual abuse cases, also seem to gravitate toward the parent who appears more stable financially and emotionally ... and in a sexual abuse custody case, that usually turns out to be the abuser. Furthermore, for the case to be settled, the GAL will also have to agree to the settlement. So, if you can avoid having a GAL, do so.

If you end up with a GAL anyway, then you have to cooperate with the GAL and provide information to the GAL. My best suggestion is to treat the GAL the way you would treat a CPS investigator, with caution. Your attorney and you are going to have to keep on the GAL's good side because, just as with recommendations from a custody evaluation, the GAL's recommendations are going to carry a lot of weight with the judge. Your attorney should try to get the GAL's recommendations in writing so that the GAL has to commit to them and so your attorney has advance warning of them. Once the GAL's recommendations come down, you and your attorney need to consider settling the case before trial. Yet, you don't have to roll over if the settlement is not going to protect your child. On the bright side, you might want to consider that even if the GAL's recommendations are not favorable to your position, you can look at them as the worst case scenario for an outcome in the case and negotiate from there.

If you cannot reach a favorable settlement at that juncture, your attorney may be in the unenviable position of fighting against the GAL's recommendations at trial or of trying to win over the GAL. Neither is easy to do. You can actually depose the GAL and call the GAL as a witness at trial, but you are going to need a very experienced custody attorney to be successful, mostly because the Court looks at the GAL as a neutral person with no preconceived biases, and your attorney is going to have to show that the GAL is basically either inept or biased.

The Custody Evaluation

One of the most common tactics in complex custody cases is to ask the Court to appoint a forensic psychologist to perform a custody evaluation, which will supposedly answer some questions and then give recommendations as to what custody and visitation arrangement would be in the children's best interests. Quite often judges rubberstamp the custody evaluation recommendations; so, custody evaluations are muy importante and should be requested and consented to only with extreme caution. Choosing the psychologist is critical. Find a psychologist, preferably three because you will have to negotiate which one to choose, who has experience in sexual abuse, either in evaluation and treatment of victims or perpetrators. You also should investigate to make sure the potential psychologists are not aligned with the Father's Rights Movement. It makes more sense in a sexual abuse case, to have a psychological evaluation done of the child / victim by an expert in child sexual abuse, instead of a regular custody evaluation of everyone; however, if you cannot obtain the former, you need to try your best to get a sexual abuse expert to do the custody evaluation.

Before the Order appointing the custody evaluator is entered, your attorney needs to formulate questions for the evaluator to be included in the Order to focus the evaluation. The questions should address the issues in the case, including asking if the child has been sexually abused and if so, is the alleged abuser (father) the perpetrator. The questions should also address domestic violence and child physical abuse if those are also issues in the case. Then, there are the general questions always included such as what custody and visitation parenting arrangement would best promote the child's best interests. Your attorney should make sure that the questions are carefully drafted so that it is clear that the existence of sexual or physical abuse or domestic violence are determined first as threshold issues before going to general best interest issues; otherwise, the sexual and other abuse issues could be minimized. Be warned that most custody evaluators recommend a form of shared parenting or joint custody, with one parent having primary custody and the other having secondary custody.

Once the custody evaluation Order is entered, your attorney needs to act swiftly to make sure that the evaluator gets copies of, or is alerted to, all the court documents as well as all other relevant documentation, such as CPS records, medical records, school records etc. Your attorney will need to decide what information to give the evaluator because everything you give the psychologist will eventually be given to the abuser. The evaluator may have a questionnaire for you to fill out about your family history and your parenting techniques, etcetera. Again, make sure your attorney reviews everything you write before you submit it to the psychologist. The psychologist will probably meet with you for an introduction and then give you a battery of psychological tests to show whether you have any DSM-IV diagnoses and how you view your child. The psychologist should also give you the Sexual Behavior Inventory test that asks you the frequency in the last six months of a variety of sexualized and normal behaviors in your child or children. The psychologist will meet individually with you and then with the abuser and will observe you with the children and then the other parent with the children.

