Showing posts with label ~Domestic Violence~. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ~Domestic Violence~. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Domestic Violence - Tips for Children - Australia

If you live in a home where there is a lot of violence, it can be very upsetting and frightening.  Violence in the home is always wrong and it's never your fault.  These tips might help you learn more about how to stay safe, what to do, types of violence and how to get help if you are being hurt.


Violence at Home Can Make You Feel Bad

The violence at home may be directed at your mother and you may see this happening.  The violence may also be towards you.  This is called child abuse.  It can make you feel really sad and awful.  Often children think they have something to cause the violence in their family.  This is not true, but sometimes you might:
  • Blame yourself for the violence
  • Feel frightened, sad, ashamed, confused or unhappy
  • Feel sick, have stomach pains or headaches
  • Stop eating or not feel like eating
  • Cry a lot
  • Sleep badly or have nightmares or wet the bed
  • Find school difficult
  • Lose interest in your school work or your friends
  • Take drugs or alcohol to cope
  • Feel like running away
  • Feel angry and want to hurt yourself or somebody else or to smash something
  • Have trouble talking - for example, you might stutter
  • Worry about your mother's safety
Types of Violence

Family violence can mean lots of different things - it's not just being hit.  There are different kinds of violence that can happen in the home.  The violence may be directed at your mother, at the children only, or at the children and mother.  Some examples of violence that may affect you are:
  • Physical Violence-someone hurting you by hitting, slapping, shoving, pushing, biting, kicking or burning you.  Someone throwing or breaking things in your home.  Seeing your mother or brother or sister hurt or threatened in any of these ways.  Someone hurting your pets.
  • Verbal Violence - someone hurting you by telling mean and nasty things at you, calling you rude names, or shouting or talking to you in a scary or threatening way.  Hearing someone speak to your mother like this.
  • Sexual Violence - someone hurting you by touching private parts of your body when you do not want them to, touching you in a sexual way or forcing you to have sex.
  • Neglect - someone hurting you by not giving you care, food, clean things, safety, clothing and love.
If You Think You are Being Abused or See Your Mother Being Abused

There are important things you should remember if you think that you, your mother or anyone in your family is being abused.  These include:
  • Someone may try to make you feel ashamed or guilty about what is happening.  You are not to blame for something they have done wrong.  It is not your fault and it's not a special secret.
  • Don't believe them if they say something bad will happen to you if you tell; there are people who can help you.
  • It is an unsafe secret to keep: it's okay to tell someone and it will help you or your mother to be safe
  • Nothing is so awful that it can't be talked about
  • Help is available
Tell Someone About Family Violence and Abuse at Home

You can report family violence at home and get help in many ways:
  • Find someone who you trust to tell (perhaps a neighbour, a teacher or a friend's mother).
  • Tell a trusted adult who can keep you safe and help stop the abuse at home.
  • Take your time and try to explain how you or your mother has been hurt.  It may be very difficult or scary for you to tell and it may be hard for you to find the right words to explain.  Just do the best you can to explain.
  • Try using the phone, writing things down, drawing a picture or sending an email - lots of people find talking face-to-face very difficult, not just kids.
  • If the person hurting you or your mother is someone in your family, you may feel safer if you tell someone outside your family - like your teacher or a Kids Help Line counsellor (see Where to get help below).
Staying Safe

There are ways that you can stay safe including:
  • Talk to people - find someone you can trust and who will listen to you.  It might be someone in your family, your friends' parents, a cousellor, your teacher, the police or another trusted adult.  They will help protect you.
  • Keep on telling different people - if your problem is not being fixed, keep telling people until you feel safe.
  • Remember that your body belongs to you - no one should touch any part of your body in a way that makes you feel scared or confused or hurt.  This includes your private parts.  It is okay to tell someone to stop if they are touching you in a way that hurts or makes you uncomfortable.
  • Know the difference between safe and unsafe touching - some touching is friendly and helpful such as hugging, holding hands with a friend, play wrestling with your brother or giving your sister a shoulder massage.
Where to Get Help
  • Kids Help Line counsellors Tel. 1800 551 800 or get help via the Internet www.kidshelp.com.au   
  • Police Tel. 000
  • Child Protection CrisisLine: Department of Human Services.  24 hour service Tel. 131 278
  • Trusted family member or friend
  • Teacher, school counsellor or trusted adult
Things to Remember
  • Family violence is never your fault
  • Learn how to stay safe
  • Get help by telling someone about the problem
Original Article

There are various types of domestic violence tactics and abuses.

In an domestic violence abusive relationship, the abuser may use a number of tactics to maintain power and control over his or her partner: Domestic Violence using Verbal Abuse:
  • Name Calling
  • Threatening
  • Intimidating
Domestic Violence using Emotional Abuse:
  • Criticizing
  • Displaying jealousy
  • Using public humiliation
  • Putting down the partner
  • Isolating
  • Dominating
  • Using the Children
Domestic Violence using Financial Abuse:
  • Controlling the money
  • Concealing joint assets or shared money
  • Keeping their partner impoverished
  • Blowing money
Domestic Violence using Physical Abuse:
  • Pushing
  • Slapping
  • Hitting
  • Kicking
  • Choking
  • Pulling hair
  • Biting
  • Using Weapons
  • Tying their partner up
  • Locking their partner in a room
Domestic Violence using Sexual Abuse:
  • Raping
  • Physically attacking sexual parts
  • Forcing their partner to perform sexual acts
Domestic Violence using System Abuse:
  • Violating restraining orders
  • Violating child custody agreements
  • Telling lies about their partner to police, courts


  • Isolation:

  •   The man will strongly discourage contact with friends and family. He will insist upon a move to an area far from these people, possibly rural or remote if they are city dwellers.

  • Limiting involvement with others:

  •   He will deny the woman access to a car, not allow her to go to school. If she is employed, he will harass her on the telephone or turn up at her workplace and cause trouble so that she loses her job.

  • Control of finances:

  •   He will take her money, give her an allowance or make her ask for money. She will have to account for all her expenditures and will have no knowledge of the family finances.