The psychologist should also meet with or interview the child, although some say they do not want to subject the child to yet another interview. With your attorney's approval as to the legality in your state, you might want to secretly tape your interviews with the psychologist in case there are discrepancies in what you reported when the custody evaluation is finished. You should be careful as to what you say to the psychologist, but at the same time, you have to be honest and remember that on the tests, some questions that are slighty negative about yourself are asked and it is normal to admit certain negative things about oneself. If you deny these things that most people would just admit, it will make you look strange, like you are trying to make yourself appear better than you are. You need to answer honestly and try not to make yourself look better or worse because that finding on the tests is just as, perhaps more, damaging as having a mental disorder because it goes to your credibility.

After the custody evaluation is finished, you and your attorney need to review it, first to see if the psychologist got the facts straight. If there is a glaring problem, your attorney can write letter to the psychologist setting out the discrepancies. Your attorney also should take a deposition of the custody evaluator if the outcome is not favorable to your position. Your attorney should investigate the custody evaluator's background, including his or her resume, books or articles written, conferences at which he or she presented , and any affiliations with certain groups that would show a bias, such as father's rights groups. Your attorney should subpoena the custody evaluator's complete file and review its contents, preferably prior to, or at the deposition, including all "collateral" statements, which are those given by people who you and the abuser named as supportive witnesses, all statements and questionnaires of, and interview notes about, you and the abuser, which may include audio or video tapes, and the results of all mental health examinations. Your attorney should be skilled and meticulous about deposing the custody evaluator in order to find out in advance how the custody evaluator will testify at trial and what holes there are in the custody evaluation.

Hiring a Sexual Abuse Expert

If the psychologist who did the custody evaluation did not adequately address the issue of sexual abuse or found that there was no sexual abuse, depending on the recommendations in the custody evaluation, you might want to hire another psychologist who is an expert in child sexual abuse to critique the custody evaluation and to do another evaluation solely on the issue of sexual abuse. You need to understand that your child's therapist cannot be this evaluator of sexual abuse because it would be a violation of the psychologists'' code of ethics because it is considered acting in a dual role. You need to have a separate psychologist to be your sexual abuse expert to evaluate and form a professional opinion as to whether the sexual abuse occurred. You should definitely have this psychologist interview the child. If your attorney wants your sexual abuse expert to be able to interview the alleged perpetrator, your attorney will probably have to file a motion in the case; however that is a tactical move and must be taken with caution. Do not expect the Court to allow it once a custody evaluation has already been done, which is why it's best to choose a custody evaluator who has experience in sexual abuse in the first place. Furthermore, you need to know that there is no mental test that can tell for sure if someone is a sex abuser. Sexual abuse is proven from a constellation of evidence. Even if you hire a sexual abuse expert, there is no guarantee that the expert is going to arrive at the conclusion that you desire; so, you might not want to tip your hand that you have such an expert until you have to do so. You can expect the other side to want to depose your sexual abuse expert, and you will have to pay to obtain a copy of that deposition even though you did not take it.

The Abuser's Testimony

Your attorney will also want to request discovery from the alleged perpetrator and to take his deposition. You want to have the abuser's version of the facts on the record as soon as possible before he knows what sort of evidence you have. A strategy your attorney might seriously want to consider, in addition to taking the abuser's deposition, is calling the abuser as your first witness at trial. This strategy takes away the opportunity for the abuser to change his story according to how other witnesses testify at trial. Since the custody case is a civil trial, if the abuser takes the Fifth[7] and refuses to testify, the Court can infer that he is in fact guilty of the thing for which he took the Fifth.

The Child's Testimony

There are many ways to get the child victim's statements into evidence at trial without having the child testify at trial. Some have been discussed above, such as the child's statements made to doctors or therapists in aid of treatment or the child's statements made to parents or other caretakers who then take the child to a doctor or a therapist based upon what the child said. Another exception to the hearsay rule is an excited utterance, which means that if the child says something at or soon after the time that something traumatic happens and the child is upset at the time it is said, then the child's statement can be testified to by someone who heard what the child said.

Depending on the facts of your sexual abuse case, you might need to have the child victim testify. To minimize trauma for the child, you and the alleged perpetrator could agree to allow the judge to talk to the child in Chambers alone. However, a better strategy is to ask that just the lawyers and the judge be present and that the courtroom be cleared with even the parents having to leave. This method allows your attorney to direct the questioning on direct examination and also insures that the testimony is on the record, which is important in case your case ends up being appealed.