  • Putting her down:

  •   The man will call her names, ridicule her, imitate her, tell her she is 'stupid', yell at her, downplay her accomplishments, degrade her dignity and self-worth, make her feel useless and inferior.

  • Playing mind games:

  •   He will deny the abuse ever happened, say 'she caused it', or make light of the abuse telling her 'she has no sense of humor'.

  • Using the children:

  •   He will threaten to take the children away from her.

  • Anger and jealousy:

  •   The man will get angry and jealous and accuse her of having affairs if she even speaks to another man.

  • Statistics About Domestic Abuse

    DID YOU KNOW THAT:
      Approximately 95% of the victims of domestic violence are women.
    (Department of Justice figures)

     
    Every 9 seconds in the United States a woman is assaulted and beaten.
     
    4,000,000 women a year are assaulted by their partners.
     
    In the United States, a woman is more likely to be assaulted, injured, raped, or killed by a male partner than by any other type of assailant.
     
    Every day, 4 women are murdered by boyfriends or husbands.
     
    Prison terms for killing husbands are twice as long as for killing wives.
     
    93% of women who killed their mates had been battered by them. 67% killed them to protect themselves and their children at the moment of murder.
     
    25% of all crime is wife assault.
     
    70% of men who batter their partners either sexually or physically abuse their children.
     
    Domestic violence is the number one cause of emergency room visits by women.
     
    73% of the battered women seeking emergency medical services have already separated from the abuser.
     
    Women are most likely to be killed when attempting to leave the abuser. In fact, they're at a 75% higher risk than those who stay.
     
    The number-one cause of women's injuries is abuse at home. This abuse happens more often than car accidents, mugging, and rape combined.
     
    Up to 37% of all women experience battering. This is an estimated 566,000 women in Minnesota alone.
     
    Battering often occurs during pregnancy. One study found that 37% of pregnant women, across all class, race, and educational lines, were physically abused during pregnancy.
     
    60% of all battered women are beaten while they are pregnant.
     
    34% of the female homicide victims over age 15 are killed by their husbands, ex-husbands, or boyfriends.
     
    2/3 of all marriages will experience domestic violence at least once.
     
    Weapons are used in 30% of domestic violence incidents.
     
    Approximately 1,155,600 adult American women have been victims of one or more forcible rapes by their husbands.
     
    Over 90% of murder-suicides involving couples are perpetrated by the man. 19-26% of male spouse-murderers committed suicide.
     
    When only spouse abuse was considered, divorced or separated men committed 79% of the assaults and husbands committed 21%.
     
    Abusive husbands and lovers harass 74% of employed battered women at work, either in person or over the telephone, causing 20% to lose their jobs.
     
    Physical violence in dating relationships ranges from 20-35%.
     
    It is estimated that between 20% to 52% of high school and college age dating couples have engaged in physical abuse.
     
    More than 50% of child abductions result from domestic violence.
     
    Injuries that battered women receive are at least as serious as injuries suffered in 90% of violent felony crimes.
     
    In 1991, only 17 states kept data on reported domestic violence offenses. These reports were limited to murder, rape, robbery, and serious bodily injury.
     
    More than half of battered women stay with their batterer because they do not feel that they can support themselves and their children alone.
     
    In homes where domestic violence occurs, children are abused at a rate 1,500% higher than the national average.
     
    Up to 64% of hospitalized female psychiatric patients have histories of being physically abused as adults.
     
    50% of the homeless women and children in the U.S. are fleeing abuse.
     
    The amount spent to shelter animals is three times the amount spent to provide emergency shelter to women from domestic abuse situations.
     
    Family violence kills as many women every 5 years as the total number of Americans who died in the Vietnam War.

    Are you in an abusive relationship?

    Has any of the following ever happened to you? 
    Does your partner:
     
    1) Blame you for his or her mistakes?
    YES or NO

     
    2) Prevent you from seeing your family or friends?
    YES or NO

     
    3) Curse you, humiliate you, mock you or say mean things?
    YES or NO

     
    4) Force you to have sex or force you to engage in sex that makes you feel uncomfortable?
    YES or NO

     
    5) Restrain, hit, punch, slap, bite or kick you?
    YES or NO

     
    6) Intimidate or threaten you?
    YES or NO

     
    7) Ever prevent you from leaving the house, getting a job, or continuing your education?
    YES or NO

     
    8) Destroy personal property?
    YES or NO

     
    9) Behave in an overprotective way or become extremely jealous?
    YES or NO

     
    10) Threaten to hurt you, your children, pets, family members, friends, or himself?
    YES or NO

     
    If you answered YES to any of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship.

    Domestic violence and children

    Domestic violence (often called ‘family violence’) can include physical, verbal, sexual or emotional abuse. Children who witness regular acts of violence have greater emotional and behavioral problems than other children. Even very young children can be profoundly frightened and affected.

    Contrary to popular belief, witnessing episodes of violence between people they love can affect young children as much as if they were the victims of the violence.

    Short-term effects of domestic violence

    A child’s response to repeated domestic violence depends on a number of factors, including their age, gender, personality and family role. Some of the immediate effects can include:
    • Blaming themselves for the violence
    • Experiencing sleeping difficulties, such as nightmares
    • Regression to an earlier stage of development, such as thumb sucking and bedwetting
    • Becoming increasingly anxious or fearful
    • Displaying aggressive or destructive behaviour
    • Starting to withdraw from people and events
    • Becoming a victim or perpetrator of bullying
    • Starting to show cruelty to animals
    • Experiencing stress-related illnesses, such as headache or stomach pain
    • Displaying speech difficulties, such as stuttering
    • Misusing drugs and alcohol (in young adults).
    Long-term effects of domestic violence A child growing up in an abusive household learns to solve their problems using violence, rather than through more peaceful means. Some of the long-term effects may include copying their parental role models and behaving in similarly destructive ways in their adult relationships. Children may learn that it is acceptable to behave in a degrading way to other people, as they have seen this occur in the violent episodes they witnessed. Appropriate support and counselling will help children grow up learning not to abuse others.

    Drug and alcohol misuse

    Some parents who are dependent on alcohol or other drugs are unable to care for their children appropriately and may hurt or neglect their children. For some, the addiction is so overwhelming that it takes priority over everything else, including looking after their children’s needs.