Other Witnesses at Trial

There are many other witnesses that can be called for trial depending on the time allowed for testimony. Some of these I call professional witnesses: doctors, psychologists, therapists, police officers, teachers, and CPS investigators for example. If there are medical records, sometimes these can come into evidence either by consent or with only brief testimony from the records custodian unless something needs to be explained, in which case you may need to subpoena the doctor. If there is actual medical evidence of sexual abuse, for example, tears or a sexually transmitted disease, you may need to have the doctor testify and explain how that medical evidence would tend to show that sexual abuse occurred. You might also need medical personnel if the child's statements in aid of treatment are not written clearly in the medical records.

You should not forget that you also have to present basic evidence that you are a fit parent and that it is in the child's best interests to be in your custody. Besides all the evidence above, you should choose two or three non-relative witnesses who have witnessed you taking care of the child and who will testify that you are an excellent mother. Friends, neighbors, your child's friend's parents, babysitters, daycare providers, housekeepers, and sometimes church members are possible witnesses. For each possible witness, you should write down for your attorney what you expect that witness to say, the witness' name, address and telephone numbers. Your attorney may want you to contact these witnesses first. A lot of times when it gets right down to court time, people do not want to get involved. Remember, a subpoena can be used to force someone to testify and also to get someone an excuse for work, but if that person is adamant about not testifying, you should probably look somewhere else. to help you in a crunch with your child is very important. You should choose at least one relative to testify, preferably a grandmother or aunt to tell about how your family supports you and has been and will be there for you. It is especially important when there are allegations of sexual abuse if you are asking for supervised visitation for the abuser because having any child basically 24/7 is stressful. All parents need help every so often.

Your Testimony

You probably do not want to hear this bit of news, but your testimony is probably the most important testimony in your custody trial. The reason is that, first of all, when it comes to sexual abuse allegations, you are probably the only witness who can prove most of your case. Your credibility, meaning believability, is absolutely key. You also have to appear to be loving, smart, concerned, and nurturing, and moreover, not appear to be vindictive, lying, manipulative or evil. Mothers still have a more difficult time in custody cases than fathers when the fathers contest custody.

Here are some examples: If a father changes diapers and bathes children, he is viewed as a saint. He gets extra credit. If a mother does it, she gets no points because that is her job. If a mother works full time, or god forbid, overtime, she is viewed as having abandoned her motherly duties. If she has a boyfriend, she is a slut. Throw sexual abuse allegations in the mix and mothers are viewed all the more skeptically by the Court and every other professional involved in the case prior to and at trial.

Your attorney should review your testimony with you prior to trial. You should review your chronological history before you testify. Dates are very important. If you cannot remember a date when you are testifying, do not guess at a specific date, either say you cannot recall or give a general timeframe. Details are very important. You need to paint a picture for the judge so that the judge can see what you're describing as if she or he is watching a movie. You should think of all your five senses while you are testifying and describing what happened. Tell the judge what you saw, heard, felt, smelled or tasted. Take yourself back to the moment you are describing. The more detailed your testimony is, the more believable it will be.

Living with the Law

In the beginning of this article, I outlined some possible reasons why sexually abused children are not protected by the Courts. Sometimes, every so often, judges do get it. Sometimes children are protected. However, you need to also know that there are gradations of protection. The judge might totally stop the abuser's visitation until the abuser gets some help. The judge might give the children therapeutic visitation with the abuser, which generally entails going to therapy together once a week, or the judge might give the abuser visitation supervised by someone else. You can even ask the judge to order the abuser to pay a person from a nanny service to supervise the visits if there is no one else available.

Unfortunately, when there is therapeutic or supervised visitation, the abuser is probably going to try to impress the supervisor so that he can come back to Court with a motion to modify his visitation to try to get unsupervised visitation. You need to be aware that just because the trial is over, it does not mean that the case is over. These types of cases can drag on for years. Courts have jurisdiction (the power to hear the case) over children in custody cases until the child turns eighteen or until one parent dies or has his or her parental rights terminated, whichever occurs first.

If supervised visitation is not going well or if the abuser refuses to attend the visitation for several months and you have a finding of physical or sexual abuse by the Court, you may want to consider filing a Petition to Terminate the abuser's parental rights ("TPR"). In many states, if the abuser does not pay child support for a long period of time, that is also a legal ground, or reason, to TPR. The burden of proof in a TPR hearing is more difficult than in a regular custody case, and not only do you have to prove that there is at least one legal reason to TPR, but the Court also has to find that it is in the child's best interests that the abuser's parental rights are terminated. However, it does happen, and if you have that opportunity, you might want to take it because then you have sole control over the abuser's access to the children in the future.

If you lose your custody case, you need to know that it is rare for a custody case to be overturned on appeal. The reason is because Courts do not want to move children around from home to home. The policy of all Courts is to have permanency for children; so, the appellate courts give the trial judges wide latitude, also known as broad discretion, in formulating custody orders. In each state, there are two levels of Appellate Courts. Generally, the first level is called the Court of Appeals, and the second level is the state Supreme Court. Rarely, you can appeal to the United States Supreme Court if you lose in your state Supreme Court. When you appeal your case, you do not get to put on new evidence or testimony. The only time to present evidence or testimony is at your custody trial itself. For your appeal, the appellate court looks at the transcript of the trial, the court documents filed in the case, and the evidence presented. The only reason you can appeal your case is a legal mistake made by the trial judge, either at trial or in the custody order. You cannot just appeal because you lost your case. If there is no legal mistake, there is no ground for appeal. Sometimes there are only minor mistakes that would not change the outcome of the custody trial, called ""harmless errors."" If the appellate court finds that the errors of the trial judge were harmless errors or that the trial judge did not abuse his or her discretion, then the trial judge's custody order will not be overturned on appeal.

If you are unable to protect your child by way of your custody case, you can consider any criminal charges that might be able to be brought against the abuser, even for other things that the abuser has done wrong. You should consult your attorney to help you evaluate this situation, and if appropriate, contact the authorities. Remember that generally a defendant will get more prison time in Federal Court than in state court. Federal criminal law generally applies to things people do wrong that do or can cross state lines, like sending threats through the mail or crossing a state line to violate a domestic violence restraining order.

There is an underground network that tries to protect children from sexual abuse[8]; however, if you go underground with your child, you will most likely be committing a felony, and if your child is found, then the abuser will stand a good chance of gaining permanent custody of your child, and you may well end up in prison. Furthermore, life underground is incredibly stressful, and it robs your child of the childhood you wanted your child to have.

A more realistic option might be to make sure your child stays in therapy so that she or he will be more likely to disclose any future abuse to the therapist. Teach your child about good touches and bad touches, boundaries and private parts.[9] Do not allow your child to be alone with other children if your child has acted out sexually. Continue to document evidence without letting your child or the abuser know that you are doing so. Remember, disclosure is sometimes a process. Hang in there, get some support from others in your situation and be vigilant. If there is a significant change in circumstances, which could be new evidence of sexual abuse, you can file a motion to modify your custody order.

If you and your attorney have done everything you can think of to prepare and to try your case, then you will be able to live with the outcome a little better, no matter what it is. You want to minimize the ""what ifs."" Sexual abuse is hard to prove, especially where there is no disclosure by the child, no medical evidence and no confession by the abuser. Yet, having these top three pieces of proof is rare. You need to be realistic when you begin your case. However, you must do all that you can to protect your children now before this case is over because after the permanent custody trial is over, you cannot go back and bring up evidence that occurred prior to that trial. You have to bring it all out now or that evidence will be lost.

[1]This article may not be reproduced or republished anywhere without the author's written permission.

[2]This article is general legal information only. It is not legal advice for your case. You should talk to an attorney about your specific case before you implement any of these strategies.

[3]If one child is being sexually abused, all your children, to whom the abuser has access, are at risk of being sexually abused.

[4]Do not give this information to anyone else before you check with your attorney first. In fact, you should consult with your attorney about everything you do and say to anyone else involved in the case to make sure you are doing the right thing for your case.

[5]Something is relevant if it tends to prove that some fact (like that the sexual abuse occurred) is more or less likely to be true.

[6]There will be time for healing after the custody case is over. You can ask the Judge to order the abuser into therapy with the child, in which hopefully the abuser will get to the point where he will acknowledge to the child that he did something wrong. You also can discuss healing with your child's individual therapist. But, during your custody case, the top priority is to protect your child, and to do that, you must win.

[7]""Taking the Fifth"" refers to taking advantage of the Fifth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution that says that a person does not have to testify against himself regarding any crime he might have committed.