    Children need consistency in their routine if they are to develop trust and a sense of security, which parents who misuse alcohol or drugs may be unable to give them. Some of the effects of parental drug and alcohol misuse on the child may include:

    • Not getting all their nutritional needs met
    • Experiencing school and learning problems
    • Developing emotional problems related to anxiety or stress
    • Loss of trust in adults
    • Having an increased risk of mental illness or suicide in later life
    • Developing an increased risk of substance misuse.
    Seek support to stop the violence Domestic violence does not resolve itself. If you seek support to take action against violence, it shows your child that abuse is not acceptable and should be stopped. There are professional organisations that can help both partners to confront and change their destructive behaviours. If the abused partner fears for their safety, or for the safety of their children, it is important to take time away from home as soon as possible.

    See your doctor for advice and referral, or call a parenting or domestic violence helpline. A parent with a substance addiction needs professional treatment, including counselling or medical treatment. In the meantime, keep all harmful substances out of the reach of children.

    How to help your child

    You can help your child emotionally recover from domestic violence in many ways, including:
    • Get support to take action against the violence.
    • Protect children from violence by taking them to a safe place.
    • Tell the child that abusive behaviour is wrong and be a role model for other ways of managing anger and solving problems.
    • Reassure the child that none of the violent episodes were their fault in any way.
    • Tell them how much you love them and cuddle them often.
    • Encourage them to talk openly about their feelings.
    • Get extra help for your child with their schooling.
    • Enlist a trusted adult to provide your child with emotional support.
    • Seek professional help, such as counselling, for all family members.
    Where to get help
    • In an emergency, dial triple zero (000) to call police or ambulance
    • Women’s Domestic Violence Crisis Service of Victoria (24 hour) Tel. (03) 9373 0123 or 1800 015 188
    • Parentline Tel. 132 289
    • Kids Helpline Tel. 1800 551 800
    • Relationships Australia Tel. (03) 9835 7570 – for support groups and counselling on relationships, and for abusive and abused partners
    • Mensline Australia Tel. 1300 789 978
    • Domestic Violence Crisis Centre (national number) Tel. 1800 633 937
    • National Association for Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect (NAPCAN) Tel. (03) 9654 9552
    • Your doctor
    Things to remember
    • Children who witness regular acts of violence have greater emotional and behavioural problems than other children.
    • Some of the immediate effects may include nightmares, anxiety, withdrawal and bedwetting.
    • Seeking support to take action against domestic violence shows your child that abuse is not acceptable and can be stopped.
     
    Original Article

    Children of Abused Parents Have More Behavior Problems

    Judith M. McFarlane, DrPH; Janet Y. Groff, MD, PhD;
    Jennifer A. O'Brien, MA, Kathy Watson, MS
    Pediatrics, September 2003


    Children who witness their mothers being abused can experience a variety of behavior problems, including anxiety, withdrawal, depression, and aggression, say researchers from the University of Texas-Houston Medical School in Houston, Texas.

    Researchers surveyed 258 mothers who had been abused and 72 nonabused mothers as part of a study on treatment of abused women. All of the moms had kids between the ages of 18 months and 18 years old. Mothers noted the types of assaults that had occurred within the past 12 months, and they completed a comprehensive survey of their children's behavior. The child behavior survey asked questions about internalizing behaviors, such as anxiety and depression, withdrawal, and physical complaints like headaches or stomachaches. Mothers also reported whether their children showed externalizing behaviors, such as aggression, attention problems, or rule breaking.

    Children of abused moms had more internalizing problems, more externalizing problems, and more behavior problems overall than children of nonabused moms. These behaviors, especially depression, withdrawal, and anxiety, place a child at higher risk for suicide.

    What This Means to You: A child who is exposed to domestic violence is at risk for behavioral problems, even if he or she isn't directly being abused. Both children and parents in abusive families need help. If you are being abused, call (800) 799-7233 to reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline or talk to your doctor or your child's doctor about what to do.


    Children, Community Violence and Post-Traumatic Stress

    Deborah Wasserman
    Department of Human Development & Family Science
    The Ohio State University
    Carol Ford Arkin, Ph.D.
    Columbus Children's Hospital


    Quick to anger, trouble paying attention, disinterested--these behaviors in children demand adult intervention. Problem behaviors in children derive from many sources. One potential factor affecting too many children today is the physiological and psychological aftereffects of witnessing or being a victim of a traumatic event.

    Traumatic stress comes in many forms and a full range of intensities, as do children's responses to it. Not all children who have experienced or witnessed trauma will exhibit behavior problems. Increasing adults understanding of the effects of trauma hopefully will enable them to better help children who experience problems.

    RESPONSE TO TRAUMA

    Children's responses to trauma may vary according to the source and circumstances of the trauma and the circumstances of the child. Generally speaking, children who experience or witness extreme threat respond with symptoms that fit into four general categories (Terr, 1991; Pynoos and Nader, 1988):
    • They may have strong memories that repeatedly intrude on their normal functioning.
    • They may engage in endlessly repeated behaviors.
    • They may develop trauma-specific fears.
    • They may change their attitudes about friends, family, life in general, and the future. They also may desire to be unaware of their feelings.
    Although these responses tend to be fairly consistent among children who have experienced traumatic stress, the way they manifest can differ substantially. Repetitive behaviors in one child, for example, may be highly aggressive, whereas in another they may be withdrawn or self-injurious. Some children exhibit few, if any, of these symptoms; others become almost completely debilitated, experiencing all of them persistently. In the latter case, children may be diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

    Most children who have experienced trauma will not develop PTSD, although many may demonstrate transitory symptoms. If disturbances persist for longer than one month, parents or caregivers should consult with a mental health professional or pediatrician experienced in working with traumatized children.

    WHAT INFLUENCES CHILDREN'S RESPONSES TO TRAUMA?