[8]This underground has been profiled on TV programs such as ""Dateline"

[9]In doing all this though, you need to be sure not to allow your child to become alienated from the abuser (unless the abuser chooses not to visit, in which case, consider TPR as soon as possible) and to follow the suggestions above for ways to continue to have evidence that you are including the abuser so that he cannot turn the tables on you and try to get custody from you based upon parental alienation.

Arlaine Rockey, Attorney at Law
http://www.attorneyauthor.com

Original Article

The Root of Child Abuse: Anger

2009-11-11T19:30:00.001-08:00

Professor Harry J. Gaynor, Ph.D.
President, National Burn Victim Foundation
Member, The American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress'
Board of Scientific and Professional Advisors

While this paper focuses on child abuse by burning, it covers other areas of violence: children killing their parents, teachers, schoolmates. The danger signals that disturbed minds send and the anger signs may not be recognized or taken seriously by family members, friends, teachers, or neighbors, until tragedy strikes.

Child abuse by burning is one of the most difficult of injuries to identify properly and to investigate. The search for solutions has been varied, sometime haphazardly and based on innate guesswork, unfounded preconceptions and myths with little, if any, scientific input.

Of 1,356 cases of suspected child abuse reported to the National Burn Victim Foundation (NBVF) between 1975 and 1996, spontaneous acts of violence against children were involved in 176 cases (14%). In 168 of those cases (97%), the parent or guardian caring for the child was known to have an aggressive response behavior. In four cases, the perpetrator was identified as passive. There were four cases of premeditated acts of violence. Of the abusers, males totaled 79 (45%) and females 97 (55%). Two cases were homicides by burning.

Cases involving ignorance and/or willful neglect totaled 466 (35%) of the 1,356 cases. It was determined that accidents accounted for 712 (53%) of the suspicious burn incidents. I could find no data to support the opinion of some medical professionals that major burn insults or the severity of the injury occurred mostly in abuse incidents. Major, moderate and minor burns occurred in all areas of abuse, neglect and accident. Scalding burns totaled 952 (70%) while hot surface contact burns totaled 253 (19%). Other causes of skin irritation wrongfully identified as burns were diarrhea (68), insect bites (39), Ritter's disease (9) and allergies (35).

The aggressive response person is generally reported to be preoccupied with self, displays selfish behavior, and does not give adequate attention to the needs of others. That person displays a lack of concern for the impact anger will have on the recipient. Violent, aggressive response behavior includes verbal and physical attacks on others, labeling others, putting others down, teasing, humiliation of others and sometimes blatant sarcasm. Seen as a person with a short fuse, the aggressive response person may possess not only a quick temper but also a nasty disposition and may act impulsively. Any one or combination of these traits is a "red flag" when searching for a motive in cases of child abuse by burning, or any act of physical violence.

On the other hand, the passive person is aware of hostile anger but keeps it down. If problems persist over time, a blowup or emotional breakdown can be expected. The passive behavior person may avoid the problem, use the "silent treatment," display apathy, use subtle sarcasm, forget things, and does not give adequate attention to personal needs.

When there is a mystery as to how a child was burned and there appears to be no motive, that is the time to explore, in depth, whether the person responsible for the child at the time of the incident is known to possess an aggressive response behavior. A common error is to assume prematurely that the character of the adult is impeccable. An articulate, glib person is capable of covering up a quick temper; that person can and does demonstrate remorse when appropriate. During an investigation, friends, family and associates generally will express an opinion as to whether an adult has a quick temper. If that is established, then a psychological profile follows to identify the adults strengths and weaknesses and determination of whether that individual fits the mold of an aggressive, quick-tempered person.

The Bible addressed "anger" in Proverbs 14, verse 17: "A quick tempered man does foolish things." Verse 18 says, "A hot tempered man stirs up dissension." Proverbs 22, verse 24, says, "Do not make friends with a hot tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered." The hot-tempered man (or woman) flying off at the drop of a hat, was as socially unacceptable then as he (or she) is today.

While the Bible references "angry men," men today have not cornered the market on anger--women can be just as angry in today's violent society. Women, in an act of anger, generally strike out at a single person. Aggressive males can extend their acts of anger and may vent their rage on a larger scale of violence.