    Many factors, often interrelated, contribute to the type and severity of a child's response to traumatic stress. These factors include the persistence of the trauma, the relationship of the child to the perpetrator, the proximity of the child to the experience, the child's support system, and the basic beliefs the child brings to the task of understanding and coping with the trauma. To understand children's possible responses, it is helpful to consider:
    • the child's age,
    • whether the trauma was ongoing or one-time,
    • the child's relationship to the perpetrator,
    • whether the child was a victim, a witness, or connected in some way to the victim,
      adult support,
    • other stress factors affecting the child.
    THE CHILD'S AGE: Children's responses to traumatic stress tend to be consistent with their developmental age. Toddlers may manifest stress in changes in their relationship to their caregivers, either demanding more attention, showing signs of indifference, or both. Their motor activity may change, and they may become more aggressive (hitting, biting, pinching).

    In addition to the behaviors exhibited by toddlers, preschoolers may have physical symptoms, such as headaches, stomachaches, or difficulty using a particular body part. They may engage in endlessly repetitive play; may physically and emotionally avoid any reminders of the incident; or may demonstrate fear, sadness, clingingness, regressive behaviors, and feelings of shame regarding their vulnerability. Children also may enter a dissociative state, which observers often describe as "being in a world of their own" or "being out of touch."

    School-aged children typically are more susceptible to traumatic events outside the family and their effects on their caregivers, friends, and their community. They may also be more adult-like in exhibiting their sadness and other mood-oriented symptoms, such as anxiety, depression, guilt, increased inhibition, and hypervigilance. These states can result in changes in play, loss or change in interests, return of old or onset of new fears, sleep disorders, difficulty concentrating, and lack of initiative. School performance and learning may suffer. Often symptoms may mirror those of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and may respond to ADHD treatment (Schwarz and Perry, 1994).

    In addition to the symptoms experienced by younger children, adolescents may exhibit identity, eating, and personality (including multiple personality) disorders and seizure-like states. Suicide attempts, substance abuse, self- mutilation, delinquency, truancy, and destructive sexual behaviors also may occur.

    WHETHER THE TRAUMA WAS ONGOING OR ONE-TIME: If the trauma was acute and unanticipated, as might be the case with a drive-by shooting, the child may experience acute and disturbing disruptions of thought patterns. If the trauma was chronic and anticipated, as is most often the case with sexual or physical abuse, researchers and clinicians report a more chronic absence of feeling, sense of rage, and generalized sadness along with fear (Terr, 1991). The two types of trauma can also overlap, resulting in a mixture of symptoms.

    THE CHILD'S RELATIONSHIP TO THE PERPETRATOR: Traumas perpetrated by individuals whom a child has learned to trust or depend on create different effects than those perpetrated by strangers. Generally speaking, the more personal the relationship between perpetrator and victim, the more severe the symptoms of the victim.

    WHETHER THE CHILD WAS A VICTIM, A WITNESS, OR CONNECTED IN SOME WAY TO THE VICTIM: Studies of one-time, acute events reveal that those physically and emotionally closest to the event's epicenter will have the most severe and longest-lasting symptoms. That is, victims who are emotionally, cognitively, and physically involved with the event and the perpetrator can be expected to respond more strongly than those who are physically, emotionally, or cognitively more distant (Pynoos and Nader, 1988; Schwarz and Perry, 1994; Terr, 1990). Relationship to the event may involve the victim's sense of control over the event; victims with less control may have a stronger symptomatic response (McCormack, Burgess, and Hartman, 1988).

    ADULT SUPPORT: At the time of a traumatic event, attention and energy may be focused on the victim, perhaps making it difficult for children who are distressed by witnessing the event to receive the support they need. Moreover, adults who have close relationships with a child victimized by violence may be hampered by their own distress about the occurrence.

    Difficulty receiving the support they need may be compounded for children who manifest their grief differently than adults. Children's sadness may be less apparent and less sustained. Some researchers have found that many children have never spoken to anyone about their grief reactions. These researchers surmise that because children's sadness tends to be more hidden, parents and teachers may have more difficulty appreciating the nature and intensity of children's grief reactions (Pynoos and Nader, 1988).

    OTHER STRESS FACTORS AFFECTING THE CHILD. Although children have a wide range of response to various traumatic stresses, one fact seems to be well-established: rather than building children's resilience by giving them more expertise, recurrent or multiple traumas multiply the difficulty children experience (Fitzpatrick and Boldizar, 1993; Pynoos and Nader, 1988).

    PROVIDING SUPPORT

    In addition to providing "first aid" (see section at the end of this article) at the time of the trauma, parents and caregivers can provide ongoing support to children in the ways outlined in the remainder of this article.

    HELPING CHILDREN REGAIN A SENSE OF CONTROL: Traumatized children have experienced themselves as helpless and not in control. Healing includes recognizing that those feelings occurred at the time of the trauma, but need not continue into the present. Barbara Oehlberg, in her discussion of "reempowerment" in Making It Better: Activities for Children Living in a Stressful World (1996), suggests asking children open questions, such "Then what happened?" or "I wonder what makes the daddy say that?" to help them process a story and gain a sense of mastery. Oehlberg's book also provides a number of open-ended activities intended to help children draw from their own resources to make sense of their world.

    HANDLING DISRUPTIVE BEHAVIOR:Although adults may encounter difficulties when faced with agitated, defiant, or aggressive children, remembering that they are struggling and need adult help is extremely important. Behavior problems are unlikely to decrease through scoldings or appeals to "common sense," and harsh discipline is harmful and inappropriate. On the other hand, overly permissive parenting is not likely to help a child who needs guidance and help with coping. Children need consistent, loving support with clear limits and positive discipline to enforce them.

    UNDERSTANDING REPETITIVE PLAY: The play of traumatized children may include acting out aspects of the event or themes from it. Some children may engage in endless, unvaried, repetition of the same play. Although self-expression may be constructive, caregivers need to balance between excessively encouraging or discouraging these activities (Schwarz and Perry, 1994). Caregivers should supervise play, for example, and be attuned to the possibility that it can become too disturbing for the child or for the child's playmates.

    TUNING INTO THE CHILD'S NEEDS AND PACE FOR DEALING WITH STRESS: While providing opportunities for children to express themselves, parents and caregivers need to be careful not to push too hard to extract a story or otherwise pressure the child. Allow children to feel safe, accepted, and ready to talk at their own pace. On the other hand, putting the burden solely on children to bring up their feelings, or avoiding the subject altogether and assuming children will "work things out on their own" does not give children the support they need. If adults never broach a subject, children may think that it is somehow taboo or that their feelings are abnormal or bad and should not be discussed.