Reported child abuse, physical and emotional, in the United States is like a "runaway train," whose engineer fails to see the danger signals along the way. Reports of child abuse are soaring to new heights year after year. Education and training of physicians and investigators in forensics is needed. The need for higher standards of training is tremendous. Violence seen in movies and on home television is turning this countrys youth into believing that aggressive, dangerous anger is an acceptable social behavior. However, we know that aggressive anger results in violent crime. Public service television station have an opportunity to educate their viewers on the subject of violence. We live in a sensationalized society thirsting and bent on sensationalism; it is sensationalism that sells newspapers and draws record numbers of viewers to movie theaters and television programs in which violence is glorified.

Teenage violence is becoming a national crisis. Some sections of the country are beginning to talk about martial law and curfews on youth. Some areas enforce curfews. Further, it seems children and teenagers have no fear of consequences for bad behavior. Students in grade school and high school are beating teachers, stabbing and shooting fellow students and sneaking guns into school. Surely we can anticipate more future teenage violence and the "runaway train" will continue to gain speed into the next generations and beyond. Today's angry youth are destined to become future child abusers. God help us, we must stop that train, now!

Children are the victims of adult anger, not adult inability to control anger, but their unwillingness to change poor behavior. Behavior is changeable. The innocent, trusting infant or small child often becomes a target when there is a domestic disagreement or an outside threatening situation. Some adults' expectations of children are far beyond a childs ability to respond. When the child acts according to his/her age and does not respond to the aggressive adults' expectations, a spontaneous act of violence may occur. In the 172 cases previously mentioned, the child was alone with an abusive adult when burned. Child abusers know that what they are doing to an infant or child is wrong and do not want any witnesses to their bad behavior.

Many child protection programs have failed to identify the basic root of child abuse. Now children are being told to report their parents or guardians to their teachers if they believe they are being abused. Parents from all life styles are now being threatened by their children when they attempt to correct their childrens attitude or behavior. Children are not small adults - they are different, physiologically, biologically and psychologically. Can children really ascertain the difference between abuse and appropriate parental discipline? Remember, Hitler invaded the minds of children, twisting their minds and turning the children against their parents, and he was successful. Could the unthinkable happen in America? It already has. Many parents today hesitate to discipline their child for fear of being accused of child abuse.

Is all anger bad? No, anger is a feeling, and adults and children need to deal with feelings. It is reasonable to be angry when aroused by injustice or something unworthy. The assertive person thinks rationally, acts prudently, feels constructively and stands up firmly for personal convictions in a manner that respects anothers dignity (see Andrew Savicky's, Ph.D. 1990 publication, A World Without Tears). Fortunately, most parents are able to recognize the potential danger in a situation and take steps to remedy it. Most parents have tales to tell of times when they could have crossed the line and harmed a child. If the equation had been weighted with more negative factors, had the incident been just right, the outcome could well have been different.

Violence is not new in our society; however, violence against children when the parent(s) is/are under emotionally stressful circumstances can be identified with a measure of predictability. Most parents are able to exhibit restraint, to walk away when they are angry, or to stop short of striking the child, thus sparing the child from becoming an innocent target for violence.

Certain risk factors that appear in abused children when one or both parents have aggressive/passive personalities include the following: unwanted pregnancy, premature birth, failure of the infant to thrive, disappointment to parent(s) (e.g., sex, birth defect, appearance), hyperactive behavior, a "difficult" child, difficult to nurture, special care needed for the "sickly" child, economic burden, etc.

It is rare that the first act of violence on a child is a thermal insult. The abused, burned child has experienced other acts of violence: excessive slapping, pinching, belt strap and/or buckle on lower legs, arms and back and/or chest areas, hair yanking, pin sticks and then the ultimate most painful - burning.

While the configuration of the burn injury and the thermal source are important when investigating suspicious burns, the history of how the incident occurred is equally important. A forensically supported conclusion must be attained prior to judgement on the suspects character.

Medical professionals receive little (if any) training in medical school to render a professional opinion in a case of child abuse by burning. The physicians in hospital emergency departments or in burn units are often too pressed by time and workload to make a judgement as to whether a burned child was abused, neglected or the victim of an accident. They rarely if ever have all the facts needed to render a professional judgement. Further, during the emergency stage, they are subject to emotionally-packed stories, some second and third hand. Once a doctor states "abuse" or "suspicious," rarely is this opinion challenged.

The physician or nurse is expected to know the answer and thus render an innate opinion or the popular word "suspicious" is used - a term which implies a factor of guilt. During the initial treatment of a burn, many times a wrong decision is made that has far-reaching repercussions and devastating results. Families can become torn apart, with the familys lifestyle disrupted and some times damaged beyond repair.