    GOING BEYOND THE NUCLEAR FAMILY: Families that have experienced trauma may find it helpful to reach outside the family for supportive relationships for themselves and their children. An adult mentor, for example, can make an enormous difference in a child's life.

    COPING OVER TIME: As children mature, gaining more sophisticated emotional and cognitive abilities, they may reprocess an earlier trauma. Caring adults should be aware of this possibility, and be ready to listen and possibly make referrals to appropriate professionals, whenever the need arises.

    SPECIAL SECTION

    FIRST AID AT THE TIME OF STRESS


    Coping with the traumatic stress of a child at the time of the stress is critical; unaddressed traumatic stress increases the likelihood of the child developing PTSD. The following suggestions by Pynoos and Nader (1988) include a list of "first aid" for trauma victims:
    1. Provide support, rest, comfort, food, and the opportunity to play or draw.
    2. Reassure children that they are safe and that you will help them.
    3. Reassure children that the event was not their fault.
    4. Help children understand what has happened by giving them opportunity to talk about the event. Clarify, then reclarify any existing confusions.
    5. Give children the opportunity to talk about their feelings. Providing emotional labels for common reactions is helpful. Reassure children that it is okay for them to be upset.
    6. Do not insist that children talk before they are ready or more than is comfortable for them.
    7. Help children understand that the event is over, especially in the presence of physical reminders of the incident.
    8. Encourage children to let their parents, teachers, or other adults they trust know about what happened.
    9. Provide consistent and reassuring caretaking, such as picking children up from school or letting children know the whereabouts and availability of a significant adult.
    10. Understand that children may exhibit behaviors they have already grown out of (for example, bedwetting) and tolerate those behaviors for a limited amount of time.
    11. Help children dealing with death understand its finality. Do not talk about death with euphemisms, such as "He went away" or "She is sleeping."
    REFERENCES

    Fitzpatrick, K. M. & Boldizar, J. P. (1993). The prevalence and consequences of exposure to violence among African-American youth. JOURNAL OF THE AMERICAN ACADEMY OF CHILD AND ADOLESCENT PSYCHIATRY, 32, 424-430.

    Garbarino, J. (1995). RAISING CHILDREN IN A SOCIALLY TOXIC ENVIRONMENT. Jossey-Bass; San Francisco.

    Heergaard, M. (1991) WHEN SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENS: CHILDREN CAN LEARN TO COPE WITH GRIEF. Woodland Press, Minneapolis.

    Oehlberg, B. (1996). MAKING IT BETTER: ACTIVITIES FOR CHILDREN LIVING IN A STRESSFUL WORLD. St. Paul: Red Leaf Press.

    Pynoos, R. S. & Nader, K. (1988). Psychological first aid and treatment approach to children exposed to community violence: research implications. JOURNAL OF TRAUMATIC STRESS, 1(4), 445-473.

    Schwarz, E. D., & Perry, B. D. (1994). The post-traumatic response in children and adolescents. PSYCHIATRIC CLINICS OF NORTH AMERICA, 17 (2), 311-327.

    Terr, L. C. (1991). Childhood Traumas: An outline and overview. AMERICAN JOURNAL OF PSYCHIATRY, 148, 10-20.

    Sunday, December 13, 2009

    Caught in the Crossfire: Children and Domestic Violence


    By Tracy Burt, Support Network for Battered Women
     

    Domestic Violence: Through the Eyes of a Child

    The domestic violence movement has become increasingly aware of the devastating impact of domestic violence on children’s lives. Over three million children in the United States are exposed to parental violence each year. Whether or not children actually witness the violence, they are now considered to be victims of this epidemic.

    As they grow and develop, children form assumptions about the world in which they live. Is their world consistent and predictable or chaotic and unsafe? Will their parents be able to keep them safe and protected? Exposure to domestic violence creates inordinate stresses in a child’s life.

    In addition to the trauma of knowing that one parent hurts another “on purpose,” children in homes where domestic violence occurs are 15 times more likely to experience child abuse than children in non-violent homes. Instead of becoming used to regular routines in a safe environment, children enter an environment filled with stress and tension.

    The Early Years

    From the time children are conceived, they become intimately connected with and affected by domestic violence directed at their mothers. Violence tends to increase during pregnancy, which in turn contributes to an increased rate of miscarriage. Infants often develop an intense fear of adults, lose their appetite and scream incessantly. Unfortunately, these behaviors create more strain for families that are already over-stressed.

    Acting Out

    Sharon is four years old. She has trouble focusing at school and often hits other children in her class...
    Every child responds differently to witnessing or directly experiencing domestic violence, depending on his or her temperament, usual coping mechanisms, developmental stage and support systems. Some children may respond with internalized symptoms such as regression and social isolation. Others may develop externalized negative behaviors that includes nightmares, hyperactivity, aggression and delinquency.

    Research about children of various ages has found that from 50 to 70 per cent of children exposed to domestic violence suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder at a higher rate than either Vietnam Veterans or rape victims. Violence puts them at significantly higher risk for behaviors ranging from extreme withdrawal to hyperactivity and for consequences ranging from school failure to suicide and criminal behavior.

    Anger

    Jeff is thirteen. He has lived with his mother and father his entire life. He loves both his parents but feels angry with his Dad for hitting his Mom and angry at his Mom for not protecting herself. Over the last few years, Jeff has begun to take the situation into his own hands, vowing to stop his Dad from ever hurting his Mom again.

    Mothers in violent relationships are often unable to protect their children from their batterers, who may threaten children’s physical safety in order to control her behavior. The violence takes a mother away from her children, both physically and emotionally. Ironically, mothers often stay in violent relationships so that their children can maintain their relationship with the second parent (father/partner). Children are often literally “caught in the crossfire” and may be injured when an object is thrown or when they try to protect their mother.

    Shame

    Nina is nine. She is well-behaved and performs well in school, but has made up elaborate lies about her happy family. Her shame prevents her from ever having friends over.

    As children age, they feel increasingly responsible for the violence in their homes. A school-aged child often feels caught between love for the father and desire to protect the mother. Shame becomes a dominant theme. Children become increasingly isolated from their peers as they act out in school and cease to invite friends home. As children grow into teens they develop higher levels of delinquency and violent behavior than those in non-violent homes.

    The Perfectionist

    “If only I did better in school...”

    On the other hand, a child may become intensely perfectionist, believing that he will be able to make things better between his parents if only he is “good enough.” Children who follow this path tend to do well in school and consequently are not identified by teachers as needing help or support. Without outside support children continue these patterns and are at a higher risk for suicide and other self-destructive behaviors.

    Dating

    Joshua is fifteen. He hates his father and vowed that he would never treat women the way that his father treats his mother. He recently began dating a girl in his class. He has found himself becoming increasingly jealous of time she spends with her friends and last week he hit her ...

    As teens explore romantic relationships, the relational patterns they have learned at home, based on control and dominance rather than respect and equality, often affect their expectations of romantic partners. But with intervention, the cycle of violence can be interrupted.

    Breaking the Cycle

    While the picture for children exposed to domestic violence may at first appear dismal, Support Network staff and volunteers bear witness daily to the incredible resilience of children. The most critical factor in determining whether a child will be able to overcome the devastating impact of growing up exposed to domestic violence is the existence of a consistent and supportive relationship in their lives, often with a teacher, counselor, or extended family member.

    When we work with children at the Support Network we help them identify and build upon their strengths, while at the same time developing supportive relationships. We provide both individual and group counseling, including psycho-educational groups for 5 to 8- year-olds and 9 to 12-year-olds. Being a part of these groups is often the first opportunity children have to share their experiences with children their own age. The children learn to support each other and themselves. We hear again and again how participation in our groups transforms children’s lives.

    Finally, our consistent support of mothers constitutes an essential intervention in the lives of children. Empowering mothers to be able to make positive changes in their lives and supporting their healing process is one of the most important keys to helping children heal and to break the intergenerational cycle of violence. As children begin to express their feelings and to understand the causes and effects of their behavior, they are able to begin changing the patterns in their lives.

    Every member of our community has opportunities to support children living in violent homes. Reaching out to a neighbor’s child, volunteering time to work on our crisis line or with children, and talking to others about the effects of domestic violence on children all help to interrupt the cycle of violence and promote prevention and healing.

    Children and Domestic Violence: The Facts

    Children in homes where domestic violence occurs are 15 times more likely to experience child abuse than children in non-violent homes.


    50 to 70 per cent of children exposed to domestic violence suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, a higher rate than either Vietnam Veterans or rape victims.

    Violence tends to increase during pregnancy, resulting in an increased rate of miscarriage.

    As children grow into teens they exhibit higher levels of delinquency and violent behavior than those in non-violent homes

    Battering: The Facts

        There are some commonly held beliefs about battering which we feel are actually myths...that is, the facts of battering indicate that these beliefs are false. Yet people continue to believe and act on these beliefs. In a sense, they become more powerful than the facts because they influence the ways battered women, their friends and family, the professional personnel they encounter, and the general public react to specific instances of battering.

     


    MYTH 1: "Battering" overstates the case. Few women are actually beaten.

    FACTS:
    Once violence has begun in a relationship it will continue and will increase in frequency and severity. Battering can involve severe beatings or threats, rape, weapons, and mental or physical torture.

    Battering should not be considered only as isolated incidents resulting from a family dispute, but is a pattern of repeated abuse from which the battered woman does not see an escape. All too often, battering results in murder. A study in one police department in the Midwest indicated that in 85% of the cases of domestic homicide in that city in a given time period, the police had been called at least once before. According to a survey of women in Texas, 19% of the women who were abused during the previous year and 25% of the women who had been abused during their lifetime have been battered at least once a week.

     


    MYTH 2: Battering is a family matter.

    FACTS:
    Assault is a crime in all states. Battering is not simply a family problem but is a far-reaching social problem affecting as many as 50% of all U.S. women. Violence against wives will occur at least once in 2/3 of all marriages and at least 25% of wives in the U.S. are severely beaten during their marriage.

    Assault is a costly crime in terms of injuries and dollars. More than one million abused women seek medical help for injuries caused by battering each year. 20% of visits by women to emergency medical services are caused by battering -- in fact, it's the number one cause of emergency room visits by women. In Minnesota, 12% of the injuries sustained in reported incidences of battering required hospitalization.




    MYTH 3: It is only low income, working class families who experience violence.

    FACTS:
    Battering affects all racial, social, ethnic, economic, and religious groups and affects each group with equal frequency. The police departments in Norwalk, Connecticut, a city with a wide socioeconomic range receives the same number of domestic assault calls as the police department in Harlem, New York, a city of comparable size.

    Battered women with few resources are more visible because they seek help from public agencies. However, middle and upper-class women also seek refuge and assistance, only because of their resources it is more often in hotels and from private agencies.




    MYTH 4: Battered women are a particular and easily definable group of women.

    FACTS:
    In reality, a battered woman can be any one of us. Battered women are as diverse as women are. There is no particular kind of woman who is likely to be battered any more than there is a kind of woman who is likely to be raped. The "kind" of woman who is battered is the woman who finds herself with a man who batters.

    People would like to be able to identify the characteristics of a battered woman because it makes them feel less responsible. Women would like to be able to identify the characteristics of a battered woman because it makes them feel safer. In essence, it is a way of saying, "If I am not like these women, I will not be battered."




    MYTH 5: Battered women ask for it, provoke it, want it, and sometimes even deserve it.

    FACTS:
    This victim-blaming statement suggests that the battered woman should look for the reasons for his violence in her behavior. It suggests that all a battered woman has to do is change her behavior. It also ignores the criminal nature of assault. We know that no one, including a battered woman, can change another person's behavior. We also know that this myth encourages battered women to stay, in an effort to discover what they do to provoke an assault. Responsibility for violence belongs with the person who is behaving violently.



    MYTH 6: It can't be that bad or she wouldn't stay.