The cost of investigating reported suspicious incidents of child abuse/neglect, social services, foster care for children, and subsequent legal matters involving prosecutors, public defenders, private attorneys, and the whole process of a trial runs into hundreds of millions of dollars annually. No price can be placed on a person wrongfully stigmatized, falsely charged and tried as a child abuser. Even if found innocent they will always be suspect in the minds of others.

Children in growing numbers are threatening to report their parents as child abusers when a parent attempts to impose proper discipline. A staff physician tells how his 8-year-old son was watching too much television and his room was a mess. The father instructed his son, "No TV and I want to see your room straightened up when I come home tonight." When the father arrived home, the son was watching TV and the room was still a mess. As he began to scold his son loudly, the 8-year-old jumped off the chair, pointed his finger at his father and said, "Dad, if you continue to holler at me, I will tell my teacher, and she will call the police to arrest you for child abuse."

Little girls in school are being told, "Dont sit on a mans lap if you feel uncomfortable." What does that mean? When a small childs father says, "Come, sit on Daddys lap and Ill read you a story," how will she react? Will she make excuses again and again and fear that some terrible thing will happen to her if she sits on a mans lap? What about grandad and Santa Claus, they are men. Children have been lied to by adults; consider the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, the Wicked Witch flying on a broomstick and many other adult fantasies. As children mature they learn that they have been lied to and lying becomes an acceptable tool for them to use.

A single working mother was having a problem with her 11-year-old son. He was hanging out with older boys and using vulgar language. She grounded him and hid their portable TV. He failed to come home after school. The mother was frantic waiting for him. Finally, around 10:30 p.m. he arrived home in a car and sneaked into the dark apartment. The mother started to scold him. He responded by calling her vulgar names. She took his pants down and gave him two "whacks" with a belt and sent him to bed. The next day two police officers came to her place of work and placed her under arrest. She was charged with child abuse and jailed.

A young father hated to change his 3-month-old daughters diapers. One morning while his wife was at work, as he was removing the babys diaper, she began to cry. The father put the baby in the kitchen sink and turned on the hot water to wash off the babys bottom. Knowing the water was too hot, he used the sprayer located at the kitchen sink and burned the babys buttocks and groin area. The baby received deep second degree burns. The incident was termed accidental according to attending physicians. Eight years later, this father was suspected of sexually abusing the same child. He was known to have a violent temper. The case against him for burning his baby daughter was re-opened and he was found guilty of child abuse by burning.

The following data (from the National Child Abuse Protection Agency) demonstrates the national annual reported suspected child abuse cases:

1960 64,000 cases of suspected child abuse reported in the U.S.

1970 72,000 cases reported.

1975 Law changed to protect accusers from civil suit.

1980 1,100,000 cases reported, 15 times the number reported in 1970.

1990 2,400,000 cases reported. 33 times the number reported in 1970.

1993 3,000,000 cases reported. 42 times the number reported in 1970.

1996 4,000,000 estimated cases (final number not available).

1997 It is estimated that the number of reported cases of child abuse will likely double by 1999.

Anger can cause conflict and conflict is a normal part of close relationships. Anger can provide an opportunity for a better understanding of another person. When someone cares enough to take the time to resolve a conflict, that person demonstrates caring. Conflicts can occur because of the differences between individuals. Relationships do not have to be destroyed because of those differences. Rather, recognizing the differences and viewing them in mature, responsible, positive ways instead of being fearful or unwilling to work through differences gives credence to the positive side of anger. Every person must learn to recognize the positive and negative effects of anger. Few people take the time to observe their actions when under stress or when their behavior is openly challenged. Road rage is an example of an aggressive person's spontaneous act of anger, to strike out and assert dominance over another driver.

Ideally, good anger was a sense given to an individual as a tool to condemn injustice and help build relationships. In pure form, anger is an emotional signal that alerts a person that something needs to be changed. It obviously was intended to be a positive motivator to be used in giving one another feedback about how life can be lived more productively. Bad behavior must be understood and realized that it has consequences. Bad behavior can be changed... it must be changed, or there can be no hope for a more socially civilized society in the future. To do nothing but complain about "kids today" will surely leave them unprepared to respond to the challenges the future will bring.

The failure of society, teaching institutions and government leadership to aggressively address the "root" cause of adult and youth violence will assure the "runaway train" will continue on its journey, leaving a trail of death, disfigurement and emotional scars lasting a life-time.

Pre-teens on a shooting spree kill classmates and a teacher. A 12 year-old is charged with sexually assaulting an 11 year-old girl in school. Children are threatening to report their parent(s) as child abusers when the parents attempt to appropriately discipline them. Time is running out.

It is foreseeable that violence by children on other children, teenage violence on their parents, teachers, schoolmates and even strangers will continue like the runaway train in reporting child abuse, failing to heed the children's cry for help. Societys leadership has failed Americas children. Society will pay a staggering price for its "failure to lead" in teaching children that bad behavior has consequences. It seems that no one today wants to take responsibility for their acts and/or omission of acts but blames the "system" or someone else for their indiscretions.

Anger Management programs, which offer assistance for habitually angry adults, are becoming a growing resource for adults who need treatment for aggressive personality traits. Road rage drivers, male and female alike, may receive tickets for being overly aggressive with their vehicles. Instead of fines they will have to attend Anger Management programs. This is only a beginning but it focuses on adults already addicted to bad behavior. Unfortunately, we are a crisis response society and fall short on innovation solutions of preventative methodologies to teach children in schools, churches and in the home that bad anger is an unacceptable trait in a civilized society.

Original Article

Sexual Abuse & Assault

2009-11-11T19:26:00.001-08:00

Fact/Myth Quiz
Test Your Knowledge

1. Child molesters typically use physically force and/or threats to gain compliance from their victims.

Fact? Myth?

2. Most child molesters find their victims by frequenting such places as school yards and playgrounds; therefore, all parents should be extremely concerned for their children's safety in such places.

Fact? Myth?

3. Most child molesters are "dirty old men."

Fact? Myth?

4. Child molesters are only attracted to children, and, therefore, are not capable of engaging in appropriate sexual relationships with consenting adults.

Fact? Myth?

5. Victims of child molestation are harmed only when offenders use force to make the victim have sex with them.

Fact? Myth?

6. Children often lie by making up stories of sexual abuse.

Fact? Myth?

7. If a child doesn't tell anyone about the sexual abuse, then he/she must have liked it.

Fact? Myth?

8. Children generally recover from the effects of sexual abuse on their own. It is best to keep the abuse a secret, so that they don't have to endure talking to any one else about it.

Fact? Myth?

9. A rape offender commits his offense for sexual gratification.

Fact? Myth?

10. Offenders could stop their sexually offending behavior on their own, if only they really wanted to stop.

All it takes is a desire to do so.

Fact? Myth?

11. Men who rape do so because they cannot find a consenting partner.

Fact? Myth?

12. Some men rape because they are under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

Fact? Myth?

13. If a rape victim doesn't fight back, then she/he must have enjoyed it.

Fact? Myth?

14. If a rape victim does not say "no", then she/he must have enjoyed it.

Fact? Myth?

And now for the Answers!

Surprise! All 14 questions/statements from the quiz are MYTHS

1. Only 10- 15% of child molesters use force or threats.

2. Most child molesters offend against children they know and/or with whom they have a relationship.

3. Majority of sex offenders are men, typically in their late 20's/early 30's and lead average lifestyles.

4. Most child molesters fall into 2 categories: Regressive offenders are primarily interested in adults but may regress and seek inappropriate comfort from a child. They represent the majority of molesters. Fixated child molesters (about 35%) are usually called pedophiles and are attracted to children as their primary sexual interest.

5. Victims can suffer many forms of physical and emotional harm including fear, shame, guilt, embarrassment and rejection.

6. Cases of children making up stories are rare.

7. Children won't tell because they are ashamed, afraid, protective of parents, afraid they'll be blamed.

8. The level of trauma that is incurred is based on many factors. With appropriate support, children can work through their trauma.

9. Rape is not about sex, but rather, anger, control and power.

10. Sex offenders are not able to stop their offending on their own.

11. Most rape offenders are married or have relationships with consenting adults.

12. Some offenders may be under the influence of drugs and/ or alcohol which may lower their inhibitions, but it cannot be blamed or used as an excuse for rape.

13. Many victims do not fight back out of fear.

14. Victims often do not say no for a variety of reasons including fear of being killed or severely injured.

Original Article