    FACTS:
    In the U.S. today, on the average, a woman earns slightly more than half of what a man earns. For this reason many women, including battered women, do not feel that they can support themselves and their children. Statistics show that the vast majority of court-ordered child support payments are never made to the custodial parent. Economic dependence is often the reality that traps a battered woman in a dangerous, violent marriage.

    Fear of retaliation for leaving, harassment, and further violence from the abuser are also traps for battered women. In 73% of reported incidents, the woman was divorced or separated from the abuser at the time of the assault. Statistically, the most dangerous time for a battered woman is when she is leaving or he believes she is leaving. According to the Bureau of Justice, divorced or separated men committed 79% of spouse abuse.

    Battered women are frequently isolated from family, friends, and co-workers, and do not have the support they need to leave or find help. The best assistance one can give a battered woman is to give her support and information.

    It is important to recognize and respect that the only person who can determine the safest time to leave is the battered woman herself. She has developed a finely-tuned sense of danger and survival techniques.
        For more details, go to Why We Stay?




    MYTH 7: Domestic assault is caused by excessive drinking or by abuse of other drugs.

    FACTS:
    Alcohol and other chemical use occur frequently when there is violence directed at a family member; however, it is dangerous to assume that chemical abuse causes battering. It does not. There are almost as many incidents of battering without chemical use as there are involving it. Battering is caused by a batterer who has chosen to use his violence as a means to exert power over, and maintain control of, his victim.

    When chemical abuse and violence are both present it is important to deal with each as separate issues. Chemical dependency treatment will not stop violent behavior. In fact, often chemical dependency treatment for the batterer becomes a danger to the victim because of the demand that she be involved in his treatment program.

     


    MYTH 8: Battered women hate men. Battered women need to learn that not all men are bad.

    FACTS:
    Battered women do not hate men. They hate being battered.  After being battered, they are afraid of being hurt again by another man.
     
     


    MYTH 9: It's not all one-sided. Men get battered too.

    FACTS:
    Yes, but according to the FBI, in over 95% of all domestic abuse violence, the man is the batterer. The injuries that battered women receive are at least as serious as 90% of all violent felony crimes, yet under state laws, domestic violence is almost always a misdemeanor.

    Are You Being Stalked? Tips For Protection

    Being stalked is a life changing process. Stalking victims are in a state of constant fear 24 hours a day. The ongoing nature of stalking can cause traumatic psychological damage to the victim.

    According to 1994 statistics, one million people in the United States have been stalked. High-profile cases of celebrities being stalked have raised the public's awareness to this crime. But the majority of stalking victims are ordinary people, mostly women, who are being pursued and threatened by someone with whom they have had a prior relationship. Approximately 80% of stalking cases involve women stalked by ex- boyfriends and former husbands. Some stalking cases involve ex- employees who are obsessed with the rejection of having lost a job.

    Are there any laws against stalking?

    California was the first state to pass an anti-stalking law in 1990 in response to the stalking and murder of actress Rebecca Schaeffer. Since then, all other states have enacted anti-stalking laws.

    California Law

    In California, both criminal and civil laws address stalking. According to the criminal laws, a stalker is someone who willfully, maliciously and repeatedly follows or harasses another (victim) and who makes a credible threat with the intent to place the victim or victim's immediate family in fear for their safety. The victim does not have to prove that the stalker had the intent to carry out the threat. (California Penal Code 646.9)
    The criminal penalty for stalking is imprisonment up to a year and/or a fine of up to $1,000. There are more severe penalties when the stalker pursues the same person in violation of a court restraining order, with a sentencing range of two to four years imprisonment. Persons convicted of felony stalking also face stricter penalties if they continue to stalk their victim(s). Courts may issue restraining orders to prohibit stalking. (California Family Code 6320)

    A victim, family member or witness may request that the California Department of Corrections, county sheriff or the director of the local department of corrections notify them by phone or mail 15 days before a convicted stalker is released from jail or prison. The victim, family member or witness must keep these departments notified of their most current mailing address and telephone number. The information relating to persons who receive notice must be kept confidential and not released to the convicted stalker. (California Penal Code 646.92) The court may order a person convicted of felony stalking to register with local law enforcement officials within 14 days of moving to a city and/or county. (California Penal Code 646.9)

    A victim of stalking may bring a civil lawsuit against the stalker and recover money damages. (See Civil Code 1708.7 for the elements and remedies of the tort of stalking.) Victims may also request that the California Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) suppress their automobile registration and driver's license records from being released to persons other than court and law enforcement officials, other governmental agencies or specified financial institutions, insurers and attorneys. (California Vehicle Code 1808.21, 1808.22) When stalking occurs in the workplace, an employer can request a temporary restraining order or an injunction on behalf of the employee who is a victim of stalking. (California Code of Civil Procedure 527.8)

    Federal law

    Currently, there are few federal laws that deal directly with stalking.
    • The Interstate Stalking Punishment and Prevention Act of 1996 punishes persons with a fine and/or imprisonment for crossing state lines "with the intent to injure or harass another person...or place that person in reasonable fear of death or serious bodily injury..." (18 USC § 2261A, 2261, 2262).
       
    • Two laws authorize grants for law enforcement agencies to develop programs addressing stalking and for states to improve the process for entering stalking-related data into local, state and national crime information databases such as the National Crime Information Center. (42 USC §§ 3796gg, 14031)
       
    • Another law requires a training program for judges to ensure that when they issue orders in stalking cases, they have all the available criminal history and other information from state and federal sources. (42 USC § 14036)
       
    • As of September 1996, the Attorney General must compile and report data regarding stalking as part of the National Incident-Based Reporting System. (42 USC § 14038)
       
    • The National Center for Victims of Crime has additional information on federal and state laws at its web site: http://www.ncvc.org/law/issues/Stalking/stalking_frames.htm
    Tips for Stalking Victims

    These tips will help you guard your personal information and lessen the chance that it will get into the hands of a stalker or harasser. However, some of these tips are extreme and should only be used if you are indeed being stalked. Harassment can take many forms, so this information may not be appropriate in every situation and may not resolve serious stalking problems.

    (See also the Supplement to this fact sheet, "Security Recommendations for Stalking Victims," provided by the Los Angeles Police Department's Threat Management Unit.)


    1. Use a private post office box. Residential addresses of post office box holders are generally confidential. However, the U.S. Postal Service will release a residential address to any government agency, or to persons serving court papers. The Post Office only requires verification from an attorney that a case is pending. This information is easily counterfeited. Private companies, such as Mail Boxes Etc., are more strict and will require that the person making the request have an original copy of a subpoena. Use your private post office box address for all of your correspondence. Print it on your checks instead of your residential address. Instead of recording the address as "Box 123," use "Apartment 123."

    2. File a change-of-address card with the U.S. Postal Service giving the private mail box address. Send personal letters to friends, relatives and businesses giving them the new private mailbox address. Give true residential address only to the most trusted friends. Ask that they do not store this address in rolodexes or address books which could be stolen.

    3. Sign up for your state's address confidentiality program . 18 states offer a program that enables victims of domestic violence and stalking to protect their residential address. For a list, visit: www.sos.state.ok.us/acp/acp_welcome.htm (Click on "Other States with ACP.")

    4. Obtain an unpublished and unlisted phone number. The phone company lists names and numbers in directory assistance (411) and publishes them in the phone book. Make sure you delete your information from both places. Don't print your phone number on your checks. Give out a work number when asked.

    5. If your state has Caller ID, order Complete Blocking (called "Per Line" Blocking in other states). This ensures that your phone number is not disclosed when you make calls from your home. (California phone companies have offered Caller ID June 1996. See PRC fact sheet 19 on Caller ID.)

    6. Avoid calling 800, 888 and 900 number services. Your phone number could be "captured" by a service called Automatic Number Identification. It will also appear on the called party's bill at the end of the month. If you do call 800 numbers, use a pay phone.

    7. Have your name removed from any "reverse directories." The entries in these directories are in numerical order by phone number or by address. These books allow anyone who has just one piece of information, such as a phone number, to find where you live. Reverse direct-ories are published by phone companies and direct marketers. (See PRC fact sheet no. 4 on "junk mail.")

    8. Let people know that information about you should be held in confidence. Tell your employer, co-workers, friends, family and neighbors of your situation. Alert them to be suspicious of people inquiring about your whereabouts or schedule.

    9. Do not use your home address when you subscribe to magazines. In general, don't use your residential address for anything that is mailed or shipped to you.

    10. Avoid using your middle initial. Middle initials are often used to differentiate people with common names. For example, someone searching public records or credit report files might find several people with the name, Jane Doe. If you have a common name and want to blend in with the crowd, don't add a middle initial.

    11. When conducting business with a government agency, only fill in the required pieces of information. Certain government agency records are public record. Anyone can access the information you disclose to the agency within that record. Public records such as county assessor, county recorder, DMV and business licenses are especially valuable finding tools. Ask the agency if it allows address information to be confidential in certain situations. If possible, use a post office box and do not provide your middle initial, phone number or your Social Security number. If you own property or a car, you may want to consider alternative forms of ownership, such as a trust. This would shield your personal address from the public record. (For more information on "government records and privacy," see PRC fact sheet number 11.)

    12. Put your post office box on your driver's license. Don't show your license to just anyone. Your license has a lot of valuable information to a stalker.

    13. Don't put your name on the list of tenants on the front of your apartment building. Use a variation of your name that only your friends and family would recognize.

    14. Be very protective of your Social Security number. It is the key to much of your personal information. Don't pre-print the SSN on anything such as your checks. Only give it out if required to do so and ask why the requester needs it. The Social Security Administration may be willing to change your SSN. Contact the SSA for details. (See PRC fact sheet number 10 on "SSNs.")

    15. Alert the three credit bureaus--Experian, Equifax and Trans Union--to your situation. Ask them to "flag" your record to avoid fraudulent access. (See PRC fact sheet number 6 on "credit reporting" for addresses and phone numbers. See also fact sheet number 17 on "identity theft.")

    16. If you are having a problem with harassing phone calls, put a beep tone on your line so callers think you are taping your calls. Use an answering machine to screen your calls, and put a "bluff message" on your machine to warn callers of possible taping or monitoring. Be aware of the legal restrictions on taping of conversations.
    (See PRC fact sheet number 3 on "harassing phone calls." See also fact sheet number 9 on "wiretapping and eavesdropping.")


    17. If you use electronic mail and other online computer services, change your e-mail address if necessary. Do not enter any personal information into online directories. For a list of state cyber-stalking laws, see National Conference of State Legislatures, www.ncsl.org/programs/lis/CIP/stalk99.htm. See also cyber-stalking resources below and the PRC's online privacy fact sheet, www.privacyrights.org/fs/fs18-cyb.htm.

    18. Keep a log of every stalking incident, plus names, dates and times of your contacts with law enforcement and others. Save phone message tapes and items sent in the mail.

    19. Consider getting professional counseling and/or seeking help from a victims support group. They can help you deal with fear, anxiety and depression associated with being stalked.

    20. Make a police report. Consider getting a restraining order if you have been physically threatened or feel that you are in danger. When filed with the court, a restraining order legally compels the harasser to stay away from you, or he/she can be arrested. Be aware that papers filed for a restraining order or police report may become public record. Put minimal amounts of information and only provide a post office box address. You should contact an attorney or legal aid office if a restraining order becomes necessary. (Note: Some security experts warn that restraining orders sometimes lead to violence. Before obtaining a restraining order, consider your options carefully.)

    21. And these final tips from someone who was stalked for over three years: For your own protection, carry pepper spray. Get a car phone and/or a beeper. Carry a digital or video camera. Never verify anything, like your home address, over the phone.


    For More Information
    • To obtain a guide for stalking victims, write or call the National Center for Victims of Crime
      2111 Wilson Blvd.
      Ste. 300, Arlington, VA 22201
      Phone: (800) FYI-CALL or (703) 276-2880
      Web: www.ncvc.org
      www.ncvc.org/src/

       
    • National Domestic Violence Hotline -- (NDVH helps victims find safe houses.)
      (800) 799-SAFE, (512) 453-8117
      Web: www.ndvh.org
      E-mail: ndvh@ndvh.org
    Cyber-stalking Resources:
    Other web sites:
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